Of course, why wouldn't it?

Roland Quest!

2012-01-17T18:05:00.001-08:00

So the awesome Alexis and Charles are adopting a baby brother for Miss Laelia Sky! Check out his blog for full details. and anyone that can, please help them bring Roland (Lando!!!) home. http://gettingawesleyinedgewise.blogspot.com/

“On the First Day of Christmas, My True Love Gave to Me…”

2011-12-05T07:50:00.000-08:00

by THOLDEN on DEC 05, 2011 in BUILDING THE FAMILY

Written by contributing writer, Trina Holden.

Chances are this week you’re in the thick of making a list and checking it twice and I’m sure you don’t think you need one more thing to think about. But even while encouraging simplicity this Christmas, I’m gonna throw out a unique challenge.

I’m gonna suggest you add one more thing to your list.

Your husband.

Yes, I know you have him on your list already, and maybe you’ve already found just the right gift to bless him on Christmas Day. But what about today?What about the busy weeks counting down to Christmas, when your time and energy are stretched to fulfill all that this season requires of you as a wife and mother and homemaker? Is there a way you can keep this most important relationship – this man God has given you, in the forefront of your thoughts, maintaining your friendship even in this hectic season?

There is a way you can add a little holiday spice to your marriage. It’s so simple, it’s almost corny. But I’ve been keeping this little tradition with my husband for 6 years and every year he says it’s his favorite part of the whole season.

We call it “Twelve Days” but it has nothing to do with Partridges and Pear Trees. The idea is that I give him a little gift on each of the twelve days leading up to Christmas. The gifts are not big, often just a favorite cookie or candy, but the value of the gift lies in that I’ve thought of him. When he finds 3 envelopes on the ‘Third Day of Christmas’ or a half a dozen of his favorite cookies on Day Six, his eyes light up like a kid at Christmas, and I fall in love with the tradition (and him!) all over again.

If you’d like to start this tradition in your house, it’s not too late! I usually call Dec. 13^th our ‘first day’, so you still have time to gather some things from around the house or on your next trip to town. Here’s a list of items to get you started…

Day 1: Any single object – this is where I usually spend a little money and give him something I’d otherwise have tucked under the tree. A hat, tool, piece of masculine jewelry, etc.

Day 2: Think pairs! Socks, gloves, matching mugs for him and her, sunglasses, pants, long underwear, tickets to a concert or a game.

Days 3, 4, 5, and 6: What comes in packs? Golf balls, socks, briefs, favorite candy, guitar picks, favorite beverage, refills for his razor.

Days 7, 8, 9, 10, 11: Higher numbers get a little trickier – just think ‘small’ and you can do it! Cookies, packaged and delivered to work. A CD with 11 songs. Post-it-note love notes hidden through the house.

Day 12: Think ‘by the dozen’ or ’12 months in a year’. A magazine subscription, coupons for a monthly date night or a dozen chicken wings for lunch.

More ideas…

A book or film with a number in the title
A series of emails or texts sent to him throughout the day
A gift certificate or coupons for his favorite meal
A collection of poems (Haiku is a quick and easy!)
One year I publicly praised my husband by posting 10 things I loved about him on my blog.

Get Romantic!

Decorate your bedroom with a number of lit candles
Love letters — New or old
A custom CD if your favorite love songs.
Coupons to redeem for a massage — given by you!

Once you’ve collected your little gifts, wrap the items up and stash them away where he won’t find them. I jot down which gift I’m giving him on which day in my day planner so I don’t forget. I also like to plan when and how to present each gift — under his pillow, on his vehicle seat, in his work boots — so I have everything thought out in advance, and I can pull off our little tradition with ease despite the rush of those final days leading up to Christmas.

It takes just a little extra effort on my part to fit this in with everything else, but it is totally worth it for the sparkle it brings to our relationship at a time where it might otherwise suffer. It helps me keep my man my priority even when so many other things call. I look forward to Dec. 13^th and eagerly anticipate to the look on his face when he realizes his favorite tradition has begun again.

What Have I Done?

2011-05-31T22:50:00.001-07:00

So there's a girl in ZoeBel's class that's not the nicest. She's not the head of the class. She's not the prettiest. But she's got Queen Bee and Mean Girl written all over her. She manipulates. She's alternately hot and cold toward the people who try to be nice to her. She has the top boy in the class (who'a kinda cute, too) wrapped around her little finger. Other moms dread their kiddos playing with her because of how she makes everyone feel. ZoeBel had her party this weekend, too. We had a good few kids that came since some were sick, some had been camping all weekend, it was Memorial Day and sometimes plans simply change. The other little girl's party was on Sunday. And two people came. It made me want to cry when I found out today. And then I found out ZoeBel was invited. When I asked her she said, "It was just _______. You don't like me playing with her anyway." And I wonder what kind of mother I am.

We've discussed this particular girl with ZoeBel before. How maybe she shouldn't hang out with her all the time but we still need to be nice to her and show her Christ's love. but PLEASE don't spend a lot of time with her or start acting like her. I've even suggested we invite her over for a play-date. ZoeBel was not too enthusiastic. I'm nice to her when I volunteer at school on Fridays. And this made me want to bawl my eyes out. I've never made friends easily. I'm socially awkward and flat out just weird. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. I remember when my cousin asked why I didn't wear something since I liked it and I told her I wasn't confident enough. As I'm typing someone commented on a post on FB that I originally brought up-she agreed with the two people who commented on what I'd suggested. And I get upset. Now if I'd known about the party I would have urged ZoeBel to go. I worry that we don't have their friends over a lot.

So maybe it's time for another talk with ZoeBel. And time to schedule a play date with the mean girl. As it is I think I've only seen the girl's mama once, maybe twice. maybe that has something to do with it. Or maybe I'll meet another mean girl. All I know is parenting is hard, sometimes we never grow up and I wonder what that mama thought about no one coming to her little girl's party-I know how I would have felt...

So what does it cost to feed a family of six?

2011-03-21T21:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I decided to look at we use in a day. It's a bit more difficult because I'm not the one home with the girls, but Justin is all in for helping me, since he's rather curious as well. To start off let's get a few things straight. We shop at the commissary and Costco for the most part, looking for deals on produce at places like Henry's, Frazier Farms (local to our neighbourhood) and occasionally Sprouts. Our family size varies. We have RachelLynn half the week. The other three are gone every other weekend. Justin and I don't eat much when the girls aren't here, partly due to not knowing how to cook for two, partly due to apathy. We make most of our own bread and bread products-save tortillas. And I'd love top get a tortilla press but that's for a later date. We don't eat a lot of processed foods, though we do eat crackers, microwave popcorn and a few other things. Hopefully this will also curb our eating out. Not really a huge problem with the food, but Justin and I kinda (really) like Diet Dr. Pepper from McDonald's. But we'll see what happens with that...

So for today: Breakfast :$1.95

6 eggs. $5.89 for 5 dozen, so $.60

4 whole wheat tortillas. $1.83 for 11, so $.64

About 2 oz cheese. $12 for 5 lbs (actually close to $11 but couldn't really remember), so $.30

2 7 oz bananas, $.47/lb, so $.41

We forgot milk (don't worry, the girls get a ton of liquids and calcium).

Justin and I didn't eat-I know, most important meal of the day and all...

Lunch:

We're still figuring that one out. Like I said, we make our own bread. We've been meaning for a while to figure out how much it costs (definitely not $3 a loaf like at the store) but haven't sat down to do it yet. But the girls had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and carrots and ZoeBel had mango, crackers and a boiled egg for snack. ClaireBeth had somewhere between the two. I had leftover stew and biscuits (more stew than biscuits) and a boiled egg. And Justin doesn't remember to eat half the time...

Dinner: Total non-leftovers: $4.36

Pork chops. 1.95 lbs at $1.66/lb, so 3.24

Mashed sweet potatoes from leftovers, so no clue.

Same with the salad-spinach, boiled egg, mozzarella, craisins, carrots, corn, broccoli-yum.

For sake of simplicity we'll figure everyone drinks their milk, so today we're looking at 52 oz milk. So 2.75 a gallon (we'll stick with this throughout as well) and we're looking at 1.12.

Justin and Jessica Snack: 2.24

Smoothie pack. 1.79.

Last quarter of a bag of frozen strawberries. .45

handful or two of spinach. 2.5 lbs for $3.79 (the main reason we joined Costco. Seriously)???

Snacks we'll start figuring tomorrow, partly because it involves weighing stuff and the like. But we're looking at less than $10 a day, if we're conservative. Well, maybe a little more with the smoothies. And since we're going forward, not backward, we won't include the half a bag of Reese's Easter Eggs we've been noshing on...

Gifts of Three for Christmas

2010-12-08T19:54:00.000-08:00

Amy Wagner

The year I found a garbage bag full of wrapped presents hidden under a blanket on the washing machine four days after Christmas, I knew. I knew we were going overboard with the gift giving, because the girls hadn't even missed those lost presents. As I looked back on pictures of Christmases past, I realized that the girls were dazed by present-overload, not knowing what to play with first and just sitting there in the midst of the jumble of gifts and wrapping. This was not good.

The next year we were expecting child number three, and I knew if we kept up with each year's status quo of presents we wouldn't be able to sit in the same room with the tree. That is when I hit on the idea of giving three gifts to each child in honor of the three gifts the Wise Men gave Jesus that first Christmas. When I shared my epiphany with my husband, he decided that he and I would also give three gifts to each other. We then sat our children down and explained the new way we wanted to do Christmas, as well as the reasons why we wanted to go this different direction. Thankfully, they were totally on board. Thus, a new family tradition was born.

Each family member receives a Gold Gift. Gold is precious and expensive, and so is this gift. The Gold Gift is something that child really truly wants and/or is the most expensive gift on her list.

Next is the Frankincense Gift. Frankincense is a spice that was burned as incense in the Temple during Jesus' time. For our family, the Frankincense Gift is a gift that will draw the recipient closer to God, such as a Bible study book, devotional, worship music CD, Christian fiction, or great audio CDs like Adventures in Odyssey orJonathan Park.

The last gift is the Myrrh Gift. In Biblical times, myrrh was one of the ointments used to embalm the dead and was said to have been one of the spices carried by Mary to the tomb to anoint Jesus' body. For our family, the Myrrh Gift is a gift that covers the body, such as clothing and bath products (special soaps, lotions and/or shampoo).

To deepen this tradition, a friend who decided to adopt the gifts of three also gave me packages of hardenedfrankincense and myrrh. I separated the hardened, sweet-smelling resins into gauzy pouches cinched with ribbon, to which I added a tag describing the significance of the gift, and each year these special tags adorn each person's gift. For our Gold Gifts we wrap the present in gold paper and tie it with a big gold ribbon (which is actually gold binding tape I found at the fabric store).

Our children love this tradition and share with others the special way we do Christmas. Never once have they felt neglected or that it was unfair that they each receive only three gifts. They have become great at tweaking their own lists for Christmas under the "three gifts" guidelines and have made my Christmas shopping much easier and less stressful. Both of my girls have stated this is a tradition they will pass down to their own families some day.

This article is excerpted from the 2010 Digital Holiday Supplement from The Old Schoolhouse® Magazine. You can enjoy the full supplement by clicking here.

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Amy loves her chaotic, blessed life working alongside her husband Brad, homeschooling and raising their three children, aged 6, 10 and 13. When she gets a bit of free time, she can be found writing about finding contentment in the common, ordinary everydayness of her life at www.acontentedcommonlife.blogspot.com.

I'M MARRIED!!!

2010-09-04T04:23:00.001-07:00

I'm Getting Married!!!

2010-08-08T00:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I know everyone thinks this is fast. And it is. We'll be married two months after we became a couple. We were going to wait a little longer, but you take what you can get...more on that in a moment. We don't have everything figured out. Yes, we realize this. Please don't think we haven't noticed. But we want to be a family. We don't want to live together before we get married. We want to serve GOD as husband and wife. And there's nothing that can't be figured out with HIS help, which sometimes means HE lets us fall, picks us up by the back of the suspenders, beats the dust off and sets us back on our feet and other times means HE knocks our socks off with wonderful surprises.

"How did this come about?" you may ask. One of my almost sister friends is flying out in a few weeks. Like less than two, actually. Most of my friends moved away last year. Yesterday I was thinking it might be nice to have her here for the wedding. Except my Pops is doing three weeks of job training and we didn't think he'd make it back before she left. At which point we realized that after he came back at the end of this training he was leaving again for six months. Now most people would tell (and have told) us to wait until then. But since when have Justin or I ever done anything the easy way? Now add us together! So we decided on September 3rd this morning. Which is less than four weeks away. Yea!!!

Actually so far we have it coming along. We have my and the girlies' dresses. Mine is way more cupcakey than I ever would have thought. It's not the one I wanted but apparently David's Bridal sucks. Yes, I did just say that. I was looking at a very simple white bridesmaid's dress. Which won't be in until the end of October. It might come in earlier, but no guarantees...As I think about the dress I bought I start to worry. Hmm, I might have to have someone see me in it and tell me whether it's okay or not. I can be a major worrier sometimes. The problem is that if a dress isn't in stock a lot of places take a while to get the it ordered, time I don't have. And since I'm not a size 2, 4, 18 or 22 they don't usually have my size. Anyone want to help me with my dress??? We just need to get Justin clothed and all of us shod.

We have a location, date and time and sent out save the date evites. It didn't work out quite as I had hoped/planned, but I can deal. Or we'll see if there are any appointments for ceremonies when we go to get our marriage license. Whatever. Justin's dear brother is letting us get married at their place; they actually got married there last September. Hmm, I wonder what next September will bring for Justin's younger brother? I have most of the guests figured out and will hopefully print the invitations in the next day or so. Then I just have to actually get them mailed! The photographer's set, as is the music. At this point they're with Justin's people so I'm hoping I can not have to do anything about either. My fantastic cousin has offered to help with the reception and I think I've decided what to do for dessert-I'm not big on cake. Except I'll probably have to ask Justin. He's currently out cold and I'm wide awake-total role reversal.

Well, no matter my excitement the dishes still need to be washed and laundry folded. So I guess I'll sign off and talk to you soon!

Godsmack Part II

2010-07-24T20:27:00.000-07:00

The saga...is here!

So we left off with me going to Repo and Justin completely shooting me down for spending time together afterwards. I'd asked him what he was doing afterwards and he said he had to clean up. Seriously. He acted like he didn't want to be around me. So I got in the van and drove back to my parents' house.

The next night I'm at home and he just happens to be on facebook. So I pop him to see how his brother was doing after the excitement the night before and we start chatting. After a minute or two he says he wants to ask me something. So I get all excited. And he asks me what I thought of Repo. yea. I did try to provide constructive criticism and praise for the parts I liked, the whole time thinking "Are you freaking kidding me? Seriously?" (Sorry, I don't usually cuss but I was just slightly irritated that night.) The conversation does keep going though and he asked me about the rest of my weekend, since it had been a whole 20 hours since we've seen each other. I told him I learned how to change the oil in my car. For some reason he liked that. Boys apparently think girls that work on cars are, to use Justin's word, "hot". So I told him to stop making fun of me. When he said , "No, that's really hot" I told him I'd also helped grout the pavers around my dad's pool. At which he asked me to marry him. Hmm, I wonder what I could have held out for if I told him I don't mind shingling roofs? My response was that we'd kill each other, and he came back and said he didn't think we would. I started wondering if he remembered who he was talking to or our decade and a half together at church... I then pointed out that he probably wouldn't last a month in a house with five girls; six if you count the cat. He sat there and told me we can make it work. Somehow the topic changes and we continued on talking about nothing for a while-we do a lot of that. Except the devil's advocate (and the mean, manipulative) part of me goes back and asked Justin what he would have done if I'd said yes. "First I'd have to regain consciousness, pick my jaw up off the floor and regain the ability to speak (like that's ever been a hard one for him!). Oh and I'd also tell you to not joke about that." Me, being blonde (and as I type that Justin asks if it's blondeness or manipulativeness-duh, like we don't all know the answer) asked if he means the saying yes or marriage in general. He said he was talking about the saying yes part, though if I was a guy I think I'd be more concerned about the marriage part-especially with all of us girls! We also discussed how dating would be moot for us, seeing as how we've been best friends for 15 years and therefore could skip the whole interview process and, really, who has time to date with fours girlies? So he asked if he should just propose instead of asking me out. I told him he didn't know what type of ring or the right size. I'll admit I laughed out loud when he told he'd find out using much subterfuge. I politely let him know that subtle he was not. I think that's when he started to realize that I knew that he liked me. And we proceeded to spend five hours chatting on facebook...

The next night we actually talked on the phone. Us talking on the phone doesn't happen often, though that's definitely not the case now! We talked about what we would like from relationships in general, how a relationship for either of us would ultimately be in preparation for marriage, seeing as how we were both getting older and had girlies, And somewhere in there we started planning our wedding. I'm not quite sure how that part of the conversation started, but needless to say we ended up picking colors, discussing our vows and even considered dates. All without him having told me he liked/loved me or officially proposing. After three hours on the phone around 2300 (I'm usually in bed by 2100) Justin told me he's back to contemplating. He's been contemplating for years!!! So being utterly sick of his contemplation I told him I was going to go to bed unless he wanted to tell me what he was pondering. Which is when he totally did the high school thing where he said he would tell me but not right then. He managed to keep me on the phone for another half hour where I slowly dragged out the fact that he liked me, had for a while and wanted us to be a couple, complete with all the things we had talked about over the last few days. And horrible me told him pretty much "That's nice, but I don't know..." followed by a lot of awkward silences, me blathering on about a bunch of stuff (basically slitting my own throat like how I didn't like him talking to the other girl but not sure I wanted this), eventually me telling him I liked talking to him and could we please keep it like this with the thought of it possibly becoming more. I seriously never thought he would tell me, especially with that little effort. I was totally unprepared for when he actually did.

The next few nights we discussed getting together that weekend and made more plans for our wedding (again-don't ask, it was just where the conversation went) and a kazillion other things. For being so vague and half-formed I think we spent at least 4 hours a night on the phone and facebook each night.

