Adventures In Mia-Land...

is here!

So my best girlfriend got to come to town. I got to steal her since her dad was out of town for the first few days. As much as I knew I loved her I now have an even deeper love and appreciation for her. Plus her fiance and my other best friend said I couldn't stand on his side at their wedding so he's no longer my favorite. :)

So I picked Mia up at the airport and we went straight to Mexican food and Mission Beach. The hole-in-the-wall on the corner has awesome carne asada! I think we were there for like two hours. Splashed in the waves, dug big holes (eventually helped by a boy named Colby-what's up with naming kids after cheese?), played with sand toys, white girl got the snot burned out of her. You know, normal stuff. But later that night Mia looked like I'd dyed her red and THEN boiled her her like a lobster. Poor thing. So after Mia's broiling we dropped the girls off at my parents' and headed to Kristy's MVP in Pt. Loma. I'd lived by this place for years and managed to never go in. I should have kept it that way. Our really good friend Justin and his and Mia's friend Steven go karaoke-ing on Thursdays. So Mia said she wanted to go. Except she didn't know it was on Thursdays when she decided. And I was her ride for the day. So guess who ends up going. When you haven't even made it into the bar yet and you've got guys saying hi to you that are standing outside the side entrance like they live there it's probably a good idea to go home. But still. Justin sang Hungry Like The Wolf and the fun just went from there. I don't drink much, especially when I'm out and I was driving since it was Mia's vacation so that didn't hold much appeal. And it was kind of sad seeing people that looked like they visited the place a lot. But I loved seeing Justin, seeing Mia having fun and there were a lot of laughs. Unfortunately there was also some bleeding from the ears as the night wore on, the glasses piled up on the tables and the songs were more morose. Oh well.

Friday was just as fantastic. Justin was working in Vista so he came over for lunch-pizza pockets!!!, which are mostly homemade calzones. Mia, the girls and I went to the commissary (after the dreaded menu planning) and then hit the mall. I got hair dye for the girls which I thankfully didn't do that weekend because I don't think Eric and Bree would have appreciated the girls having purple hair for their wedding. Then the awesome Mia watched the girlies while I went out to dinner with my small group. When I came home she'd given the girls a bath, made them dinner and they had made me hamburger cookies. She was reading them a story and they hadn't watched any TV. I'd been gone for at least two hours, maybe three. She did an fabulous job with them and they love her to death.

Saturday was a sad day. I had to take her back to her dad's. He'd brought her out here so it was only fair he actually got to see her. I suppose. But first was a trip to the salon. The Haircut Store in Clairemont is fantastic. Mia has curly hair and had Brittany who did a great job. The girls go to Abby (I'm taking two of them tomorrow) and I see Maggie and Marcella. So after that and McDonald's it was time to part ways. *sigh* Charlie and Mia (especially Mia) would love us to move with them and share a house. I'd love to, too. Which is why our adventures in Mia-Land were so hard, 'cause we're separated by a whole country. But, thank goodness for Skype and Facebook. They (Mia and Charlie-not FaceBook and Skype) are a source of support and love and acceptance. Not that we don't have it from our families, but it's even more special when it's freely given by someone who's not stuck with you genetically. So I'll post photos soon so you can enjoy the day with us.

So It's My Birthday

I turned 26 today. I don't like it. I'm officially no longer in my early 20s, no matter how I twist the numbers. I am actually frighteningly close to my late 20s which is just a hop away from 30, which is a skip away from my early thirties and is barely a jump to my mid 30s and then on to 40. 25 didn't bother me. 24 did a little bit just because it is two dozen (what can I say, I bake a lot, or at least I used to).

So I'm not going to go over the last year. Unfortunately this blog is somewhat censored. I don't write about everything that comes up or how I feel because a lot of it still has to do with Eric. Some of it is not for me to tell people about. Part of it is me still trying to protect him and not talk about him in a way that would be disrespectful or would effect other peoples' feelings about him, though I know a lot of people that read this don't actually know him (as if anyone really reads this-ha!). I hate the fact that I hurt him so much and really regret that I probably pushed him farther from GOD. I would give anything to undo what I've done.

So this year...I have no clue what's going to come.

Philip and I decided together that parting ways wasn't a bad idea. We'd talked about this for a few weeks and I wanted to start the year anew. I have some regrets, though nothing that Philip caused. All were decisions I made. The best I can do after making those choices is to learn from them and go forward. I do regret introducing him to the girls. Not that he wasn't wonderful with them, but they don't need people coming in and out of their lives, especially because of me. We had talked for several months before we introduced him to them. Living so far apart made it difficult to see each other without them around, and that's a long time to be away from the girls. All in all it was a learning experience and hopefully we'll stay friends. I don't know, it doesn't really happen but we can see.