So our plans for Friday were for Justin to come up to my place after work, hoping for him to get a half day. At like 0815 Justin texted me to say he was off for the day and would be up in a little bit. So I was expecting an hour. I was still in cleaning clothes and was scrubbing the kitchen when he texted me at 0837 with "Knock knock". Really? We were planning to run errands in the afternoon after Justin got off work so we moved our day forward. I even let Justin drive, which I never had before, even though I can't stand the girl driving and I let pretty much every other important guy in my life drive. In our travels we hit Marshall's because I was looking for something specific that they'd had previously. While perusing the aisles we ran into some napkins in the colors we'd decided on for the wedding monogrammed with an S (his last name starts with one). I joked with him that we should pick them up for the wedding. He stopped to take a look at them and on the next shelf there were photo albums. Lo and behold one of them was in our wedding colors and had an S on it. So I picked it up, looked at it, showed it to Justin and decided to get it, since one never knows. I told him that if we got married then it would be perfect. And if we didn't I'd just give it to him for a wedding present when he got married next time. To which he responded if we didn't get married he'd never marry again. All this apparently had him freaked out; he was texting people and calling people. Most of them being male they weren't much help. He should have called a girl...Which I did...Jess just doesn't believe me. They were just as confused as my guy friends were. (For future reference, Justin corrections will be in red.) So we finished our errands and came home, where we watched a ton of movies and I made dinner (homemade chicken pot pie and creamed spinach). I will admit that I completely vetoed Titus after about five minutes, though. That and not knowing what a narwhal was totally made me lose points in one of our friend's eyes, but I hope that he'll one day come to forgive me. Well, about 2030 or so Justin started not feeling well; headache, watery eyes, sniffing, itchy face. Yep, you guessed it. He's allergic to cats and didn't tell me!!! I dragged him to Wal-Mart to get some allergy medicine. Except on the way while I was driving-that's how bad his allergies had progressed!- I shot him in the eye with a hair tie. I couldn't have made that shot if I were trying and my daughters' lives depended on it! Poor man. At the store I actually opened the medicine in the middle of the store, got him a drink out of the cooler and made him take it standing in the middle of the aisle. We made it back home and resumed our ridiculous movie marathon. He very jokingly started pouting about me having hit him in the eye. So I apologized (for the fifteenth billion time) and kissed him on the cheek and went about life. Which totally put my mind into over drive thinking about why she kissed me on the cheek. Was it a sincere sorry kiss, was it a spur of the moment kiss, or was it a more planned out kiss? And apparently Jess add-ins will be in purple. I'd wanted to kiss him on the cheek at Repo but he gave me the bum's rush and I chickened out. And a lot of what I wanted to see before I told him yes or no was how we got along physically, which meant I knew we'd probably kiss that weekend. But this was more apologetic, spur of the moment with a little bit of trying to stir up trouble thrown in. Later we were watching yet another movie and I leaned against him and fell asleep (a girl can only watch so many movies before she crashes). I woke up to him just barely brushing his lips across mine. I decided I liked it and he decided he liked it and right about then we knew we were a couple, in a relationship and wanted to serve GOD together for the rest of our lives while raising four godly daughters. Except something still didn't feel right...

Talk about a Godsmack

2010-07-19T22:05:00.000-07:00

So I have NO clue where to even begin this post!!! Well, let's start with basics. Hmm, even that's hard to do. I guess first and foremost is that I am one of the happiest, most loved women on earth. Okay, now I'm still not sure where to go.

Okay, so we'll start with the truth. I've been fighting GOD for a while. Not really wanting to but not giving it all to HIM either. I've been holding on to stuff that HE's forgiven but I haven't. I haven't wanted to let go of the reigns (since I've been doing such GREAT job with everything :P). I've wanted a closer relationship with HIM but have always felt that the door keeps moving away from me. I don't doubt HIS love or sacrifice or patience or forgiveness, I've just always felt too unworthy for HIM to bother with. It's been scaring me and making me really wonder about things. It seems rather random but this does play into the story.

So to get to the point of this post: Justin. So I still don't know which direction to go in...We've been best friends for about 15 years. We grew up in the same church, went to middle school and high school together and even when we weren't that close we knew the other was always there. We'd usually get together a couple of times a year and facebook really helped strengthen our friendship. We went to his prom together, on youth group trips together, he helped me pack up the house and move when Eric left us and he has always been one of the best guy friends a girl can have.

So here comes the part where I'm totally mean and should be beat. If I cussed there is a word that rhymes with ditch and looks rather similar. Justin asked me out in high school. He graduated two years ahead of me so he was a senior when I was a sophomore. I told him that I thought of him as a really good friend and brother. I know, I'm horrible. And he still asked me to prom and I still said yes. I wish someone would have smacked me and told me to grow up back then.

We went about our separate lives, seeing each other here and there; church, parties of mutual friends, whatever. I went through a few boyfriends and met Eric. We got married, had beautiful children and then he left. We were together for eight years and married for six and a half. Justin had girlfriends, got married, had a wonderful daughter and then his wife left him. Actually about six months before Eric left. *sigh* This is what happens when we don't give control of our lives to GOD. HE always knows better, no matter what we think at the time.

~Total break in the story-I'm actually talking to him on speaker phone while I type this. Justin helped me a lot through the divorce, especially the early stages where I was lost and hurt and confused. He helped me through finding out Eric had moved in with his girlfriend four months after leaving our home. He helped me pack all night-even when I HAD to lay down and get some rest he kept packing. So I'm sitting here apologizing to Justin that he had to go through the divorce with me and it must have been hard for him to do that. He sweetly and patiently and lovingly tells me that he had to go through his divorce first so that he could help me through mine. Now back to the story!~

Except now I'm stuck again...If we're being honest I would tell you that Justin's been in love with me for years. No matter how annoying, how immature, how much of a pain in the butt he's been I think I've always known. Like we're talking at least 12 or 13 years. We grew up in the same church but didn't really spend a lot of time together until 1995 when we were in band in middle school together and I moved up to the youth group at church. He can't actually pinpoint when he started liking me. But I'd better move the story along.

So more recently...Last year I had an awesome 25th birthday party with Justin, Charlie and Mia; after which Justin banished himself. Without explanation. He eventually emerged from his cave and we started talking again, though there was much "contemplation", which he'd already been doing for a while. Truth be told I was talking to someone and Justin had just about given up on me-and on what GOD was telling him. It wasn't a great relationship We've seen each other a few times, either by our design or meeting up in a group of friends. Facebook, facebook, facebook. Fast forward through a not so great relationship for me after Eric (yes, I know we've only been divorced since October-it was very short and not very healthy). We hung out in May when Mia came to town (I'm never going to a bar again! Ever!) and we got together for lunch the next day. Somewhere while we were there he was given the advice that there are other fish in the sea, that there are better women out the than me. Both of which are true, though he promptly told the person that there isn't. So he started talking to someone in cast (he's in a shadow cast for Repo: The Genetic Opera) and I found out. At which point I immediately called him up and started bugging him as to what he'd been contemplating for the last few years. Eventually he admitted he was talking to someone (after I told him I knew) but never told me that he liked me. And since I really don't believe in breaking up relationships I backed off. But I was really surprised by how much I did NOT like him talking to someone.

Which brings us to Repo. So to break out of my box and experience something new, and since the girlies were in Ohio, I went. I stood outside the Ken for an hour all by myself. I was reminded of how wonderful it is to live a life for GOD as opposed to one trying to please only myself. I sat by myself crowded by people I'll never see again. And I actually enjoyed myself. It was funny. I loved seeing the regulars throwing out all the callbacks. I loved watching Justin have fun on stage. And yet I knew Justin was talking to one of the girls up there. I have no clue why I cared so suddenly or so strongly. Going to Repo was just a ploy to get him to notice me. There, I admitted it. Afterward I asked him to walk me to the car, since I'm just a girl (in the world-as long as you let me be!), I'd parked a few blocks down and it was like 0230. It actually ended up being a good thing since his brother was robbed at gunpoint, but eh, whatever. On the way back to the car I asked which girl he was talking to. Which is when he told me she was no longer in the picture. Really? You couldn't have told me this 4 hours ago before I stood/sat all by myself all night, had only had four hours of sleep the night before, had wasted my Saturday at class to get my RDA (which I still haven't done anything else for yet) and you still have to go in and clean up so we couldn't hang out. REALLY?!?!

O-HI-O!!!

2010-06-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

Where to start? Well, let's start with the phone call that began it all. ~My mother-in-law (ex, really, but still; we'll just call her Andrea)~ Andrea calls me up and says that my step-sister-in-law can't bring the girls out and how would I like to take a vacation. Really, how can you turn down being a taxi/chaperon for your own kids? Mainly Eric wasn't answering his phone and Andrea wanted to buy the tickets. Since Dr. had decided to take a few days off (and wasn't going to offer vacation pay or anything) I figured why not. So after a FULL day of work and ClaireBeth's last day of 2nd grade (she's gettin' so BIG!) we drove down to San Diego for a 2300 flight. Thankfully nonstop. After almost getting a ticket (stupid 18 inch rule) and ridiculous lines (it was 2300 on a Wednesday-seriously!!!) and the computer not showing that I'd paid $23(!!!) for the girls' suitcase we boarded. The flight wasn't bad and we only had two meltdowns (which was way less than COULD have happened (and I'm using a lot of parenthesis :))). After exploring the moving walkways at the Cincinnati airport we found Gee (Andrea) and Auntie Yelle. Or Auntie Daniel. Take your pick.

So now we're up to about 0630/0700 on Thursday. We go home and veg for a bit. Gotta love Nick Jr and Playhouse Disney. Gee fell asleep and somehow Auntie Yelle and I end up in the pool with the girls. So some background: ClaireBeth's been a fish since she went out to Gee's on her third birthday and they pretty much threw her in and said "Don't drown". All good. ZoeBel will sit on the steps. And VeeZee won't get anywhere near the pool; loves baths and showers but no pool. So they're each doing their thing, VeeZee's in because one of us (usually Yelle) is carrying her. Then ZoeBel leaves the steps. YEA!!! We eventually get out and go shopping, do chores around the house. Whatever. Except I get to ride the riding lawnmower!!! Oh my ponies, it was SO FUN!!! Of course Andrea had me start with the super hilly, tree infested front yard, but it was still AWESOME! Yes, I know I'm weird. It's okay. "God made me special and He loves me very much."-the Bob. During the course of the work Andrea is cleaning out the garage where the dogs stay. Polly, a gorgeous German Sheppard that's been in the family since 1989 has been declining lately. While brushing her Andrea notices how thin she's gotten. So Andrea calls the vet and took Polly in to be euthanized. I offered to since she was going to wait for her husband (who's working in Louisiana) but she wanted to do it. After she returns we get back in the pool where ZoeBel puts on muscles. She's avoided these like the plague for as long as I can remember. Next thing I know she wants to jump off the diving board! She gets up there and decides she's not ready. It's okay. Then she runs and jumps off! I've been so afraid this girl was NEVER going to swim!!! I'll gladly pay for muscles (at least this summer; 6-years-old is a little old for those).

Friday Andrea has to go to work so Yelle, the girls and I go to visit Grandma Peach and Grandpa Kenny. I had two conditions when I agreed to go. I wanted to see Grandma and Grandpa and Unkie John and Auntie Julie if they wanted to see me. I talked to them first and told them they didn't have to see me if they didn't want to and the girls would always be available for them. So off to Ludlow Falls we go. We were only a little late (the sun sets SUPER late there-like 2130-so you don't go to bed until like 2230 and I overslept for like the first time EVER). Lots of talking, laughing and eating later we head home so Yelle can go to work.The girls and I clean the house and when Gee gets home we head to Auntie Yelle's ice cream stand. Very Yum. That night one of Andrea's sisters (there are 3 guys and 5 girls) and her daughter and HER daughter come spend the night. And we have pizza! And of course there's swimming in there somewhere, too.

Saturday 2 more sisters and a brother and his awesome wife (the aforementioned Unkie John and Auntie Julie) come over for a barbeque and swimming. I totally fry! It's still itching. Then movie night-The ToothFairy. Actually pretty cute :) We were going to go see Toy Story 3 at the drive in but it was super late. It started at like 2115, though the second feature was Prince of Persia. *sigh*

Sunday comes and Yelle and I take the girls to the sprayground, where I discover that I don't have my driver's license. I'd recently lost my military ID (which is irreplaceable since I'm no longer a dependent but I'd been using it since the girls don't have theirs yet) and had stolen a card carrier from ClaireBeth who stole it from her 6-year-old auntie Alex. Nonetheless somewhere between checking in Wednesday at the airport and Sunday morning I'd lost my license. I had everything else except that. I give up. So we leave the sprayground earlier than we expected so I could look for it at home. The worst part is I'm supposed to leave on like three hours! I already don't want to come home. And of course it's no where. I call the airline who says I'd need to get there even earlier than usual. I throw everything (ALMOST everything-I still can't find my bathing suit bottoms. Or my driver's license) into my bag, leave the house a HUGE mess and run to the airport. Where they let me through with my Sam's club card, which I was only carrying because it had been with my driver's license when I put everything in my wallet and I decided not to bother taking it out. So it doesn't take any extra time at all. The only downside is Yelle is waiting for me to let her know I got through (in case I didn't) and I hadn't been smart enough to put her number in my phone. We actually call Andrea at work at the same time to get each other's numbers. After landing and spending a kazillion dollars in Salt Lake I make it back to San Diego-where we sit for 15 minutes before we get to a gate. Mama and Pops pick me up (his first time on airport duty-haha!) and we gp to their house. And Bed! Then off the next morning to get my new driver's license. The adventure never ends.

ZoeBel's 5!!!!!

2010-06-21T10:37:00.000-07:00

Hmm, I should have written this last week. I'm hard pressed to remember everything we did for her birthday.

I can't remember if we started on Wednesday. I feel like we did something, just can't recall. Aren't I a wonderful mama?

Thursday (her actual birthday) she choose yogurt for breakfast. So we had yogurt and candles. Except I couldn't find a lighter so she pretended to blow out the candles :P. After ClaireBeth was done with school Eric picked all of the girls up and took them to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate with Bree's family. They had a great time and I didn't have to suffer the horrors of Chuck E. Cheese. Definitely win/win!

Friday we got her pictures taken. Just don't comment on her dress! We generally pick out something that morning but we'd helped with ClaireBeth's field day at school so we were running late. We had time to go to one store. Since I knew-and wasn't impressed with-what they had at WalMart and Target and the mall didn't open until the same time our appointment was we ended up at Ross. Which can be hit or miss. It was a miss. But we got a good one. We did a few other things; again I can't quite remember. I know I'm horrible. Then came the big festivities. ZoeBel also graduated from preschool on the 11th. We invited my parents and grandmother and planned to have ZoeBel's favorite dinner (pizza pockets) and strawberry cake afterwards. Except with all the running around we ran behind. When we left to take her to school for the ceremony I hadn't even made her cake yet, let alone started dinner. We ended up with Little Ceaser's (thanks to Mama and Pops). While I was making the cake after the ceremony the other big people took ZoeBel to shop for her birthday presents. After dinner we, including the delightful Miss Francesca from upstairs, sang Happy Birthday and dug in, at which point ZoeBel tells me she doesn't like strawberry cake. Nice. My friends came over a little later to celebrate with us and we ended up talking until like 2 am.

And last but not least we went to see Shrek Ever After in 3-D. I honestly couldn't tell you if it was Saturday or Sunday though. And of course the next week we were off to Ohio. More to follow...

Adventures In Mia-Land...

2010-05-18T22:13:00.001-07:00

is here!

So my best girlfriend got to come to town. I got to steal her since her dad was out of town for the first few days. As much as I knew I loved her I now have an even deeper love and appreciation for her. Plus her fiance and my other best friend said I couldn't stand on his side at their wedding so he's no longer my favorite. :)

So I picked Mia up at the airport and we went straight to Mexican food and Mission Beach. The hole-in-the-wall on the corner has awesome carne asada! I think we were there for like two hours. Splashed in the waves, dug big holes (eventually helped by a boy named Colby-what's up with naming kids after cheese?), played with sand toys, white girl got the snot burned out of her. You know, normal stuff. But later that night Mia looked like I'd dyed her red and THEN boiled her her like a lobster. Poor thing. So after Mia's broiling we dropped the girls off at my parents' and headed to Kristy's MVP in Pt. Loma. I'd lived by this place for years and managed to never go in. I should have kept it that way. Our really good friend Justin and his and Mia's friend Steven go karaoke-ing on Thursdays. So Mia said she wanted to go. Except she didn't know it was on Thursdays when she decided. And I was her ride for the day. So guess who ends up going. When you haven't even made it into the bar yet and you've got guys saying hi to you that are standing outside the side entrance like they live there it's probably a good idea to go home. But still. Justin sang Hungry Like The Wolf and the fun just went from there. I don't drink much, especially when I'm out and I was driving since it was Mia's vacation so that didn't hold much appeal. And it was kind of sad seeing people that looked like they visited the place a lot. But I loved seeing Justin, seeing Mia having fun and there were a lot of laughs. Unfortunately there was also some bleeding from the ears as the night wore on, the glasses piled up on the tables and the songs were more morose. Oh well.

Friday was just as fantastic. Justin was working in Vista so he came over for lunch-pizza pockets!!!, which are mostly homemade calzones. Mia, the girls and I went to the commissary (after the dreaded menu planning) and then hit the mall. I got hair dye for the girls which I thankfully didn't do that weekend because I don't think Eric and Bree would have appreciated the girls having purple hair for their wedding. Then the awesome Mia watched the girlies while I went out to dinner with my small group. When I came home she'd given the girls a bath, made them dinner and they had made me hamburger cookies. She was reading them a story and they hadn't watched any TV. I'd been gone for at least two hours, maybe three. She did an fabulous job with them and they love her to death.

Saturday was a sad day. I had to take her back to her dad's. He'd brought her out here so it was only fair he actually got to see her. I suppose. But first was a trip to the salon. The Haircut Store in Clairemont is fantastic. Mia has curly hair and had Brittany who did a great job. The girls go to Abby (I'm taking two of them tomorrow) and I see Maggie and Marcella. So after that and McDonald's it was time to part ways. *sigh* Charlie and Mia (especially Mia) would love us to move with them and share a house. I'd love to, too. Which is why our adventures in Mia-Land were so hard, 'cause we're separated by a whole country. But, thank goodness for Skype and Facebook. They (Mia and Charlie-not FaceBook and Skype) are a source of support and love and acceptance. Not that we don't have it from our families, but it's even more special when it's freely given by someone who's not stuck with you genetically. So I'll post photos soon so you can enjoy the day with us.

So It's My Birthday

2010-02-28T20:39:00.000-08:00

I turned 26 today. I don't like it. I'm officially no longer in my early 20s, no matter how I twist the numbers. I am actually frighteningly close to my late 20s which is just a hop away from 30, which is a skip away from my early thirties and is barely a jump to my mid 30s and then on to 40. 25 didn't bother me. 24 did a little bit just because it is two dozen (what can I say, I bake a lot, or at least I used to).

So I'm not going to go over the last year. Unfortunately this blog is somewhat censored. I don't write about everything that comes up or how I feel because a lot of it still has to do with Eric. Some of it is not for me to tell people about. Part of it is me still trying to protect him and not talk about him in a way that would be disrespectful or would effect other peoples' feelings about him, though I know a lot of people that read this don't actually know him (as if anyone really reads this-ha!). I hate the fact that I hurt him so much and really regret that I probably pushed him farther from GOD. I would give anything to undo what I've done.

So this year...I have no clue what's going to come.

Philip and I decided together that parting ways wasn't a bad idea. We'd talked about this for a few weeks and I wanted to start the year anew. I have some regrets, though nothing that Philip caused. All were decisions I made. The best I can do after making those choices is to learn from them and go forward. I do regret introducing him to the girls. Not that he wasn't wonderful with them, but they don't need people coming in and out of their lives, especially because of me. We had talked for several months before we introduced him to them. Living so far apart made it difficult to see each other without them around, and that's a long time to be away from the girls. All in all it was a learning experience and hopefully we'll stay friends. I don't know, it doesn't really happen but we can see.

What birthday is complete without a party? The girls and I started celebrating last night with schnitzel and cinnamon rolls. They did my hair (I'm hoping there was no film in their camera) and we played games followed by a round of DuckTales. This morning we went to Denny's and I got a free grand slam. How cool was that? We went to Wal-Mart to pick up ZoeBel's birthday present-don't ask, her birthday is in June but I got it and I hate waiting-then we went to David's Bridal to try to pick up a dress for my two best friends' wedding. Yup, they're marrying each other. So I could either wear a dress or a tux! I ended up standing on the bride's side so I get the dress. Which David's Bridal apparently does not carry in my size. Next was a party with my parents and aunt and uncle. Ham and blondies with a side of york peppermint patties. Yum! It's kind of hard because a lot of my best friends moved away this last year. Doesn't mean I'm less loved, just means I didn't get to party as much this year.

So I'd better get my old self to bed. I ended up taking last week off because the girls were sick. I loved being home with them again but the weekly routine starts back up in 10 or 11 hours. So to all a good night. Wait...that's Christmas. Oh well.

Where Have I Been?

2010-02-11T13:31:00.000-08:00

Honestly, I have no clue. I love blogging. I miss blogging. I love reading all of my friends' blogs, even though I don't do it all that often. Every other week or so I'll sit down and go through my dashboard and favorites. But I digress. . . I guess part of it is that there's not a lot going on. No big activities. No major revelations. Nothing worthy of bothering anyone about. Work days we get up, go to school and work, come home, eat, shower and go to bed. Weekends we are either catching up or running around or avoiding everything. So let's see if we can find anything newsworthy.

Well, VeeZee turned three yesterday! It doesn't feel like it's that big of a deal though. I never see them anymore! She and ZoeBel spent the day with Eric. They went to SeaWorld and had fun. I picked them up around 1930 and we came home and went to bed.

ZoeBel is starting to read and has the kookiest fashion sense. Skirts and leggings all the way. Except she'll wear regular pants if leggings aren't available. And you can guarantee nothing will actually match. I try to offer some guidance, but sometimes it's better to let her be her own little person.

ClaireBeth is doing well at school. She's starting to adopt a more mature attitude, which can be difficult. And she's having to be reminded that she's one of the girlies, not a big person like Mama.

All of them are sweet and loving and darling. But they're real people, not robots, so some days I want to shut myself in my room and go to bed. Doesn't happen often but a girl can dream.

The older two start going to talk to someone in a few weeks. A therapist. ZoeBel is the one I'm most concerned about, but ClaireBeth probably needs help, too. I'm not sure what I expect from this or if I'll be told that they're normal and they don't need it or even what can be done with children this age but we'll see what happens. I've had to put aside my feelings of failure and some other feelings brought about by things I can't change no matter how hard I try. What's important is helping the girls.

I'm still working at the same place. I'll be there a year in about two weeks. I went to a small group last week. It was nice, though not like my last one. I'm worried I'll keep holding everything up to that standard and be disappointed every time. It's hard to just give in and be where I'm put, even if God does know better than I do. Doesn't mean I wanna.

So like I said. Nothing major. Nothing exciting. I do need to start planning a birthday party that's on Saturday. Go Jess, way to procrastinate. And tomorrow's packed. Lovely. And it's time to go pick up ClaireBeth from school. Have a great day!

A Day In The Life Of A Single Mama.

2009-12-15T19:44:00.001-08:00

Or at least this mama. Today we woke up around 0600. Or at least I did. I think I got them up around 0615. We had one disagreement over clothes (since we got home late last night and didn't lay them out-which doesn't always help since usually SOMEONE (about 3 1/2 feet tall, blonde hair and blue eyes) who shall remain unnamed usually changes their mind. We ate breakfast and then left for school and work. We were late (which really means we were on time)but that doesn't usually happen. Tuesdays and Thursdays the wonderful people at preschool take ClaireBeth to school since I have to be at work by 0745. So I get to work where I have a very irritated, grumpy day. Because we left late last night the office was a mess this morning and none of my paperwork was done, which always makes things worse. Dr cleaned two of the rooms, but she never does it the way I do. Around 1000 VeeZee's teacher calls me to tell me that VeeZee was hit in the face with a hula hoop (we're guessing she walked into it). So now she looks like Rocky after a fight. Lovely. I make it through most of my day without getting fired-though I did have to leave the room a few times to accomplish it-and leave to get the girls. Their teacher at preschool has a final tonight and I try to get there so she's not late to class, which doesn't always happen. Poor Meemaw! When I get there they tell me that ZoeBel threw up. Not the end of the world. Until VeeZee throws up, too! Usually I take the girls back to work with me while I finish up with the last patient and do all my paperwork and clean everything up. Since VeeZee and I are covered in throw up I have to call and have one of the helpers tell her that I'm not coming back. Fun. So we came home, bugged Mr. Philip and took a bath. ClaireBeth and I snuck some food while the little girls were busy, since they're STILL throwing up. At least they're both old enough to get to the toilet (or at least the bathroom) to throw up. They're currently watching Dora and I'm wondering if I'm going to go to work all day tomorrow. Not that I have much of a choice. *sigh* Dora's over, so time to cuddle. Definitely one of the best perks of having three little princesses!

What a great weekend!

2009-12-06T17:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't had such a great weekend in a while, though I have definitely had some good ones. It started with getting out of work on time Thursday. That very rarely happens, especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have to go pick the girls up at 1730 every day. Tuesdays and Thursdays office hours end at 1700 but we still usually have patients when I leave to get the girls and so have to come back. Mondays and Wednesdays we're open until 1800. I come back on Mondays and work usually until almost 1900 (and sometimes later), though Wednesdays the girls and I have class or choir so we go straight to church from preschool. Anyway, back to this weekend!

We got out on time Thursday and went to Sam's club for pizza. One of our favorite stores combined with one of our favorite foods. How can you go wrong? Friday I took ClaireBeth to class and then went and did some paperwork that I still needed to do for her school. The little girls and I came home and cleaned up and then we took ClaireBeth to the doctor in San Diego for a rash (fun-don't worry, she's not contagious). After that we went to my parents' and spent the night. We made cookies and had a lot of fun! I even got to talk to my sister! (Roger's daughter who's about my age.)

Saturday I left the girls with my parents because they've missed the girls so much. I went to a much needed hair appointment with the awesome, fantastic, wonderful Marcella. It had been three months and you could definitely tell. Ugh. I still can't do it like she does, but I'm trying. Kind of. The I went to a cookie exchange and saw quite a few friends from The Fellowship. Ladies, I miss you! Then I came home and waited for Philip to come down. Even though I woke him up at 0630 and he left around 0700 he didn't get here until after 1400! Stupid LA traffic. When he got here we went looking for car parts (it seems to be a favorite past time of his), out to dinner at a nice Chinese place, shopping were we got a Christmas tree and then to church for the Christmas musical. It was a very fun, very busy day! Though I guess I should confess that I locked us out of the house. Twice! We take his car when he's here, so I didn't really need my keys. Until we got home and he realized that I didn't have them and so we couldn't get in. Thankfully the manager was home. Then we left to go shopping and took the little set with us (with the mail, laundry room and extra apartment (I thought) keys) so we could make an extra one for Philip's key chain. We forgot to make the extra but figured we were fine. Until I tried to unlock the door and realized that it was the key for the storage, not the apartment. And guess what, the manager was gone for the night! At this point I realized that I also forgot to give my parents the girls' car seats. Sometimes I am amazed at how blonde I am! I had called the manager and she called me back, thankfully, saying that someone could get in and give us the keys. Otherwise we were going to have to drive to San Diego to get keys and still drive down to pick the girls up the next day since I couldn't get into the van for the car seats. So, disaster averted. Whew!

Sunday we drove down to pick up the girls and picked out ornaments for the tree. This year its red and silver. I've never had red before because Eric really didn't like it. At home we ate lasagna and watched the Little Einstein's Christmas DVD that Philip bought for the girls. We decorated the tree (during which Philip did like five years' worth of updates on the computer) and hung the lights outside. Then we ate lots of cookies from the cookie swap! And in the process of rescuing the new movie that ZoeBel got stuck in a funny place we found Barbie in The 12 Dancing Princesses that we've been missing for over a year! So Philip has since started the five hour drive home and we are watching Barbie in the glow of our Christmas lights while I blog about a great few days. They weren't without frustration, but we definitely had something to laugh about.

Philip

2009-11-28T07:58:00.000-08:00

So, to continue a chapter that has had a few surprise turns. Apparently a girlfriend with three girls can be a bit to take on all at once, even though you've just spent the last nine months talking to her everyday and think that she and the girls are fantastic. So Philip decided that we weren't dating. This was especially hard because he wanted to be a part of the girls' lives that early and that's why I introduced them to him. For someone who's been single for so long like he has I can understand. I let it be for a few days and then curiosity got the best of me and I called him and asked if we could actually talk about it (and to ask him to ship my makeup, favorite razor and tweezers and the load of laundry that were left up there). So we did and we've decided to talk and see each other but to remove the girls from the situation for right now. He loves the girls to death but I chose this to protect them. I wouldn't have brought him in so quickly if he hadn't wanted to be. And to be fair to the girls his problem is just more with the whole picture than with them. But it seems safest for them so they don't get more attached than they already are.

So just an update on that. It seemed quite dire at the beginning of the week but has levelled out some. Thank goodness for maturity and reason! The ability to sit down and talk to someone about the problem is amazing. And definitely not what I'm used to.

So what's going on...

2009-11-09T20:42:00.000-08:00

I started this almost two weeks ago and am just going from there, so it might seem messed up, but you'll have to deal :)

Hmm, where to start? Well, it's a quarter till 9 and I hear a two-and-a-half-year-old and a seven-year-old playing tea set. Did I mention it was 9 PM? I think back about my day and marvel at the good and the not so good. I went to ClaireBeth's parent/teacher conference. She's doing very well. Great grades, great conduct. The usual. But I wonder how she's really doing. I hear a lot that she's well adjusted. Sometimes I wonder if she's already learning to fake it like I do all the time. Like many of us do.

Thinking about how well ClaireBeth is doing makes me think about ZoeBel. Already I can see that this blog is going to seem random and ill-organized. I think I'm okay with that today. ZoeBel is sick. A fever and a cough, mostly. Though she did throw up tonight, but I think that was my fault. I was brushing her teeth and might have gagged her. But ZoeBel's different. She is so sweet and open and begging to be loved. It's hard to fill her up constantly. Especially with working all the time. I have a hard enough time going to GOD for love and contentment, which just makes telling the girls to go to HIM even harder. ZoeBel is smart, but she has this streak that can turn mean and hard and bitter if not tempered. I just have no clue how to help her at this point. It makes me very scared for her future.

VeeZee is just VeeZee. Sometimes I think there's a stranger in the house. I've lived with her for three years and I feel like I barely even know her. Part of it is how much she's growing and changing at this stage. She does something new and unexpected at least a couple of times a week. And unfortunately I usually miss it.I don't see how people can stand choosing to have children and then putting them into daycare. Don't get me wrong and please don't take it personally. I know that sometimes circumstances change and you might have to work or sometimes a child is a surprise (been there and done that with both situations!). But I'm missing my children grow up and it makes me so sad. I feel like I'm cheating VeeZee out of her toddlerhood and me out of mamahood.

Umm, on to me, I guess. Well, I've been divorced for two weeks come tomorrow (yea me?). That first day I felt sick and disgusted like I'd physically been torn in two. I guess hence the verses about us becoming as one flesh. The next day I kind of went back to normal. It helps, I guess, that we were divorced on the 27th, which was four days short of a year since he left. Also, my friend Philip came down. But more about him later. That day, though, I picked the girls up from school early and went home and slept. Philip and the girls and I went out to dinner that night and I went back to work the next day and the world went on. It's actually pretty sad. Who's Philip? Philip is a great guy that I became friends with in February. We went to the same church for a year or so but never actually met. Gotta love facebook! So we started talking and became friends. Then we started talking about dating if/when the divorce finalized. Which it did. I'm still not sure if we're dating or not but we're having fun, considering we live 5 hours apart.

Work is still work. I'm up in front a lot more, where I feel completely inadequate to be. Not that there's too much choice. We had an intern for a while but she didn't work out and so now I'm doing front and back again. I like the office and I like the work I just hate being away from the girls.

I found a great church home for us. Or rather, GOD brought us to a great church home. I'm taking a bible class and the big girls are doing choir. ClaireBeth has a solo, which I think is hilarious since she sings about as well as I do, which is not that well. But they love it and I love that they love worship and praise music. I just wish they made music that I liked a little more. Dang Christians, being so moderate!

So I'm done avoiding cleaning for right now. Have a great day!

Hmm...

2009-09-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

So I want to blog. I miss blogging. I keep thinking of things to blog about, or at least trying to. I've lost that up-beat, slightly sarcastic, poking-fun at myself but still entertaining tone that I used to have. It's been gone for about 11 months. Wow, it's actually gone by fast.

There's not a whole lot going on. Eric is still insistent on the divorce. It should be finalized in the next month or so. I kept hoping he'd change his mind but I really doubt that's going to happen. I quit praying for it just because I doubted it so much. Oh me of little faith. I know GOD has the ability to do anything and can soften the hardest heart. And HE still can. So I'll start praying. That our marriage is restored? I don't know. After it's final I won't remarry Eric unless he were to make GOD the center of his life (if the subject ever came up which I doubt it will :P). But that at least Eric realize there is someone who loves him way more than anyone on this earth can.

Work is there. I went to San Francisco with Dr. for the California Dental Association. We had a lot of fun, I learned a good bit and we went to see King Tut! Very cool! We're trying to get some people to help me, but now we have so many people that it's an even bigger mess. We have two high school volunteers who are just trying to pad their resume. They're seniors, though, so I'm not sure how much good it will do them. One is doing special stuff in the front. Another is an intern from a dental assistant who wants back. So I'm switching somewhat to front when she's there. If she stays. She's a single mom with two kids.

The girls are doing well, what I see of them. ClaireBeth is really enjoying school and going to a birthday party on Tuesday for one of her really good friends. ZoeBel and VeeZee are doing really well in preschool. They're both doing very well with the stuff they should be learning. ZoeBel is doing basic addition. VeeZee is counting and as long as she's counting something she does okay. Mainly I love that Meemaw and Papi love all three girls.

So that's about it. We've had a lot of friends move recently, but we've been spending more time with family. One of my best friends comes back from deployment next month. I have a cat who loves me, even if she's not that into the girls (can you blame her-just kidding!). But yup. That's about it. I've missed you guys and hope everyone's well!

Most Difficult People To Deal With

2009-08-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

This was sent by one of my favorite people in the world. She has been a great mentor and source of love for years.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!

I am sure that you had encountered some people whom you find most difficult to deal with. Perhaps this reminds you of someone as you read this. Your problems with them are not really due to how they are, but rather due to how you respond to how they are. People are different. Therefore, it is highly recommended that you learn their "language" to communicate. Learn to deal successfully with difficult people, and you learn valuable lessons about yourself. People are the way they are. Get past the need to try to change them, past the need to judge or condemn, and look for the value they offer. If you happen to pray for them, do not pray that they would be changed. Rather, pray that you would be transformed so that you will discover hidden value in them, and that you learn how to deal with them. In every difficult person you encounter, make a point to look past the difficult part and focus your attention on the person part. So, we can conclude they are your teachers! Through their difficulties you see things within yourself. And it takes courage to view yourself through them. But the rewards exceed the overcoming the fear.

"The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord test the heart." (Pv 17:3)

Walk with the King and be a blessing!

Sometimes It's Not Fun Being A Big Person

2009-08-13T20:47:00.000-07:00

This was just an irritating week at work. That's a lot of it. The repetitiveness of work completely makes me ignore the repetitiveness of the up-keep of the house. Monday I was there until after 2000. ClaireBeth was supposed to get some sealants done and instead ended up having a tooth that needed three fillings! Tuesday, Wednesday and today were long, too. I was almost able to go home after picking up the girls but I couldn't find something expensive. I finally found it, and still somehow ended up working until 1930.

On an up note, VeeZee is progressing quite well at potty training. I put her in panties and plastic pants on Friday and she's been in them since. After getting the hang of it, which took a few days, she's had one accident a day. At least with pee (I'm not sure how to put that delicately). We're not really getting anywhere with the other. She doesn't quite realize what her body's telling her. But it's been less than a week.

I'm also looking at trying some new recipes tomorrow. Snickerdoodles and cream puff cake. I'll let you know how they go.

A Sweet Saturday

2009-08-08T16:18:00.000-07:00

So today was nice. I got up very early and got to email with one of my best friends. The living portion of the living room (it's split into living/office by the couch/chair) is clean, even if there are still boxes to unpack. It's mostly the girls' stuff or random junk that I'm not really sure why we have or where it should go. But I'd rather it sit in the living room and me hopefully get rid of it as opposed to stuffing it in the storage closet and moving it to the next place we move, whether it be a month, a year or a decade from now. And the exercise bike that I had to have and Eric was sweet enough to get me even though he knew I'd never use it-it sat in his closet for a year-and-a-half to two years. The office portion if the living room is still a mess, but I'll do that tonight, after I do some dishes, since we have no clean ones left. I'm amazed at how little enthusiasm I have for cleaning the house now that I spend 10 hours a day cleaning at work. It's even worse than it was before! But then I could get up at 0500 and clean before the girls got up because I knew I could take a nap. There amazingly aren't naps when you work. Some days there aren't even lunches! But the girls played today. I added some photos to facebook if you'd like to see. They watched a movie while I took a nap with Patches. We tried out the park, which is a decent walk from here. We didn't stay long because I'm such a white girl and even in the shade I felt my shoulders getting hot. And unfortunately ZoeBel is like me. ClaireBeth was blessed with Eric's skin tone. Let's just hope she doesn't have his skin problems when she's a teenager. VeeZee is a throw back to my dad. I can safely say that only because I'm sure Eric's her dada, otherwise I'd be wondering myself. She has the same hair and eyes I had when I was little, but she's blessed with a beautiful tan all year round. And some say "Well, you live in sunny SoCal." It'd be the same if we lived in Michigan. Not that I would like to test that theory. So we're home from the park and it's now time to figure out dinner, since I didn't look at the menu and take any meat out. Wish me luck, and let's hope I can come up with something more interesting than spaghettios!

Adventures In Dentistry: Trying To Do Your Own Kids' Cleanings.

2009-08-05T21:15:00.000-07:00

So the girls were a month or so overdue for their cleanings and exams. Dr and I finally found a spot for them.

We try to get ZoeBel to go, partly because we have to do impressions for an appliance to help her stop sucking her thumb. She refuses so ClaireBeth goes. ClaireBeth who's been doing this for five years and is a pro. ZoeBel's been doing it for three. but acts like she's never seen the inside of a dentist's office in her life (which is hilarious since she goes to work with me all the time). I finally convince her to let me clean her teeth. She ends up standing up, leaning over my leg. Then when Dr. comes in from finishing ClaireBeth, who was a perfect angel-which is why Dr. got her and I got ZoeBel, I end up having to hold ZoeBel in my lap. And she still balked! But we got her done. Now we just have to take impressions tomorrow!

Vee I actually ended up chasing through the office. It was after hours, I promise! I would have just let her go, otherwise. I had to strap her down with my arms and legs and pry her mouth open, but we at least got the front clean. You should have seen her when ClaireBeth got three prizes for her cleaning, exam and going first without crying and ZoeBel got two prizes for her cleaning and exam. But she still wouldn't let us clean or look anymore. Stubborn child! And did I mention that I bribed ZoeBel? I did. I told her if she did her impressions without fussing or crying then I'd buy her a new pony or groovy girl. I know, I'm horrible. But I'm hoping $10 now will save $100s or possibly $1000s down the line. Not likely, but we shall see. Another reason I became a dental assistant-we get good discounts.

What To Blog, What To Blog...

2009-08-05T03:08:00.001-07:00

I'm sure no one even reads this anymore since postings are so sporadic and they've all kind of sounded the same. I've started a few posts, but half-way through I'll decide that I shouldn't or don't want to post them. While a blog is fun, you have to be careful what you put in it. Sometimes things can come back and bite you in the rear. Same with facebook. So I don't complain about work. I don't share my frustration about Eric. I don't tell y'all that if I hear "Mama" one more time I'm going to take all of their plastic toys and melt them in the chemiclave at work. Oops, shouldn't have let that one slip out...oh well.

So Life. Well, it's going. And at this point it's a little bit lonely. Randi has moved the Maryland, she's actually been there since May. She's about 4 months along with their fourth baby. Her husband is doing recruiting duty. Charlie and Mia, my best friends from high school, moved to Maryland in June. She was going to graduate school in LA. She was there for a good two or three years. I finally went and visited in May. Isn't that sad?! I was very glad when they moved from LA, just sad that they moved so far away. They're trying to get me to move out there with them. Bill and Sarah moved to Virginia. Bill got transferred to Washington, D.C.The person I talk to the most is on a boat somewhere in the middle of the ocean. It's through email. Thank goodness for email. And facebook. blogging is nice, too, but that requires that you actually do it. ;)

Since some of you don't know, Eric and I went back to mediation, where a counselor helps us figure out a parenting schedule. The girls are still living with me, we just had to work out what to do when Eric's schedule changes in October. We did find out that the divorce could be final as early as late-October/early-November. My lovely husband asked if we could move that particular court date sooner. Lovely.

Work is work. Doctor and I are going to San Francisco in September for a dental convention. I get to go to seminars/take classes, so it should be fun. It's still just her and I. And I'm horrible at insurance so unfortunately it falls to her to do. Mainly we just haven't had time to teach me and let me do it with her to make sure I know what I'm doing. She only wants me to work 40 hours a week, and you run out of hours when you work 10 hour days. This week is light. Maybe I can go in on Friday so we can work on that. That plus it's good to know as much front office as possible, even if you work back.

Umm, what else. I was sick for two days last week and got to take time off work. Yea! Everyone loves that! ClaireBeth starts school in less than three weeks. 2nd grade-very scary! I can't believe she just turned 7. ZoeBel and VeeZee are doing well, as is ClaireBeth. We're getting into somewhat of a normal routine. I know, about time. I guess I haven't been too diligent because I know it's going to change when ClaireBeth goes to school, and now in October when Eric has more time it will really change, but only for 6 weeks, then it changes again. Like VeeZee isn't potty trained yet just because I know I don't have enough time together to do it. Which is sad, she could have been potty trained months ago. ZoeBel no longer needs training pants at night though. Yea, ZoeBel!

Well, I'm off to eat my chicken nuggets and go back to bed. If you bother to read this anymore, leave me a comment so I know you're out there.

ClaireBeth Turns Seven!

2009-07-30T12:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to Me! Happy Birthday to Me!

Birthday cinnamon toast. And a wish.

Yea, I'm seven!

Hey!!!

2009-06-28T20:31:00.001-07:00

So we're still kicking. I've started writing a couple of posts, but often once I start writing I feel better about whatever I was writing about and am able to look at it and know that I shouldn't post it. But we are here.

ClaireBeth came home. YEA!!! She come up to my underarm and has humongous feet, but still. She finished 1st grade and I have her registered at school here already. ZoeBel and Vee are going to a great preschool and ClaireBeth is joining them for the summer.

We tried a new church today. I loved the sermon and music but we'll have to see about the kids' stuff. I think ZoeBel's was the one I was least happy about. The teacher was there even after she'd traded for the week off and was kind of complaining to the lady that was taking us around right in front of us. And she was older. After having an awesome kids' ministry with a lot of younger, energetic women I'm not used to the more straight-laced, by the book classes. Maybe Rana (Pastor's wife and head of the elementary age group at FSD) should come do some consulting!

I'm still at the same office. It's still Doctor and myself, though she's having someone come in Wednesday to try out. We just get swamped on days when we do all fillings and crowns and the like, as opposed to cleanings and stuff. I've been there for four months and officially hired for about three.

Eric and I went to mediation to figure out a visitation schedule and came away with pretty much exactly what we were already doing. It's really just his work schedule that's the problem. But we're trying to work it out. We go to court tomorrow to get guidelines pretty much for all the other junk. We'll see how it goes. I had to take the day off, but at least I might get to sleep in or get some stuff done tomorrow before I head down. I have a few errands to run and am having lunch with one of the best women I know, who's also leaving in July for Virginia/DC. I love how God provides strength and love in the form of people during the storms, I just hate when they're called somewhere else. Thank goodness we live in a time of facebook, email and skype, though.

As to the apartment, I'm finally feeling like I'm getting somewhere with unpacking. I had to take all of the girls' books away, though. The living room's not done, but it's getting there. I still have some boxes of random junk, though. But I'm getting to the point where I want to rearrange everything. I'm nuts, I know.

So I'm off to fold/hang some of the six loads of clean laundry I have yet to do. I really do miss blogging and checking in on all of my friends that blog as well. Facebook is a demanding mistress. But...So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good-bye; Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu...

Hello from Vista!

2009-04-29T19:16:00.000-07:00

Just checking in. Well, the little girls and I are in our new apartment. I won't say we're actually moved in since there are more boxes than I remember packing sitting in our living room, but we're surviving. The girls started a new school this week, after two days at a day care, one day at work with me, a week with my mom, a new neighbour I'd met once the day before and a friend. Work's going well.

Eric filed finally. It only took five months for him to get around to it. I got them on Easter even! He left them at his dad's house the day before. His sister had to give them to me because his dad and his dad's girlfriend couldn't bear to do it. Lovely. I went ahead and filed a response. I didn't want to, but the state of Claifornia doesn't really care about whether both parties want the divorce or not. Oh well.

Okay, better go. Dinner's ready. I'll write something more detailed soon!

Hiya!

2009-04-06T22:36:00.000-07:00

So we got approved for the apartment. I move on Saturday. Except my family doesn't seem to realize it and still expects us on Sunday. I guess we'll live. We even got a kitty to go with it. Patches (still debating changing it) fits in great with us girls, which isn't necessarily a good thing. She's independent, opinionated and fierce. She's also quite good at letting you know that she doesn't like something.

ClaireBeth is having a great time in Ohio. I still talk to her everyday. I found daycare for ZoeBel and Vee, which is very exciting. And the woman is an answer to prayer. She is willing to work with me concerning fees and times.

Work is going fairly well. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about church. I'd planned on leaving, but things happened faster than I expected after nothing happening for a while and so I don't know if I'm ready or not yet.

No real news on any other front. I'll post photos soon. I also have them up on facebook.

Hello Again

2009-03-27T21:16:00.000-07:00

Well, my mother-in-law has come and gone, taking ClaireBeth back to Ohio with her. ClaireBeth loves her new school, has a new bike and is having a great time. I call her every morning and we talk and pray before she goes to school.

ZoeBel and Vee are doing okay. They don't really talk about ClaireBeth, and I'm worried that they think she's one more person who has disappeared from their life. They haven't talked to her yet, but they will today.

I've found a cute place to live, I just need to apply and get approved. I'll do that Monday (I had hoped to do it today, but oh well). They allow cats (I don't know how many), so I'm thinking about getting one (maybe two!) for the girls. I just don't want to wait until ClaireBeth gets home. I found a great blog to adopt kitties in the area, fabulousfelines.blogspot.com. It's a little expensive, but the cats are young, fixed, dewormed and vaccinated. You also get a free vet visit. So maybe for the girls' birthday (early:D). I still don't know what I'm going to do about childcare. Scary.

Work is going okay. I'm getting better and feeling a little more confident. Except when it comes to ordering. I was supposed to do that today and just could not focus, so I didn't get it done. I kind of just left.

Eric. Well, Eric is grumpy. Eric is making poor choices. Eric got the position he wanted at work, but I don't see the point. What is a position at work going to get you?

So I'm off. My plans for today were messed up, but I'm sure I can find something to do.

Where has the time gone?

2009-03-14T20:04:00.000-07:00

Good grief. It's only been like two months. I guess I'll go by topic as opposed to person.

So school. I have one week left. I'm at a 98% on my tests. I'll definitely miss the office when I'm done. It's nice to be in a place that is well organized and full of fun people.

On to work. I'm currently doing a "paid internship". Which means that someone that interviewed me and had me come in for free for two half days (where I worked 22 hours over those two days) still hasn't decided if they want to hire me full time. I'm also the only assistant in the office. I finally told the doctor that I needed to be paid since I have three little girls. Dr was supposed to decide after this last week if they wanted to hire me. Of course no decision. But I am getting paid (though not what I should be) and I'm learning a ton. So what if I don't see the girls or eat all day. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right? I sent out more resumes and someone else contacted me, I just hope they don't let the distance deter them. It's up in Oceanside and I told them that I was willing to move up there so hopefully it won't. Once I get a job I'll start really looking for a place to stay. No point moving to El Cajon because it's cheap if I work in Fallbrook.

ClaireBeth is going to Ohio to finish first grade. She leaves with my mother-in-law on Thursday It seems the easiest option. There will be no issue with days missed and there will be a reason as to why she doesn't get to see Eric.

So on to Eric. He's still being completely grumpy and non-reconciliatory. He still hasn't filed for divorce but says that he plans to some time this week. He refuses to go to counseling. He keeps saying work has been so busy. I think he forgets that I've been through all but two of the cycles he has.

ZoeBel is, well, ZoeBel. Nothing much has changed, except she may be more devious than ever.

Vee turned two about a month ago. She's talking in huge sentences and has a strong personality, to use a polite word for it.

Umm, not a whole lot else. I'm exhausted and kind of grumpy. If I have any spare time on the computer I spend it on Facebook. Not as much writing so I feel less depressed there. Here I just write and it gets kind of pathetic. But yep, that's about it. I'll check in soon, hopefully less than 2 months from now!

Just Checking In

2009-01-20T21:02:00.000-08:00

Today was ClaireBeth's first day of school. I went and registered her, which took forever and was rather a pain since I was transferring within the same district. There were a few things that kind of concerned me, but I can't really be too picky right now. She was put into a 1st/2nd combo with Mrs. Johnson. She came home with homework but nothing else. NOTHING else. I'm guessing we should have class stuff by the end of the week, but the teacher wasn't too prepared. Neither was the front office. It was very disorganized. There were quite a few other kids enrolling today and another new girl in ClaireBeth's class. So you would think that it's something the school would be used to. Unfortunately I had to go to work right after I picked ClaireBeth up and then the kids went to bed early today. I'll have to talk to her tomorrow. I haven't really spent a lot of time with the girls since we moved in. Randi does things differently than I do and we're trying to find a balance.

School and work are great. I'm learning tons and doing tons and am really liking it. But I also haven't seen anything gross yet. I probably don't want to move to hill-billy country to be a dental assistant. Bubba teeth are fun at Halloween and that's about the only time. Laelia is great. She's been rolling all over the place for a while now but her independent streak is coming out and apparently she's not big on stretches or being moved about like a baby doll. Unfortunately it won't get any better from here. But for the most part she's a joy to have, spitting out her food aside. I will definitely miss her when I have to quit.

No news concerning Eric, though he did say he'd some to Vee's party. He tried to say he wouldn't but I convinced him to. It's not her fault and she shouldn't have to suffer because of it. Instead the rest of us will so she can have a few pictures of her birthday party when she's older. Oh well, it's the long run that counts.

Other than that we're good. Randi and I are getting along pretty well, especially considering the fact that it's her house and we're both strong willed. She's much more laid back about stuff though. So I'm living with someone who's aggressively laid back. Go figure. So my routines and methods are having a hard time fitting in, even though it is admitted that they work better. Hmm, maybe we should try couples counseling. And it's a lot harder being a stay at home mom than going out and working. Especially if you actually spend time with your kids. I miss it but like having a few hours away. However I'm not really looking forward to having to work full time. I might actually miss the girls! But I'm off to bed. And wondering what I can reschedule to make everything fit into the week. Wish me luck!

Stupid Widgets

2009-01-15T01:06:00.000-08:00

Well, I don't know if that's what happened, but it's a fun word. I tried using a different template site since the one I usually use crashed a few weeks ago. It totally messed up my blog. So I'm not sure how to fix it since I mainly shop and email on the computer. Plus everything is Valentine's right now anyway. Haven't decided what to do with that; or my birthday two weeks after. Hmm, hadn't really thought about this. Sucky.

So A Quick Recap

2009-01-14T10:16:00.000-08:00

Went to school Saturday. It was a short day and I wish they had shoved more in. But I have a test next week. We did make impressions (the goopy stuff in the tray), models (replicas of the teeth from the impressions) and whitening trays. We also watched two videos and saw truly disgusting nasty teeth. Ooh, ooh, I also almost made my partner gag with the tray but got a great impression!

I went in to the office Monday and Tuesday afternoons. It was fun. I've seen fillings, dealt with my first patient who thought he knew more than the dentist, helped with two kids and torn down a lot of rooms and sterilized a lot of instruments. Fun fun fun.

As to the house I am now completely done. My father-in-law and his girlfriend helped a lot and my small group saved me big-time. Sarah came and helped me clean two days and the group watched kids and actually helped me get the rest of my stuff out of the house. Eric wasn't too happy with how it was left but I did all the cleaning and got all of my stuff out. He gets to finish up the house (vacuum a room or two and I'd scrub down the kitchen sink again but whatever). The back yard and the garage are also his to deal with. Apparently, though, Vee spilled rubbing alcohol in his closet and some of the colors from his clothes bled. He was a little grumpy about that too. But I left my keys and garage door opener and so can't go back in. It's a relief but sad. No matter what we couldn't have pulled our notice and I briefly met the people that will move in, but still. Oh well. It's not up to me.

Some Days

2009-01-09T06:15:00.000-08:00

Thursday started out a good day. Randi got us Starbucks and filled my van up for me. That was great. Then it went a little downhill. I had to start my HepB vaccines. Right as he's about to stick me the guy says, "Because of the way the medicine's made and it being a little oily it's going to sting a bit." I just look at him for a second. I asked him why he told me that and didn't just stick me and he said he didn't want me to be surprised. Why would I want to know that right before you're going to stick me?

When I get to the old house nothing's wrong, I'm just not sure where to start or what to do. Dad and Sam and Brandon meet me at the storage to put my dresser in. When I open the door there are all of my dishes lying in a pile on the floor. A good few of them are broken. I didn't want to get a count. So we go back to the house and get more stuff. I get completely turned around and it takes us an extra ten minutes to get to storage because the Balboa exit doesn't actually put you on Balboa. Nice. It all fit and I think I have enough room for the few things left. So when I go over today I can hopefully get a good bit done. Then we're off to bible study late. Randi is too sweet, though. We left home about 1:30 and at 6:30 she called because she was worried about us. She'd forgotten about bible study.

We got there and I was just about to step in Vee when threw up. She had run around the storage place after eating a Mama Rosa's pizza. Then I ran with my arm on her tummy up the street to the house. So I was hoping that was it. Except she did it again. I was at bible study for an hour and probably was a bigger disruption than anything (big surprise, right?!?! When am I not?). And she got mostly carpet. I'm glad I was wearing two layers yesterday. People don't like it when you drive naked. They're not too understanding about throw up and the like. And I still get Laelia today. Not that I don't want her, but Vee's already clingy and whiny today and I don't want Laelia to get sick.

So off we go to start the day. Woohoo!

Once Again I Need Help

2009-01-08T08:38:00.000-08:00

My small group is going over to the old house on Sunday to help me finish cleaning and packing and moving. I hate needing so much help. I don't understand why I can't just do it on my own. Ugh. But at least there are people who will help. I can't imagine having no one to help when I really needed it. My friends and family in Christ are one of my biggest praises. My real family is fantastic, too. But the others do it just out of the love God is pouring through them. But the house should be done at least. I'm worried about going today to get the dresser out of Eric's dad's truck since it is super heavy and there will only be a few of us. AAHHHH!!!!!!

So I'm Late-Big Surprise

2009-01-05T21:59:00.000-08:00

Yes, New Year's was a few days ago (five, but who's counting). And so far, it's just another day with a different number at the end. I didn't wake up to find myself in our old room; I didn't instantaneously look like. . .well, there are quite a few attractive actresses, but none that I'd like to look like since everyone's seen pretty much everything there is to see of them. While I was hoping to be out of the house by then (or at least wanting to get it over by then), that didn't happen. So I'm slowly doing the cleaning and the last sorting/packing, knowing I'm not going to get it done by Saturday when I start school and realizing I have only 11 more days to get it done and I don't know how I'm going to get the last few big things out of there. Not too scary until I realize Eric's stuff is still all there and he probably won't help me with any of the cleaning. "Babe, I'm working. I can't get time off. You know how this job is." Said of course in a deep boy voice with just a hint of hurt because you apparently don't care and exasperation that it has to be explained to you. Ugh.

So this year I will have to fully step out and trust God. That's my resolution, as it were, or at least would have been if I had bothered to do one. I start school on Saturday. I'm a little scared that employers will look at it as a short, abbreviated education as opposed to doing one of the 8 to 10 month long schools where you go all day every day. So going is in itself following God. To be given this chance by the owners of the school and a place to live and finding out that the owners are Christians. God didn't even have to hit me over the head with a 2x4 this time, though He did have to pretty much throw me out of the nest so I'd take the chance to fly. But on the upside I got a pretty lavender notebook, colored pens and pretty stickies to go along with my chic scrubs and white shoes with sparklies. And now of course comes the worries over a job afterwards. And the daycare thing. And where to move to. So off to Matthew we go. Chapter 6 verse 34 is especially appropriate. But alas, same old worries, same old posts, same old blog.

Life right now is very fun. My room is still in boxes. The girls' has been unpacked. Unfortunately it was by them and only one dresser has been brought over so there are clothes everywhere, but hey. Randi and I are getting along pretty well, considering that I've been lazy and apathetic lately. I'm slowly getting better. Very slowly. But at least I'm not getting worse. Laelia's a hoot to work with. Sometimes it can be rather difficult to watch someone else's child, but at least she keeps things interesting. I've watched more anime in the last week than I ever expected to watch in my life. We've been Harry Pottering the last few nights, after a season of His and Her Circumstance and of course before that was Star Trek. We've learned that Randi's dog likes eggnog cookies and both the dog and the cat will eat peas. Of course, why wouldn't they? But it's time to go to bed, to sleep, perchance to dream. Well, okay, I haven't been that melancholy or depressed. Just an overload of Kenneth Branagh. We did learn that watching Harry Potter at 1.5 speed really did speed things up. Randi's dvd player will still play the audio and it didn't take 2.5 hours to get through the movie. Always nice to know. (Kenneth Branagh is in Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets, which we watched, if you're wondering where the jump came from. But he's also done several Shakespeares.)

Home Is Where The Heart Is

2008-12-31T06:04:00.000-08:00

So we're moved. There's still some stuff at the old house and I have to clean it, but we're spending nights at the new place. It's definitely been interesting! Actually, I love it. Girls are so much more sensible than boys. I'm staying with a female friend who has three boys. Together we take care of the kids, cook, do laundry, clean. Everything. We've had minor congenial spats due to me not listening to what God has laid on her heart. She's offering to take care of something that I was not expecting and I'm having trouble letting go. I'm also not allowed to mention Sam's Club at the moment because of it. But usually we're laughing at each other during it.

The girls are doing okay. During the day they're fine. Night they're still treating as a vacation, where you don't really have to listen to Mama or Miss Randi. It will be fixed, I just hope it doesn't take too long. Her boys are 6 (May of the same year as ClaireBeth), 4 1/2 (June the year before ZoeBel) and 2 1/2-ish (April before Vee). They're respectful, obedient and well mannered. I just hope my girls don't ruin them. ClaireBeth's school doesn't start until the 20th and I'm not sure if I'll put ZoeBel on the wait list. I should pray about it this week. They've still talked to Gee and Daddy and we've still seen Grandpa. So hopefully they realize most everything will stay the same for right now. I do need to figure out who might watch them on Saturdays while I'm at school.

I'm alright. Laelia's already been over here twice. It's another two-day work week because of New Year's. Things transitioned well. Charles doesn't seem to have a problem bringing her over here and Alexis hasn't picked her up yet. We'll see how it goes next week. Funwise we've watched a lot of Star Trek. Randi's a huge fan. We've played Wii. We've organized and put away. We've made menus and cooked. We've done laundry. Oh. I also live with my hairstylist so I now have highlights, something I never thought I'd do again. But they're subtle, they look nice and they should fade out as opposed to grow out. My hair's also pretty short. I told her if she kept cutting it she wouldn't have anything to cut later and I now think we're at that point. It's apparently not as bad as our friend's daughter's hair though. I'm getting excited about school. As a start of school gift Randi bought me two pair of scrubs, plus the pants that I asked her to pick up that started the scrub shopping spree. One shirt is really cute with white very light paisley-ish print accented with red and teal. The other is a Valentine heart shirt that is cute enough to wear in October. So school ought to be fun just for the new clothes I get to wear. Cleaning people's teeth and making molds for dentures is just a plus!

Well, off to start the day. Dad and Roger are helping me take everything left to Randi's or storage today. Woohoo! That plus I'm trying to finish The House by Ted Dekker and Frank Peretti. Not necessarily my favorite, too much Peretti influence. But oh well. Once I pick it up I usually like to finish it unless it's just too awful. Oh, and if you'd like to borrow a gaggle of girls for a Saturday while I go to school (8 to 5) let me know!

Feliz Navidid

2008-12-21T01:17:00.001-08:00

So today was our big Christmas thing with my family. I don't know if we're having one with Eric's dad or not. Last year it was here and my niece had a stomach bug (as was evidenced by her throwing up on her presents, my hallway and the bathtub in the duckie bathroom!-poor thing). While we were spared the gastrointestinal pyrotechnics this year, Ziggy had a fever and slept most of it. I took my one of my best friends Charlie along to try and cheer him up since his girlfriend and another best friend Mia was in Missouri for Christmas. I think he cheered me up more than anything, though. He's great with the girls. He even went and picked out their presents (clothes!) all by himself. I got candles!

But this time of year is kind of hard, especially since it's the first year. Charlie and I haven't ever been interested in each other; he's more of a big brother that's exactly 2 months older. Try explaining that one. But it felt nice to have a guy around. Someone to wrestle with the girls and just another pair of hands to help out. I don't even know what to do about Eric anymore. Unfortunately I've even quit praying about it. Not because I don't think God can change things, but because things keep not getting changed and I feel so disheartened. So maybe that should be my new goal: to make an effort to pray for our marriage and just for Eric in general since I've been avoiding it. Sometimes someone will say something that is slightly negative concerning Eric and the situation. I joked one time that we'll get back together just because of how our friends and family would have to try to deal with the person they're grumpy with. We put notice in on the house, and unfortunately that just feels like one more permanent step closer. But God is a god of miracles. He is also our comforter and hope. So we march one, which unfortunately includes cleaning and packing, hoping all of our stuff will fit in a 5x10 space and two bedrooms, all while working late Monday and Tuesday, having the rest of the week and the weekend off and then having Laelie again on Monday.

What God's Doing!

2008-12-18T21:57:00.000-08:00

It's been interesting lately. I went to get my haircut last Tuesday. I go to church with the lady who cuts it. She's in my small group and knows everything that's going on. So she kinda blurts out that she has two extra bedrooms and a husband out to sea (or under the sea; he's on a sub) and we can stay with her. I told her not to offer anything she might have to carry through with, jokingly of course. So I came home and called the dental assistant school I had been thinking about.

I had found a different school and became interested. So I looked around online and found this school. I talked to someone at church who I only knew worked in a dentist's office. I didn't know in what capacity, though found out she's a registered dental assistant. She calls me the next day with the name of the second school I had found. It's a ten week course, only meeting on Saturdays. If you can, you have the opportunity to go in and work four hours during the week. I'll get a certificate of completion in dental assisting, an x-ray license and something in CPR. I'll learn sterilization, teeth polishing, surgical prepping; a whole bunch of stuff. I called and talked to the person on the phone and set up a time to go tour and talk to an instructor. It seems really interesting. But before, since I get everywhere early, I sat in the car praying that God would show me what to do. So I talk with the instructor and eventually explain my situation and inability to pay the tuition how they needed when they wanted and she says to leave my name and number and maybe something could be worked out. The dentist calls the next day and leaves a message saying how he'd been thinking since he'd gotten up and he really wanted to work with me. I call back and of course get a message. At the end it said "God Bless". So I'm wondering if he'd been praying about it. He calls back and says that they will work with me and I only have to send in the application and deposit. Then someone very generously gave me a gift to cover the deposit. Class starts January 10th and I already bought my first pair of scrubs-pink! My next set will probably be purple!

What do I do then? I call my friend and tell her she has four new roommates. She lives in the military housing off of Aero Dr. They have four bedrooms and three boys. So we'll see how it goes. It will definitely be interesting, loud and fun. I get to continue watching Laelia. I'm very excited because I really like having her and while I took her to be able to tithe and to help her parents, it is now a huge help to me. ClaireBeth will transfer to the school down the street from the new house. It's year-round and has the same early day as Dewey. Ziggy I really need to start praying for. I really don't want to drive her over here and come back to pick her up everyday, so I will probably pull her out of school. My friend watches three girls on Mondays, so we might just start our own preschool thing. Goodness know I have enough junk for it. And Vee's just Vee.

I did call to schedule counseling for the girls, at least Ziggy and ClaireBeth. I left a message. Hopefully they'll get back. I'm usually okay until something really sweet or sad happens. I broke down crying after the dentist said he would work with me concerning tuition. Tonight was bible study. Two good friends had given sweet, thoughtful gifts to us, something standard but wonderful. Then the leader took out some envelopes. Our group started out as and is still part of a military ministry through The Rock. So the group takes part in stuff. The leader was given gifts from people at The Rock to give to military families in need. So three of us were given gifts to Target to help out. That's when I lost it tonight. That plus all the help Mom and Roger and other people have given us just overflowed. And just seeing how much God shows me He cares about us is awesome. One of the gifts from the ladies was a silver stone saying "just believe. things happen for a reason. . .", which I keep getting reminded of, whether it's by my friend saying we'll work through this or something God wrote thousands of years ago for me to find.

So I'm off to clean my room, hoping that having a clean relaxing place to go will help. And trying not to live four months from now when school's over and I have to figure out what to do then but still have to consider the fact that ClaireBeth goes to a year-round school in Cali where school starts later than other places and so attendance is touchy and find an area with Tricare. So we'll just worry about the laundry on the floor and how to get the furniture down the stairs.

Hey!

2008-12-16T21:43:00.000-08:00

So I've had a lot of new stuff happen. I just haven't had a chance to write about it. I'm packing to move on the 27th. I'll write more soon.

It's Time For VeggieTales!

2008-12-12T07:59:00.000-08:00

Eric forgot Vee's toothbrush when they went to Ohio, so he had to buy her another one. I was going through her bag and found it (and of course the accompanying Tinker Bell toothpaste). It's VeggieTales. That was cute enough, until I noticed a button. It plays VeggieTale songs. It's awesome! I wish I had a toothbrush like that!

My Breakfast

2008-12-08T07:29:00.000-08:00

I love my girls. I really do. I miss Vee quite a bit, though it is a lot easier with her gone. I miss her sweet hugs and her little acts of kindness. Also how she keeps us neat since if you leave anything out she yells at you!

So as to breakfast. The girls got downstairs before I did and were discussing the merits of different foods for breakfast (meaning they were yelling at each other). So they decide to each have their own breakfast. Fair enough. When I get downstairs Ziggy is making a pbj for me and ClaireBeth has a biscuit with butter and honey waiting for me. I love 3 and 6 year-old presents! The biscuits were from last night when we had some great friends over for dinner. So they were cold. The butter was soft, but ClaireBeth really likes butter so there was tons. The pbj had a bit of peanut butter on it and a dab of jelly. And so while the breakfast was good though not fantastic, it was the thought that really got me. Ziggy made my sandwich first-something that we've been working on, putting others first. After she made hers she was determined to make one for Vee for when she got home. It took a little persuading to convince her it would taste better if she made it when Vee got home. ClaireBeth made me a biscuit out of love even when I'm not always loving towards her. She keeps telling me she loves me even when I hurt her feelings. Being Mama I can be selfish or unfair sometimes. So I just feel really blessed today. Breakfast also reminded me that it's not me that matters, it's others and God. And He gave me these beautiful girls to raise, both as a reminder of how I should live (child-like faith and love is the ideal but all too soon we become hard and jaded) and what I should be showing the world as an example. So while I don't know what will come next, my behavior should reflect the love, hope, faith, grace and mercy I've been given, not the fear and worry that want to take over.

Vee Free

2008-12-06T07:57:00.001-08:00

Vee went with Eric to Ohio. They left early Wednesday morning (so early that ClaireBeth fell asleep on the 15 minute drive to church that evening) and come back late Wednesday night. So I get 8 Vee free days. I think other people are more upset than I am. A friend came over for bible study and she's all "I miss Vee!" Which I do too, but I'll live. I even have a Laelia free two days on Tuesday and Wednesday. Yea!

So Eric and Vee made it out okay, despite his worries of what to do with her if he had to use the restroom while on the plane. I'd plugged the DVD player in the day before, but forgot to turn it off so it would charge. Thank goodness TV is free on the plane and Nickelodeon played lots of Diego (Vee's favorite-she even calls Dora Diego, or Daydoe). And now she's sick. Ziggy was sick last week, she threw up once and then had, well, gastrointestinal issues for four days. So I don't know if this is the same thing, since it's a bit longer than you would think it would take to set in. So Vee's sick, Eric has to deal with it and while I feel bad for both of them, I'm glad I don't have to clean it up.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

2008-12-05T16:30:00.000-08:00

So I bought a tree for the girls today. I shouldn't have, but they've really been wanting one. Except now they're trying to decorate it without me! I was trying to set up Christmas with my family (Eric's won't start planning for at least another week) and the girls got the Christmas bucket out of the garage and brought it inside. It's scary how resourceful they can be when they're determined. So right now they're having to take everything off the tree so I can put lights on and pick colors. And I don't think they'll be purple, blue and Simpsons. The girls have yet to learn about complimentary colors.

A Primer For Accordion Beginners

2008-12-02T07:01:00.001-08:00

Get an accordion. The cheaper the better because they all sound the same.

Do not tell anyone what you have done. It will only cause them to worry.

They will find out soon enough.

Take the accordion out of the case and strap it on. It is better if the accordion rests on your chest instead of your back but, for the first few weeks, it doesn't really make that much difference.

For sounds to be produced, three things must happen. The third is the most important:

1. The bellows must be moving in or out.
2. One or more of the keys or buttons must be pressed.
3. All potential weapons within a one mile radius must be collected and secured.

The buttons on the left side are chord buttons. The "C" button has a dimple or nipple so you can find it without looking. This is a safety feature. Before it was invented, thousands of accordion players suffered painful and sometimes disabling injuries, much to the delight of the general public.

Never use more than three buttons. "Professional" accordionists appear to be using lots of buttons but they are actually just desperately trying to find the stupid "C".

By the way, "Professional" means they have learned to smile while they do it.

Play the black and white keys. The high notes are at the bottom and the low notes are at the top. That arrangement isn't supposed to make any sense. Accept it.

Note: If you find the high notes at the top and the low notes at the bottom, you have either put the accordion on upside down or you have tried to repair it yourself. If the former, turn the accordion over. If the latter, pack your accordion up with hundreds of dollars and mail it far away for a long, long time.

Continue playing until someone begs you to stop or threatens your life, whichever comes first.

Put the accordion back in its case, order an accordion t-shirt and wear it to your state's Accordion Fest.

Crosswalk: You Make Me Laugh

Mad

2008-11-29T19:40:00.000-08:00

At this point, I am. I'm mad that Eric left. That I have no job and no schooling. That someone else is going to have to raise my daughters so that I can feed them. That my oldest is crying for someone that won't come. That I'm the only one to take care of the girls. That I don't know what to do. That I didn't know what to do before and that's why we ended up here. That San Diego's so expensive. That I don't live in either of the cities I could move to and so don't know where to start looking for a job. That Eric isn't willing to work it out. That God isn't fixing it right away. That God might not fix it so that I can grow. That the house is a mess all the time because I'm exhausted trying to keep up with three girls all day. That I spend more time cleaning than playing with the girls because the house is always a mess. That no matter what I do Eric isn't reconsidering. That I ever got into this mess in the first place. That I feel like my prayers are bouncing off the sky. That I'm mad at God-or at least frustrated because I don't know what's next.

So this is edited quite a bit. I posted the unabridged version but came back and took out some parts. Even if I'm upset and mad and hurt, Eric is still my husband and I should respect him, even if I don't agree with his choices. But I am normal, don't worry, I am quite irritated with him.

We Stayed Home.

2008-11-29T12:04:00.000-08:00

So we didn't go to family camp. Ziggy has a bad tummy and I didn't want to infect the whole camp. I was already not wanting to go, but this was a good reason not too.

So What Now?

2008-11-28T19:37:00.000-08:00

To be honest, I'm a little lost. I always figured when I went back to school that Eric would be there to take care of the girls and I would go slowly. So I never really stressed on what I would study because it wasn't time yet. I've had ideas along the way: aesthetician with thoughts of opening a pregnancy spa with exercise classes eventually; nurse-labor and delivery of course; anything with languages, especially Russian and sign-neither of which I've studied.

And now I have to figure out how to go to school to learn something (anything), find work and I still don't want someone else raising my children. It's not impossible, I just don't know where to start. If anyone has a clue will you let me know?

Is It Winter Already?

2008-11-26T05:35:00.001-08:00

No, but I'll be at my father-in-law's tomorrow, family camp Friday, Saturday and Sunday and then back to work and school on Monday, so I thought I'd change it now. And hey, I didn't put it up before Halloween like the stores!

Where I'm At

2008-11-25T07:20:00.001-08:00

I don't really know. As to Eric and I, I still don't want this to happen. He's sad and he's hurt and he can't see past that. I can understand, I just don't like it. I also don't like that I've hurt him like that, even if inadvertently. I'm still praying that God will soften Eric's heart and allow Eric to forgive me and let us work it out. But that's what I want. Does God tolerate divorce? Well, he allows for it in a few situations. As a believer, I am told to let the non-believer leave if they want to. Does that mean that I shouldn't fight? I don't know. God may have great opportunities for me that I can't have if I stay with Eric. Would God choose to have us divorce? I don't think so, but I'm not Him. He allows us to make our own choices, even our own bad choices, of which I too have made plenty. So that's what I think this is, is a bad choice. Will it hurt people? Yes, definitely. Is it what God would want to happen? No. Can something good come out of it if we do divorce? Of course, it's just hard to see right now.

So I go about trying to decide what to do. I can move to another state if I need/want to. It's what Eric thinks is best for us girls. But I wouldn't be able to go to school until I set up residency. It's at least $10,000 a year for non-residents. But California is expensive. I'd have to work and go to school (at least it would help to have a better career) while raising three girls. It's possible, but I don't like the thought of someone else raising them. I've put off praying about what to do specifically because I keep hoping Eric will at least be willing to talk. Am I in denial? Umm, probably. I am starting to do a little bit, looking for places to live in the areas I've considered moving, looking at schools. Is anyone hiring right now? It doesn't sound like it. I've started trying to sell some of the girls' extra toys and stuff. I'm just not sure how much to sell yet. I also told Laelia's mom. I hated doing it. I'd love to keep her, but I had to give them fair warning. So now I might be out of a job here, too. Joy. And since she'll be here soon I'd better go.

Let's Get Cooking

2008-11-23T13:02:00.001-08:00

In case you haven't noticed, there's a fairly new section on the right. It's a weekly (hopefully) recipe. Check it out. If you'd like to submit a recipe, let me know in the comments.

So What's New

2008-11-22T12:45:00.000-08:00

Well, I might as well let everyone know since the situation doesn't seem to be getting any better. Eric has asked for a divorce. The girls will stay with me (one of the disadvantages to being active duty military from his point). One good thing is that they will continue to go to church and learn about God and grow in their relationships with Him. Other than that I don't see any upsides to this right now. I'm not positive where I will go with three little girls who should be close to their daddy. I was offered one opportunity (I spell this word wrong every time) but will have to pray about it. It's a big scary step, but just about everything is at this point.

So basically I'm heart broken. A lot of the problems were my fault (not loving Eric as Christ loves us, putting too many of my expectations on him, getting upset when he was always at work when he was always at work to make a better life for us, being critical), and he is past the point of trying to work things out. And while I'm not the only one that messed up, I knew better due to God's teaching. The worst part is that I've learned so much since we started having major problems and I'm wondering why I learned it if I can't use it to work on the problem. I would still like to try to work through our problems but he is refusing. And now the girls will be affected beyond belief. So right now I reaffirm that their daddy loves them very much and I pray about the situation. He just finished a cycle and they are off for the week, so maybe he'll see them more-I hope.

And this throws everything up into the air-at least from my perspective. Where the girls and I will live. How I will earn a living for us. How I will get though this. I know God has a plan, I just hate being the last to know! Eric told the girls this morning. They were already upset because they hadn't seen him much in the last few weeks, and their behavior took another dip after he told them. So here I go at being an officially single mom. I'm thinking things are going to get even harder than they were with him just being at work all the time.

Praise The Lord, O My Soul

2008-11-22T06:54:00.000-08:00

Psalm 103:1a

So it's still dark and I feel like I can't keep my head above water anymore. I started reading the Psalms this morning (while waiting for my cinnamon roll dough to rise, which it decided not to do). I'd honestly never liked them before. It mainly sounded like David was whining about all of his enemies and trying to be self-righteous. But this morning they clicked. I didn't read all of them (there are quite a few). My bible has a chart that tells what some of them about, so I read the ones that were listed that seemed helpful. In doing this I remembered things that are sometimes easy to forget.

God loves me (and you:))
God has a plan for every person.
God will not leave me, but sometimes I walk away from Him.
God will forgive me.
God always hears my prayers, but He knows what's best. We may not get what we want but we will grow in our faith.
God will take care of me.
God is perfect and I never will be. Therefore I can't think that I know better than God.

Nehemiah!

2008-11-16T20:37:00.000-08:00

My nephew (actually 2nd cousin but they let me be Auntie) Nehemiah accepted Christ tonight, asking him to be his Savior and his Lord. Giving God control of your life and accepting His unconditional love as a child can be an awesome thing, especially with parents like Nehemiah has; parents who relinquish control of their lives and how they raise their children to God. This must be an awesome day in their household, and certainly in heaven.

Luke 15:10 (the applicable part) ". . . I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."

So the angels are partying because of my nephew. What a fantastic picture!

Looking For Love, by Greg Laurie

2008-11-16T18:49:00.000-08:00

I get daily devotionals but had kind of stopped reading this one. I'm glad I read it, sometimes we need a reminder. Even if you don't believe in God or don't like the church please read it. It will only take a moment and it might be just what you needed.

Some years ago, I came across the obituary of a woman named Doris Duke, a tobacco heiress and philanthropist. She was a woman of immeasurable wealth, worth some $1 billion at the time of her death at age 80.She once told a friend that she never knew when a man really loved her, because, after all, she was worth a billion dollars. She said, "I would go out with a man a couple of times, and the next thing I knew, he would be saying, 'I love you.' I could never really know if he really meant it. How could I be sure?"That is a good question.

How can we be sure of real love? We use the word love so often that it has almost become a cliché. We have only one word for love in the English language. We use it in a variety of ways, ranging from "I love my job" to "I love my car" to "I love my dog" to "I love my wife."But what is love? One dictionary defines it as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection, a feeling of warm personal attachment, sexual desire or its gratification."I think that is a poor definition of love, but sadly, many wouldn't even aspire to something that high.

Love is more than an emotion; it's a commitment.In contrast to English, the Greek language uses many words for love. Some of them are used in the Bible, including the words erōs, phileō, storgē, and agapē. Erōs, from which we get our English word erotic, is primarily love on the physical level. Phileō, from which the name Philadelphia originates, means "brotherly love." It is the love that two friends have, a friendship love. Then there is storgē, which refers to family love, such as the love of a child for a parent or a parent for a child.

Finally, there is a unique word for love that is used so often in the New Testament: agapē. When we read the word love in Scripture, it is usually agapē. This is God's love, a supernatural love that also can be known and practiced by us.

That is not to say that physical attraction, friendship love, and family love are unimportant. They each have their place. For example, if erōs is satisfied in the marriage relationship, it can be wonderful. But you don't want to build a marriage on physical attraction alone. If you build a marriage solely on erōs, it is destined for failure.You need to take the time to get to know a person and allow friendship love to develop as you grow closer to one another. But you also need that supernatural love to really sustain, strengthen, and cause your relationship to flourish.When you have built your relationship on the right foundation, you will look forward to the years ahead, instead of dreading the aging process together. You will grow to appreciate your husband or wife more and more. It is not just a matter of falling in love. It is also a matter of growing in love.

While the right relationship built on the right foundation can be wonderful, there is a far greater love available to us. The Bible tells us about it in John 3:16: "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life" (NKJV). This same God wants to come into your life and show you real love.Each of us was born with a hole in our heart that cannot be filled with anyone or anything. We can try to fill it with relationships. We can try to fill it with possessions or career or success or a myriad of other things. But nothing will fill that void because we were created to know God.

Many of us confuse loneliness for God with something else, when, in reality, we are lonely to have a relationship with the God whom we are separated from.Are you tired of the cheap imitations for love that this world offers—people who say they love you, and then use you or take advantage of you? God will never use you. He will never take advantage of you. But what He will do is show you what real love is all about.He loves you with the best kind of love: agapē. Now that is true love.

Greg Laurie

Ziggy Is In The Building.

2008-11-14T18:45:00.000-08:00

This is Ziggy in her sunglasses from my mother-in-law. Right now Ziggy is a rock star; usually (but thankfully not currently) this is accompanied by her singing repeatedly the words Hannah Montana, which she has seen less than five times her entire life. She has also been a super spy, Harry Potter, a doctor and a pilot in these glasses. Apparently I should take back all of her Christmas presents; she obviously doesn't need them.

I Will Praise You In This Storm

2008-11-07T07:01:00.000-08:00

So I'm in the middle of a tempest right now. More like a hurricane or tsunami actually. So, sorry I haven't written, I just haven't had the energy or motivation. But I am finding things to praise God for in the middle of this storm. I'm also learning things left and right about and concerning the problems I'm having. We're all alive, just laying low for a while.

The Girls

2008-10-31T17:15:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what she is, but she's cute no matter what.

Gorgemous Princess Ariel

Love the flippers!

Those curls took 45 minutes.

Isn't Princess Aurora pretty?

Halloween

2008-10-31T15:47:00.001-07:00

Well, it's Halloween. We were supposed to go to Neewollah, but I just don't feel good today. I made it through work and that's the extent of my being with people ability today. I told the girls I'd take them around the block, but I don't even have candy to pass out because I was planning on being gone. So we'll come back, turn off all the lights, watch Dora and eat popcorn until we take Eric his dinner. Then it's off to bed. Tomorrow's cleaning day. Yea. I'll post pictures once I feel like it.

Side note: We've been getting away from ghost and witches and stuff like that lately. So what does Ziggy come home from school with this week? A dress-up witch's hat, a bat, a picture with a skull on it (I think it's a sponge print) and ghost-y stuff. Oh well, it could be worse, she could stay home all day and have to deal with me.

Here's a pic of them all together. Our Little Princesses.

Thankful 2

2008-10-31T03:50:00.000-07:00

I'm a dork. On Thankful, I forgot to write about Eric. I am definitely thankful for him, I just spaced. So I'm very thankful for my husband. Not only is he a great dad, he loves me enough to put up with me for the last eight years! I don't write about him a lot mainly because he's not home. But I know that he's not home because he's trying to make the best life he can for all of us. It's hard to deal with sometimes (mostly because I'm exhausted and miss him but don't tell him the right way) but it's just a season, and it too shall pass. God shows us that real love is a choice and not a feeling, and it's a choice I made eight years ago. Now I just pray for the strength to go on till he gets to a point where he can slow down and rest.

Is That Supposed To Be White?

2008-10-28T19:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know who did the buying for these houses, but they had no clue what they were doing. I'm thinking it was a middle aged man who never had any kids or at least didn't raise them because he was never home. Who on earth makes textured white bath tubs and cabinets? If I had back all the time I've spent trying to scrub them clean (and usually not succeeding) I probably could have gotten my associates degree. I don't know what I would have gotten it in, but I would be half way finished with something! Whatever it is it's not getting the stains out of these tubs.

Thankful

2008-10-25T11:52:00.000-07:00

As I sit here at my computer that just decided to work again (I think someone from AT&T read my last blog, realized I hadn't had it fixed and started messing with it again), and think about the day to come, it's very easy to start focusing on the irritations. When I think about yesterdays it's even easier to think about those frustrations (mascara, a 20-month-old and a sister who opens doors for her do NOT mix!!!). But I realized my thinking is totally off.

At bible study one of the gals, Mayra who unfortunately is leaving for Okinawa soon, loved a quote recently. It was "Praise Him through the lice." It's about two Christ-following women in a concentration camp who are positively infested with lice, so bad that they were on their arm hair. One can't stand it anymore, and the other says to just hold on and praise God. So they start talking to the other women in their house and start spreading the Word. They start having mini bible studies. All because of the lice. The guards wouldn't come in because they didn't want to be infested. And while nothing in our life is that bad, minor irritations and your response can really bring you farther from God.

So I'm thankful. Thankful that Eric and I both have jobs. We don't really see the turn to the economy like other people do. Eric won't get fired. We see prices going up and quality going down, not that that hasn't been happening for a while. But we know that his job is secure. I started working this month. I'm very thankful for that. First, I get to watch Laelia, who is fantastic! I can tithe! This also gives us a chance to do some of the big stuff sooner. My mom-mobile needs new shoes. Us girls and our shoes. Eric's car needs brakes (I love him enough to want his car to stop, so I guess we'll replace those). We can start paying stuff off. A lot of people can't say that right now.

I have three gorgeous, healthy girls who still like me, though I won't take any bets when they realize they can't have phones or wear makeup. I irritate them and they irritate me. It's easy to just go through the motions without stopping and focusing on them, but God really blessed me with these three girls. I can't find the verse I want, but will look for it some more. Hah, found it. It was on the wall like 10 feet from me. Go figure. Psalm 127:3 Children are a gift from the Lord.

And I have a God who loves me no matter what I do. A God who forgives everything and still uses me. Don't get me wrong. God doesn't just love you and say "Okay, go about your life without Me, doing what you want. I love you and will make everything perfect for you, even when you don't love Me or acknowledge Me or believe in Me." To experience God's grace you have to tell him that you are not perfect. That you can't come to Him because of how dirty and putrid your best attempts at life are compared to Him. You need the payment that Jesus made (His death on the cross) for your sins. And that you need Him, you can't live life on your own. And then once you do that, you have to give your life to Him, complete and utter control of it. As someone that has struggled with that for over 20 years (that sounds funny, since I'm only 24), that is the hardest part of a relationship with God. Not being able to do it my way. Having to put some effort into it. Hence why most marriages fail. So I am thankful that God made a way to be a part of His family (Jesus' love sacrifice) and that He does forgive me, and that He helps me lean on Him every day. And when I don't He sends a gale, or sometimes a tempest to encourage me to lean.

Elementary Motherhood

2008-10-23T07:45:00.000-07:00

Following are answers given by elementary school-age children to the given questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the Scotch Tape is.
2. Think about it. It was the best way to get more people.
3. Mostly to clean the house.
4. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic, plus super powers, and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We are related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string. I think.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

How did your mom meet your dad?
1. Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

What makes a real woman?
1. It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad is such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. 3
. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power because that's who you have to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't have spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What's the difference between moms and grandmas?
1. About 30 years.
2. You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes moms don't even have bread on them.

Describe the world's greatest mom?
1. She would be able to make broccoli taste like ice cream.
2. The greatest mom in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts.
3. She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.

Is anything about your mom perfect?
1. Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.
2. Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
3. Just her children.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter -- then she would know my sister did it and not me.

From You Make Me Laugh at Crosswalk.com

It's All A Scam

2008-10-21T20:09:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was sick but still had to clean up for the AT&T lady. Out internet had been going out for hours, close to days, at a time and we had a red light on our modem. So she said we needed a $35 part and it would be $60 to install it. So I said we would wait (after talking to Eric) and if it still did it we'd call back. So we waited a week, since if you call back within 10 days it looks bad on the worker, and what happens? It stops doing it. I've only had it out once, for less than a two minutes. So I'm convinced that there's a button at AT&T that they try to use just to get money out of you. We also considered cancelling our land line and upping our cell minutes, but found out that with the dual service discount (phone and internet) we were only paying $7 for phone. That doesn't buy a whole lot of cell minutes, so I don't have to change all of our paperwork and take our house number off of everything. One good thing, at least.

What On Earth!

2008-10-21T15:37:00.000-07:00

The girls and I were talking about fingernails, so I looked for some online. The Yahoo! search was clean, but I was looking for the really grody disgusting nails that touch the floor. So I went to google. One of the first images that pops up is not what I really wanted to see. Then I tried a kid-oriented search. Unfortunately same kind of thing. Apparently the SafeSearch got turned off, though I don't know how; thankfully I found it. I can't believe parents just let their kids use the internet without monitoring them, even at ClaireBeth's age. Unfortunately Auntie Julie's "ERASE, ERASE, ERASE!!!" usually doesn't work, no matter how hard you try or how much you want it to.

I Just Had A BAD Weekend

2008-10-20T16:08:00.000-07:00

It was so bad that I cried three times. Twice on the phone to the people and once at church. Laelia was fussy Thursday from missing her morning nap. I learned to rearrange everything instead of doing that again. But that night her dad called and asked if anything happened during the day because she was inconsolable. So the girls and I prayed for her and asked for prayer for them at biblestudy. Mom was out of town, so Dad thought it was mostly that. Then he calls Friday morning and says that Laelia is still crying and hates to be moved because her hip or knee is hurting a lot. So to the doctor they go. Then to x-rays, with a possible trip to the orthopedic specialist if necessary. To me, that's huge, though this family knows them all by first name, kids and belt size. At this point I'm horrified and sick to the thought that I might have accidentally hurt her, or that they would think that I had done something, that they didn't want me to watch her and if I did do something, how expensive are x-rays and specialists? Dad called back Friday evening and said that nothing was broken or dislocated. Cue crying jag number one. I don't hear anything else all weekend. Sunday I go in to church and am leading the kindergartners. Before I get any kids I start crying again, just from being so worried. I called Mom earlier today but got no answer and no one called me back, so I got up the nerve to call again. Mom says everything's fine, Laelia just has crying pain spells sometimes and she's coming back tomorrow like planned. Cue crying jag three. Today they had already planned to keep Laelia home before any of this started. But I'll probably at least look into getting licensed so that I can get insured, and I could take on more kids (before and after school only) if I needed to.

Eric came home Sunday night and is home until tomorrow afternoon, which is nice for me, but he's been having to deal with me being a basket case. But mainly I'm most relieved that she's okay. Still in a bit of pain, but okay.

Fundraising Is Not Fun!

2008-10-13T16:30:00.000-07:00

Someone sent out invites to participate in her children's fundraising. That I have no problem with. I guess it's fundraising in general. So I told her that we don't do it. Which I lied about. I forgot we did do one where someone could do a donation instead of buying 2 ounces of chocolate for $8.00. This one you could also use at some normal stores online. I don't know how much of a percentage the school got from the online shopping part. But in general we try to avoid them. She brought up the very valid argument that the money helps in the art and P.E. and other departments and for field trips. And I'm sure part of it does. I just don't think we need to have the kids sell 12 square feet of wrapping paper. Don't get me wrong, ClaireBeth's school sent the packet home the second or third week of school. I looked through it in case there was anything great and fantastic, almost wanting to find something to buy. But alas, nothing new, fantastic or wonderful. And a donation for $10 is even better than buying something and less than half actually going to the schools. I'm also rather selfish. I know we won't be here in two years, so I'd rather help get something for ClaireBeth's classroom that the teacher can use in the years to come than do a fundraiser for something she'll never see.

Our school does do a jog-a-thon and a cake walk to also help with some of the art and P.E. and field trip stuff. We have sucker and flower sales around the appropriate holidays and other odds and ends here and there (have you ever tried to carry three things of cotton candy and push a double stroller?). I think those are good ideas and often will actually do some of the sales or supporting or physical part as well as financial. They get the parents more involved than taking a paper to work with stuff that people only buy to help out. But this makes more clutter in our houses. I still have lotions that don't smell good from when Eric was at Camp Pendleton. Most of the families we know all go to the same school and so we're all trying to get each other to buy stuff out of the same magazine or our families don't need the stuff. So if you'd like to donate to ClaireBeth's school or are just waiting on the edge of your seat for the next fundraiser to come along, let me know (don't worry, I'm kidding:)). Otherwise I just wish they'd stop wasting all the paper for the catalogues. And if you disagree, please, feel free to leave a comment as well.

Not Another One

2008-10-10T19:38:00.000-07:00

Vee is 20 months old today. I had her at 1829, so about an hour ago. I look at her and could NOT imagine having another baby today. I did start watching Laelia yesterday, though, so I did do myself in timing-wise. I've taken her to the library and store and have already gotten the "Are they both yours?" thing. It's even worse when Ziggy's with us. But no, no more babies, please. I was excited to make it to today with no more babies. We've taken measures to make sure it doesn't happen, but I've learned to not always trust doctors, military or civilian.

I about scared myself silly.

2008-10-09T15:14:00.001-07:00

I started watching Laelia today. It went really well. We took the big girls to school. We played. We went to the store. We ate. We slept. We picked the big girls up. Then her mama came and we did her stretches. She only fussed once when she was hungry. She's a mellow baby who's a lot of fun to be around. I was just at kind of a loss as to what to do with her. She doesn't move a lot. Her arms can move up and down somewhat and she can kind of grab things. But her elbows don't bend. It will take some getting used to. Her mama and I were talking about discipline. While we were talking I realized how much hope she still has that Laelia will be mobile. I wondered when I stopped thinking like that. After Laelia was born we were all told so that we could pray for her. But eventually requests get pushed to the end of the list or dropped or you're just praying them out of habit. Or at least I do. But tomorrow God could say "Okay my precious child. Get up and walk." I guess I figured if she did walk it would be a while before then and it wouldn't be through an instantaneous miraculous healing. It would be a miracle, but take a lot of work too. Oh me of little faith. God is far beyond our understanding. And it may be His plan for her to be like this. No matter what, He does have a plan.

So as to scaring myself. I am getting paid to watch Laelia. I actually feel a bit crummy about it, especially since I knew them before I started watching her. But last night I started thinking about stuff that goes along with regular pay. Like taxes (I know, very scary!). And what if we no longer qualify for preschool? WIC I can live without, though it does save us a good bit of money. I still don't know if we'll make too much. But preschool is entirely different! I have to have preschool!!! Really I could get along without it, I'd just rather not. So I called and we're okay, we still qualify. I still don't know what's up with taxes, but we'll figure that out. I prayed that God would tell me what to do about tithing (Eric refuses to even consider thinking about the thought of it) and I got Laelia (I hate calling it a job when really it's a sweet little girl). I just never thought about all the other stuff. I just wanted to show God how much I appreciate all that He's given us and acknowledge that He's the one taking care of us, but "Then give back to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's." (Matt 22:21) and "Thou shall not steal." (Exodus 20:15) and "These six things does the LORD hate: yes, seven are an abomination to him: . . . a lying tongue, . . . " (Prov 6:16&17) kept popping into my head, even though I wasn't planning on lying or stealing. Sometimes it's hard doing the right thing, especially if it hadn't occurred to you until it was too late. Unfortunately I was rambling about this to Laelia's mama, so now she probably thinks I'm an insane tax evader/preschool cheater!

Laelia Sky

2008-10-06T19:04:00.001-07:00

I get Laelia on Thursday! So what is Laelia? Technically it's a genus of orchid (see above). But the Laelia I'll have is a one-year-old (as of Oct 3rd-Happy Birthday!) from church. I get to watch her during the week for around 5 hrs a day. Now some of you might be shocked considering how I usually feel about kids (sometimes including my own). But God gave her one of the best dispositions I've ever seen in anyone. She is extremely sweet and smiley. But God made her different in other ways too.

Laelia was born without some major muscles in her arms and legs. I'm not sure about her hands and feet. She was also born with limb joints that don't have a normal range of motion due to a lot of tissue around them. So I'll help with her stretches. I know my explanation sounds uninformed, and it is. I really just started looking the conditions up very recently and I don't know how to put it so that people that aren't knowledgeable about the conditions can understand. I can throw out words like contractures and the alphabet soup that comes with any condition or disease or military branch, but if you're like me you'll have to look them up, and that still hasn't been the biggest help because they just use big words to explain the big words.

I have told Eric, but no one else except for a friend at church. He knew I went to an interview on Saturday, but never asked what it was about or how it went. I was a little hurt and thought about not telling him and just letting him come home to another girl in the house (as if four weren't enough!). But I was too excited not to tell someone. My friend didn't even know that I went for the interview since I didn't tell anyone that Laelia's parents and I were talking in case God had someone else to watch Laelia.

So I'm off. I haven't decided if I'm off to bed or off to clean. Maybe I'll flip a coin. Heads-go to bed. Tails-go to bed. If it lands on the edge standing up then I'll clean.

Happy Birthday Sarah!

2008-10-05T19:14:00.000-07:00

Nope, not a typo. It's another Sarah's birthday today, so Happy Birthday! And I just don't have a picture of her.

Is anyone out there?

2008-10-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

I'm going nuts. I'm waiting to hear about an opportunity, namely a meeting this weekend. If I'm given this opportunity I need to buy supplies. So I've been looking for supplies, but no one's written me back about that either. I would like to talk to someone else about something inconsequential, but it's still there. I don't know certain things and I need to prep for them. I'm going nuts waiting to hear about stuff or getting a chance to talk to people. Obviously I hate waiting. It's like I ceased to exist in anyone's email or phone list. Patience is not one of the fruits I've been patient with God working on. I think I'm starting to see a trend here. Okay, so what do you do when you're at the end of your abilities? Go to the one being who can do anything, even when He's trying to use me to do it. Even though I should have gone to Him first since you really can't get much done in life apart from Him. Existence is possible, but entirely different.

Happy Birthday Sarah!

2008-10-03T14:23:00.000-07:00

So it was my cousin's birthday a few days ago. I was looking for this excellent picture of her and JoJo from Mother's Day and can't find it. That's why this is posted late. Sorry Sarah! Or is it Sara:)'?

Happy Birthday Mia!

2008-10-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

So I sent her an email with Happy Birthday in Spanish (I prefer Russian but don't remember as much of it since I didn't study it as long and with Spanish you can at least read the letters), then in German since that's what Mia knows. Apparently she really liked it. To see how it actually sounded I went to YouTube. Did you know Kermit the Frog knows German. He does. I was surprised! I tried to see what other languages Kermit speaks, but you can find some very disturbing and scary images on YouTube so I decided it wasn't worth it.

Leave My Straw Alone!

2008-09-30T01:41:00.001-07:00

Does anyone have a straw biter? I have several, and one in particular. I also have a brand new water bottle with teeth marks after letting said straw annihilator share on the way home from bible study since there wasn't a water bottle in the car for her. I also hate chewed stuff, especially my previously smooth and unblemished straw that's attached to the bottle. This is why I don't like to share. There should be rules that Mama doesn't have to follow.

Miss Skinny Pants

2008-09-27T15:25:00.000-07:00

So you've got above average height children who are way below average weight and a husband who is very particular about pant length. What do you do? You realize how amazing and versatile grosgrain ribbon is.

What's Up?

2008-09-27T13:01:00.000-07:00

the front

how it should sit

the whole thing that
my wonderful neighbour
Kim modeled for me.

the back with pocket

Well, ClaireBeth went to her first non-family sleep over. Vee started counting down on me. Zoe's decided she wants to be a trumpet playing skater, Eric bought his birthday present seven weeks early and I can't find ANYTHING in this house.

ClaireBeth went to a birthday party for a friend from church. Riah turned six and has a really fun mom and two really fun older sisters. So we dropped her off (ran Ziggy back in to use the potty) and left our baby at someone else's house. It felt a little odd to me, but I survived. Then Eric missed the exit. He turned around and there was no on-ramp for 94 W, so we went to the next exit, same thing. Thankfully it was Market and we were able to take it all the way down, and thankfully we'd been to enough games at Petco that we knew how to get home from there. Except Eric got on the wrong freeway because no one from work will leave him alone. He's got two people under him who are learning a lot and can answer most questions. Just no one ever calls them. So we ended up by church! Eventually we got home, but it was hilarious to see Eric do this stuff because it's what I always do. I went to pick her up this morning and she's got blue and pink nail polish with jewels and glitter makeup everywhere! I meant to take a picture. For parties right now it's okay, but my poor mother-in-law thinks I'm nuts because I didn't want the girls to have make-up when we went to her house. We compromised. The girls got the lip gloss and the other stuff went to a niece. We also only do pale pink or clear nail polish (I have horrible memories of me with green and black and blue nail polish), so this was a real treat for ClaireBeth.
We take Eric dinner when he has duty. Every so often we're there to hear the music signaling that it's time to take down the flag. Ziggy heard it and wanted to know if it was a trumpet. Sure, trumpet bugle, same principle. So she decided that she wanted me to buy her a trumpet right then and there. She got mad that we didn't go to the store and buy her one. Add this to her wanting to be a skater girl (I even showed her girls skateboarding on YouTube, which she thought was really cool), she's going to be the most well-rounded or the most ostracized teenager who actually does activities ever.

Then there's Vee. We count backwards from three instead of forwards. It just seems more defined. So I told Vee "Three". To which she promptly responds "Two". So now she's trying to get me in trouble and she can only count backwards. Great. Well the backwards thing I can blame on the microwave at least.

On to Eric. Mr iPod. That was his birthday gift this year. I was going to get him a Wii sports pack with the ping-pong paddle and pool cue and all that and the Play game that uses all that stuff, but he decided this is what he wanted. Oh well, at least I don't have to wrap anything.

Then on to me. I finally finished a nursing cover. I have three more slings to make and I still haven't made the diaper bag or recovered my chair. But the nursing cover came out well. It's bigger than the two "commercial" ones I've seen, but they seem skimpy, so it's okay. I did it in Winnie the Pooh (not my pick) and it is rather cute. But before I got it done, I had to search for the ribbon. While I was looking for the ribbon I lost the boning (for the sophomoric type, that's the plastic piece that gives the neck it's shape). Then I almost went nuts trying to sew it. But it's finished. Whew! On to my next project.

I was wrong

2008-09-26T10:04:00.000-07:00

Now I feel awful again. Why can't colds just come in, work and leave, why do they have to linger and make you think you're getting better?

Thanks!

2008-09-26T07:31:00.000-07:00

I feel a good bit better. Thanks for the prayers from those who did. No thanks to the internet woman. For some reason, whenever I get sick I end up having to clean the house because something breaks. So yesterday it was for AT&T. But the downstairs is clean-minus the bathroom and laundry room, oh, and the coat closet. Ugh. Stupid shoes. Upstairs I still have laundry from at least a month ago that needs to be hung up and put away. My wonderful husband is one of those that will put it on the bed hoping I'll do something with it. When he goes to bed before I do (which is always) he puts it on the floor. I've cleaned around the pile at least three times, I just never cleaned up the pile. Then the bathrooms upstairs. What's with bathrooms. If I hired a maid, it would be to clean the bathrooms, scrub the kitchen floor and wash the walls (I can't stand dirty walls, which with three kids I have tons of). Oh well, at least soon all the girls will be able to help. Five years is soon, right?

Woe is me

2008-09-24T07:23:00.001-07:00

I hate colds. They're really not that bad compared to other things, but how often do you get bird flu or dengue fever compared to a cold? ClaireBeth is over hers, Ziggy doesn't seem to have it and Vee had a runny nose but is now fine. So why do I get it so bad? My head hurts, I feel fuzzy (light-headed and dizzy), I'm all stuffed up and dripping, my teeth itch and my muscles ache. Why do the girls never get it like this? Probably because they eat and drink a lot healthier than I do and don't weigh more than they should. Ugh, I'm either going to get a vanilla coke and go back to bed or I'm just going back to bed. Either way it includes getting up from the computer and I don't think I have the energy.

Vocabulary of Vee

2008-09-19T05:50:00.001-07:00

daydu-thank you
uma-come on
ooo-shoe
peed-please
tay?-are you okay (usually after she hurts you somehow)
tupit-stop it
eeeee-eat
wawa-water
cwacwa-cracker
papo-popcorn
apu-apple
mol-milk
boble-buckle (meaning carseat, stroller or shopping cart)
boo-book
nana-banana
boppy-potty
no-yes
wewee-movie
There are more, I just can't get her to say them right now.

ClaireBeth still says aminal and Ziggy's just hilarious with how grown up she is already.

Daily Verse-Replaced, Revised and Driving Me Nuts!

2008-09-19T05:50:00.000-07:00

'Kay, it's working now. Yea! And it gives a different verse every time. I've actually found a few I didn't know that are very useful today.

And now I'll have to change it again. The verse it gave out is "No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known.", which is John 1:18. Luke 19:10 is "for the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.” A good verse, but still. It helps to have the reference match the verse. So I may be out of luck.

Now it's white. The blue one was too big and you had to scroll over. Way too much of a pain so no one would have read it, which rather defeats the purpose of having it here in the first place.

Okay, can anyone see the daily verse? All I see is computer talk. I don't know if it's 'cause it's my page or what. I had a poll that I took off simply because it was all computer junk. My friend has the daily verse on hers and I can read it. So let me know in the comments if you can read it, whether or not you actually want to read it!

Miss Vee

2008-09-17T16:55:00.001-07:00

So here's Miss Vee with her baby sling. This is the first time she's put it on, but already she's a pro. Eric made ClaireBeth and Ziggy one each last year (he sews better than I do) and as you can see Vee's already making off with their stuff. I can't wait until I have three teenage girls that all wear the same size in one house.

The simple things

2008-09-17T16:55:00.000-07:00

So the house is destroyed, the girls are cranky and if I hear anymore crying I'm going to scream. But my cornbread came out very well. Eric's grandpa let me have the cast iron skillet since he had bought two for his daughter and she didn't want both. He picked them up at an auction. So I put it in my suitcase and it flew from Ohio to California. This is the first time I've used it. The bread was moist, the bottom nice and smooth and it came very easily out of the pan. I need to work on my recipe, but that's because my grandmother told me what she usually puts in hers and I've been playing around with it. She didn't even tell me a temperature or time! Thank goodness for the internet. For some reason my paper said shortening, so I put it in the batch for my friend to whom I took dinner. Apparently I need to cross that out. I made a batch without it and it came out a lot better. But I also didn't make hers in the cast iron because I didn't know how it would go. So sorry Sarah! I always look at that and try to remember if I'm supposed to put it in there. Now I know and hopefully I'll remember! I also always forget to use buttermilk instead of milk. I'll try to remember that.

But oh, the simple things in life. They're usually far better than the supposedly super-important or super-special. If indoor plumbing and air conditioning had been invented, I think it would have been nice to live a long time ago. To have what you do matter, a woman was allowed to be a woman without being told she should not nurse and she should work. Children were expected to do chores and people didn't look at you like you were the worst mother because your kids had work to do. Kids were politer because society hadn't embraced a "ME FIRST" attitude and passed it down the line. There was no road rage or traffic (we'll ignore the highway men-this is a list of good things back then). There was less junk in our lives so the house was easier to keep clean. There were also more people to help keep it that way because you could have more kids without worrying about over-population, college costs and cars being big enough. So here's to the old days. Maybe I'll try to convince Eric to move to the boonies and we can go back to pioneer times, with a few modifications, of course.

They're getting so big!

2008-09-12T17:46:00.000-07:00

It's getting colder in the mornings, pretty much the whole time Ziggy's in school, so it's time to pull out the pants and long-sleeved shirts. The kind of clothing where length and fit actually matter. So what do Vee's pants do? Go up at least an inch abover her shoe. Ziggy still has 2T long-sleeved shirts because it's been that long since we've needed them. If I weed those out she has like three shirts left. So I pulled out the buckets; in the process I cleaned up all the clothes I've just been throwing in the garage and Eric's been yelling at me about. So Ziggy's in 4T/4 and Vee's getting into 18 months. Some things are still a little big, but it's one more baby step to growing up. The firsts of life are so fun, but the lasts of life are so sad.

It finally happened!

2008-09-09T05:21:00.001-07:00

Ziggy woke herself up to go potty!!! Hopefully it'll happen again.

Chef ClaireBeth-update

2008-09-07T12:37:00.000-07:00

She's making macaroni and cheese for lunch for us today. I realized she was six and couldn't cook anything besides chicken nuggets. We'll see how it goes.

So it was pretty good. Actually it tasted better than usual, maybe because I didn't have to cook it. I was doing pot roasts and easy stuff like that when I was her age. I wonder what she's ready for next.

Yes ma'am

2008-09-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

For some reason people have a problem with ma'am and sir. I don't get this. It's like in this world where disrespect is now the norm, any appropriate titles are considered rude. With men, if they say "I'm not my father, don't call me sir.", sometimes I'll ask if they like ma'am better, since sir was acknowledging that they were male. I know, rather rude of me, but still. Once I had an older woman almost yelling at me because prostitutes used to be called madams and ma'am is a shortened word for madam. Personally I thought it was better than "Sorry, old lady."

Ma'am is simply a term to use if you are married. Miss if you're not. Ms. in front of a name for divorcees. Sir is good at all times. So I just look when people call their four-year-old daughters ma'am. But it's not something to get upset about. I usually try to not call them that if a person asks me not to, but get over it. You could be called a lot worse.

Big Girl Time

2008-09-06T18:53:00.000-07:00

My friend Amanda and I met at my old church. We were the only people our age with kids their age. For a while we were the only people our age and we had the only kids those ages. So we moved down here and she moved the next week to Florida for her husband to go to blow-em-up school. She moved back a while ago, and we get together every so often.

So today she came down and we went to Ikea. Good grief. It was rather crowded. We'd never eaten there so we got lunch. We took the kids to the play area, which we had never done before either, and it was full. So we took five kids around Ikea's showroom and marketplace. We came back and talked husband stuff and Marine stuff and girl stuff. The kids played fairly well together. The house isn't that big a mess. But mainly we had adult conversations and the kids pretty much occupied themselves. It was nice. I wish I had someone close to my age and the kids all clicked that lived close. Oh well, that would mean that I'd have to talk to people and be normal around them so they'd like me before I was myself. We all know that doesn't work!

Last Sunday's Disastrous Potluck

2008-09-05T21:03:00.000-07:00

Usually we have a potluck the Sunday after pick-up. It's a chance to see our husbands, meet their team and make sure that they have food. So this cycle, we hadn't heard anything. The guys finished one cycle on the 22nd and got more kids on the 29th, so the other KV and I though they were just behind schedule. Then she got a call from a wife asking what she was supposed to bring. Well, to keep a long story short and because this is a public site and we should try to be polite, there was a mix up of communication and decision making. I asked Eric and he asked if there was a potluck and he was told that there was. As far as I know, most of the wives probably didn't know about it. So I made 5 pounds of chicken. We left church even though I had a meeting, I fed the girls and Eric calls me a little upset asking where the potluck is. That's never a good sign. I get on base, go to one spot it might be and no one is there. I get ahold of Eric again finally. They cancelled it. One other wife came, and I have no clue where she was from (some of us live an hour to an hour and a half away) or what she brought. Eric was sweet and took the chicken. Apparently it wasn't all that great. I'd thrown it in the crock pot with a bottle of marinade because I didn't know what else to do since it's always right after church. But now I know that doesn't work! And we only have one or two more cycles left hopefully!

What a week

2008-09-05T20:18:00.000-07:00

So obviously ClaireBeth and Ziggy started school this week. ClaireBeth is a normal, low maintenance kid, especially when it comes to school. She loves it. Ziggy, on the other hand, is something else. She didn't want to go Tuesday, I wasn't surprised. Wednesday we get in the car and she tells me she can't go. I ask her why. She says "Because Miss Tami told me I couldn't come back." Thursday it's because Daddy told her she couldn't go anymore. Before school even started she was telling me that Miss Tami was mean. She hadn't even met the woman!

Vee and I have had a good week. Nothing too big, just nice and calm for a few hours.

I finally walked to pick Ziggy up. I plan on doing it most of the time, but it hadn't worked out yet this week. And I absolutely have to leave on time. 5 minutes makes a big difference when you're walking 1.5 miles to pick someone up at an appointed time. It felt good, though. I just wish I was one of those women that look cute when they exercise. I look like Bob the Tomato after a bath; red, puffy and wet.

Eric came home last night for the first time since pick up. Of course the house was a mess. It was clean earlier today, but I watched kids, so there went that. He also gets to come home tomorrow night.

My friend's husband (he's my friend too, but that's just usually how I type it) leaves for a year tomorrow morning. It's their first real deployment with kids. Oh well, such is military life.

That's it so far. My friend Amanda is coming down tomorrow. We haven't decided what we're doing yet. I'm sure we'll have fun though. 2 women and 5 kids. What doesn't sound fun about that?

Mi Abuela

2008-09-05T06:37:00.000-07:00

In other words, my Grandmother. Okay, don't worry, Spanish lesson's over. My girls call her that because my mom took over Grandmother and I used to call my Grandmother that when I was younger and we were learning Spanish.

My Grandmother is pretty cool. She's in her 3rd quarter century of life and still going. She does the normal granny stuff, like knit and crochet, though she doesn't sew anymore. But she's also still learning and expanding herself. This semester at adult education she's taking a course in Excel. A few years ago she took all the digital camera classes she could find. She loves drawing and painting. She's tried learning the piano and guitar, but she's, what would you call it? Oh! Going at her own pace. Not only this, but she is a very strong follower of God and still attends bible studies and fellowships. Today she's going to Vegas for a Beth Moore/Kay Arthur/ Phyllis Shirrer(?) event. Very exciting!

So what brings this up do you ask? She cut me off from anymore requested completed craft items. Meaning she won't make me anymore afghans or the like if I ask for it. She told me I was old enough to learn how to do it on my own. So she's more than three times my age, she's also been doing this for about 60 years. But nope, I've been abandoned. So she, Vee and I went to the store yesterday to pick out yarn and needles. While we were there I picked up other stuff, so we talked about that. We talked about kid's pajamas. She's great.

When we moved back down here, I was helping her in her yard once a week. But ClaireBeth, my main babysitter, went to school. Vee was growing out of and getting irritated with her travel swing. After almost losing Ziggy to a bunch of cars because she escaped, the whole yard work thing wasn't working. Then Grandmother got sick, so we completely stopped. So it's a year later. Grandmother's better, her yard is now primarily fake grass and I have two kids in school. I also need to learn to knit. So to Grandmother's house we go.

Vee's doctor appointment

2008-09-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

Vee went in for her 18 month appointment, and she turns 19 months in a week. We're almost a month behind and it drives me nuts! But they decided to put in a 2 year check up instead of waiting to 2 1/2, so I can catch up then.

She weighed 21 lbs, 6 ounces (10th %) and was 31 inches (a little under 50%). While we were in the waiting room she was fine. But when we started walking through the hallways to get to the room she started freaking out. When we actually got to the room she was full out crying. She especially didn't like being on the table, no matter what position she was in. She didn't even want Dr. Shiau to touch her. So she's starting to remember occasional events from months ago, not just days. Some places she knows very well because we're there all the time, like church and the library. I just wasn't expecting the doctor issues this early. Then she was so mad she cried the whole way home, which took twice as long because they closed the 8 ramps at that exit and I had to find a place to turn around and go back to the next one. Because it makes perfect sense to shut down exits in both directions in the middle of the day right next to a huge university. Good job CalTrans!

DI family

2008-09-02T19:12:00.001-07:00

SSGT Eric

(rank shown is SGT from before he was promoted)

Okay, for the most part I don't complain about Eric being in the military. It's a job and a lifestyle. I don't really like special attention for it. I don't mind the discounts most of the time:), but the attention drives me nuts. Janitor's families aren't applauded. Garbage men's families aren't thanked.

But tonight I'm going nuts. Part of it is the person or people in charge this cycle (one whole set of recruits that lasts 12 weeks). The grouping of DIs weren't evenly dispersed, so some teams have only 1 or 2 people that know what they're doing, like Eric's. A man may be a great DI, but he still needs experience. Eric came home to drop off laundry and get civilian clothes so he could go get his team something to eat. Then he left. He was home less than 20 minutes. The beginning of the cycle is usually like this, but that's how it will be the whole cycle. The girls are in bed and I'm looking at another lonely night of doing all the clean-up by myself, watching a movie by myself and falling asleep with the light on because there's no one to ask me to put the book down or at least put out the light. Deployments I can handle, I guess because he's not 1/4 of a mile away. I also know he'd be healthier, more rested and better fed if he were overseas. Right now he's sick, exhausted and since he hasn't had me bring food he's had pizza and cheeseburgers. Yea. And two years of this is getting to be a bit much.

The girls are okay, but only because they're used to it. The longest he's been home since we've been married is 14 months, and ClaireBeth was barely three and Ziggy had just been born when he left after that. I honestly don't know what I'd do if he were home that long again. Vee has never known anything else.

So we wait for this to all be over, only knowing that something else will pop up. I'll appreciate the chance to watch movies I like and not having to watch the ones I don't. I'll try new recipes. And I'll talk to and read with God. Even if Eric isn't here to talk to, He always is.

Whew!!

2008-09-02T16:09:00.000-07:00

Let's go!

I had more pictures but forgot to turn them rightside up, so I might post them later, if I get around to it.

So the first day of school is over, or at least the school part. Ziggy was rather reluctant to go, but I pretty much made her. ClaireBeth had no problems of course, and the only thing I didn't like was that I couldn't wait with her and go to her classroom. They all line up on numbers outside and the teacher comes and gets them when the bell rings. But for some reason ClaireBeth and Ziggy's classes start at exactly the same time. So off I went to drop Ziggy off.

Ziggy had a good day with Miss Tami and consented to return tomorrow. She's ready for teenager-hood I think, or at least tweenager-hood. When I asked her what she did she couldn't remember. Same with ClaireBeth. Apparently you leave your brain in the classroom. I know my mom had the same problems with me though. She actually had the teacher talk to me.

What did Vee and I do? We went to the library then shopping. We came home and she played and I started a book. She ate, then we went and got Ziggy. I drove today. Ziggy came home and ate because the food delivery got messed up so they didn't eat at school today. Then they took a nap and I read more of my book. We went and got ClaireBeth and came home and made milkshakes. Eric, who hasn't been home since Friday morning and we haven't seen since Sunday's disastrous non-potluck, called and talked to the girls. Then I finished my book and the girls are downstairs watching Dora on the travel DVD player, we don't have a TV downstairs, or emptying the dishwasher. We'll eat dinner, go for a bike ride then go to bed. I'll clean up and maybe, big maybe, fold the four loads of laundry on my bed. I've slept on a foot wide section of bed the last few night because I hate folding laundry. You'd think I would have gotten over it by now. Then tomorrow we start all over again.

Happy Birthday Mom!

2008-09-01T09:59:00.000-07:00

She doesn't actually read my blog, but the thought is there. She's 49 today and almost exactly 24 1/2 years older than me, my half birthday being August 28 and her birthday being September 1st. I didn't realize that until the other day. Which makes her almost exactly twice my age. Pretty cool. So thanks mom for reminding me that I have less than 6 months left as a 24-year-old. It's one thing to be in your mid-twenties (24-26), it's another thing to be halfway through your twenties. UGH. I'm getting down just thinking about it. They're coming over in a little bit to celebrate. I made key lime bites (meaning I couldn't find my other pie pan and Eric has my favorite one) and I'll make cookies when they get here. Her husband Roger bought her a keyboard and we're chipping in for car repair. Fun! I'll let you know if I kill anyone or anything fun like that.

Pics-finally!

2008-08-31T18:59:00.000-07:00

The graduate! One of many ceremonies to come.

Hamming it up as only ClaireBeth can do.

ClaireBeth and one of the best teachers ever, Marcia Toyama

ClaireBeth turns six!

At Gee's house with her build-a-leopard from Uncle John and Aunt Julie

Three Gorgeous Girls!

WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-31T18:52:00.000-07:00

So Vee's in bed early tonight. I know it won't teach her anything, but it keeps her from being beat or marinated for tomorrow's dinner (almost entirely kidding, she wouldn't fit in the crock pot). She is definitely no longer a baby, no matter how hard I try to ignore the fact. Right now she is having a full blown temper tantrum that no baby would be able to pull off. The fact that I can understand some of the words she's yelling doesn't help. I'm also pretty glad I can't understand some of the others.

So listening to her is making me miss my babies. While I'm not planning on having anymore, I do wish my little ones could go back. I got to hold 2 1/2-week-old Miss JaneAnne (actually she was tossed to me so Mama Sarah could check the sling and keep the yellow off of her white shirt) and change her diaper, which included all of her clothes after a wipee bath. Mama Sarah's not a big fan of diapers, and I don't mind them so I didn't mind giving her a break. But JaneAnne was so sweet and little and calm, at least until she got hungry. Even my littlest hits and screams and thinks she has to have her own way. I guess this is just the way it goes and it's hitting me so hard because I kind of missed it with Ziggy and Vee's the last one. And anything that comes after this is just going to be more of a challenge!

Jess the critic

2008-08-31T16:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I broke down and went to Blockbuster. I'm trying this month to not spend anything more than necessary. We're still working on it. I don't rent movies that often, but we do borrow them from the library, except lately there's nothing new that I would like to watch or is in watchable condition. So off we went to Blockbuster. I got Penelope and Nim's Island and the girls got My Little Pony (like from when I was little) and Dora.

Penelope is adorable. A large part of the problem with watching movies is being a Christian. If I didn't follow God, I could watch whatever I wanted. Not so much if you are a Christian. So for Penelope, there is magic. She's under a curse. Concerning sex there are no scenes or allusions to it concerning the main characters. I don't know if they got married at the end but they are obviously a couple in a non-PDA sort of way. Two side characters we are told do have pre-marital or extra-marital affairs. One is somewhat necessary to the plot and the other is unnecessary. There are two innuendos, one very blatant and you just wonder where it came from. The other isn't as obvious and while you know what it means, you just wonder why. Penelope is trying to guess what instrument Max plays while her parents watch. Her mother asks what they're doing and the father replies "She's trying to find his instrument." to which her mother asks isn't the man supposed to do that. The is a good bit of beer drinking but no drunen acts of stupidity. There is also a glossed over suicide/feticide that prompts the curse. Of course, it being a secular movie, the Lord's name is used inappropriately a few times and there are a small handful of damns and hells, probably like 4 or 5. There is a scary drawing. But over all it is a really cute adult movie (though I did let the girls watch it knowing that right now it will go over their heads and that they had missed a good bit of it, though if I buy it I won't generally let them; mainly I was watching it and didn't want to turn it off). Unfortunately this is what movies include and this is a pretty clean movie. There just aren't that many really good, cute Christian films. I'm a little tired of 1800 West stories. It can be a little off pace at times, a little jumpy. But I probably will buy it. That plus, I hate to admit it, James McAvoy is pretty cool and I've liked the roles he's done that I've seen. And Christina Ricci is a nostalgia piece to me. I remember watching Addams Family when I was little (I have no clue what my parents where thinking).

As to Nim's Island, it was okay. It is a child's movie, but that's usually what I end up watching since they're usually cleaner than adult movies. Nim is a bit disrespectful to her father, but it's more like she's used to being equal with him. I have kind of been there and so can understand. It's not acceptable, but it is better than her being openly rude and defiant. At one point Jack says thank you to Mother Nature. There are misuses of the Lord's name and again a few cuss words. I just think it's odd that two movies with the same rating (they're both PG) can have such a varied content. Penelope I would have put as PG13 with the infidelity/pregnancy implications, but I also don't want my 13-year-old to think that situations like that are acceptable, even if they are now normal.

My Little Pony wasn't that good, and Dora was Dora. I f you see the movies or have seen them let me know what you think.

ClaireBeth

2008-08-30T10:32:00.000-07:00

Somedays she totally amazes me.
Today it was a lego tennis court!
The creator and her art!

Aerial view. The bleachers are on the right, the
parking lot is on the left with two red cars. The
players are blue and the scoreboard is by the bleachers.

Side view. The green things over the players
are telling them who's winning (I have no clue).

Of course, why wouldn't it?

Roland Quest!

“On the First Day of Christmas, My True Love Gave to Me…”

What Have I Done?

So what does it cost to feed a family of six?

Gifts of Three for Christmas

I'M MARRIED!!!

I'm Getting Married!!!

Godsmack Part II

Talk about a Godsmack

O-HI-O!!!

ZoeBel's 5!!!!!

Adventures In Mia-Land...

So It's My Birthday

Where Have I Been?

A Day In The Life Of A Single Mama.

What a great weekend!

Philip

So what's going on...

Hmm...

Most Difficult People To Deal With

Sometimes It's Not Fun Being A Big Person

A Sweet Saturday

Adventures In Dentistry: Trying To Do Your Own Kids' Cleanings.

What To Blog, What To Blog...

ClaireBeth Turns Seven!

Hey!!!

Hello from Vista!

Hiya!

Hello Again

Where has the time gone?

Just Checking In

Stupid Widgets

So A Quick Recap

Some Days

Once Again I Need Help

So I'm Late-Big Surprise

Home Is Where The Heart Is

Feliz Navidid

What God's Doing!

Hey!

It's Time For VeggieTales!

My Breakfast

Vee Free

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

*A Primer For Accordion Beginners*

Mad

We Stayed Home.

So What Now?

Is It Winter Already?

Where I'm At

Let's Get Cooking

So What's New

Praise The Lord, O My Soul

Nehemiah!

Looking For Love, by Greg Laurie

Ziggy Is In The Building.

I Will Praise You In This Storm

The Girls

Halloween

Thankful 2

Is That Supposed To Be White?

Thankful

*Elementary Motherhood*

It's All A Scam

What On Earth!

I Just Had A BAD Weekend

Fundraising Is Not Fun!

Not Another One

I about scared myself silly.

Laelia Sky

Happy Birthday Sarah!

Is anyone out there?

Happy Birthday Sarah!

Happy Birthday Mia!

Leave My Straw Alone!

Miss Skinny Pants

What's Up?

I was wrong

Thanks!

A Primer For Accordion Beginners

Elementary Motherhood