What birthday is complete without a party? The girls and I started celebrating last night with schnitzel and cinnamon rolls. They did my hair (I'm hoping there was no film in their camera) and we played games followed by a round of DuckTales. This morning we went to Denny's and I got a free grand slam. How cool was that? We went to Wal-Mart to pick up ZoeBel's birthday present-don't ask, her birthday is in June but I got it and I hate waiting-then we went to David's Bridal to try to pick up a dress for my two best friends' wedding. Yup, they're marrying each other. So I could either wear a dress or a tux! I ended up standing on the bride's side so I get the dress. Which David's Bridal apparently does not carry in my size. Next was a party with my parents and aunt and uncle. Ham and blondies with a side of york peppermint patties. Yum! It's kind of hard because a lot of my best friends moved away this last year. Doesn't mean I'm less loved, just means I didn't get to party as much this year.

So I'd better get my old self to bed. I ended up taking last week off because the girls were sick. I loved being home with them again but the weekly routine starts back up in 10 or 11 hours. So to all a good night. Wait...that's Christmas. Oh well.

Where Have I Been?

Honestly, I have no clue. I love blogging. I miss blogging. I love reading all of my friends' blogs, even though I don't do it all that often. Every other week or so I'll sit down and go through my dashboard and favorites. But I digress. . . I guess part of it is that there's not a lot going on. No big activities. No major revelations. Nothing worthy of bothering anyone about. Work days we get up, go to school and work, come home, eat, shower and go to bed. Weekends we are either catching up or running around or avoiding everything. So let's see if we can find anything newsworthy.

Well, VeeZee turned three yesterday! It doesn't feel like it's that big of a deal though. I never see them anymore! She and ZoeBel spent the day with Eric. They went to SeaWorld and had fun. I picked them up around 1930 and we came home and went to bed.

ZoeBel is starting to read and has the kookiest fashion sense. Skirts and leggings all the way. Except she'll wear regular pants if leggings aren't available. And you can guarantee nothing will actually match. I try to offer some guidance, but sometimes it's better to let her be her own little person.

ClaireBeth is doing well at school. She's starting to adopt a more mature attitude, which can be difficult. And she's having to be reminded that she's one of the girlies, not a big person like Mama.

All of them are sweet and loving and darling. But they're real people, not robots, so some days I want to shut myself in my room and go to bed. Doesn't happen often but a girl can dream.

The older two start going to talk to someone in a few weeks. A therapist. ZoeBel is the one I'm most concerned about, but ClaireBeth probably needs help, too. I'm not sure what I expect from this or if I'll be told that they're normal and they don't need it or even what can be done with children this age but we'll see what happens. I've had to put aside my feelings of failure and some other feelings brought about by things I can't change no matter how hard I try. What's important is helping the girls.

I'm still working at the same place. I'll be there a year in about two weeks. I went to a small group last week. It was nice, though not like my last one. I'm worried I'll keep holding everything up to that standard and be disappointed every time. It's hard to just give in and be where I'm put, even if God does know better than I do. Doesn't mean I wanna.

So like I said. Nothing major. Nothing exciting. I do need to start planning a birthday party that's on Saturday. Go Jess, way to procrastinate. And tomorrow's packed. Lovely. And it's time to go pick up ClaireBeth from school. Have a great day!

A Day In The Life Of A Single Mama.

Or at least this mama. Today we woke up around 0600. Or at least I did. I think I got them up around 0615. We had one disagreement over clothes (since we got home late last night and didn't lay them out-which doesn't always help since usually SOMEONE (about 3 1/2 feet tall, blonde hair and blue eyes) who shall remain unnamed usually changes their mind. We ate breakfast and then left for school and work. We were late (which really means we were on time)but that doesn't usually happen. Tuesdays and Thursdays the wonderful people at preschool take ClaireBeth to school since I have to be at work by 0745. So I get to work where I have a very irritated, grumpy day. Because we left late last night the office was a mess this morning and none of my paperwork was done, which always makes things worse. Dr cleaned two of the rooms, but she never does it the way I do. Around 1000 VeeZee's teacher calls me to tell me that VeeZee was hit in the face with a hula hoop (we're guessing she walked into it). So now she looks like Rocky after a fight. Lovely. I make it through most of my day without getting fired-though I did have to leave the room a few times to accomplish it-and leave to get the girls. Their teacher at preschool has a final tonight and I try to get there so she's not late to class, which doesn't always happen. Poor Meemaw! When I get there they tell me that ZoeBel threw up. Not the end of the world. Until VeeZee throws up, too! Usually I take the girls back to work with me while I finish up with the last patient and do all my paperwork and clean everything up. Since VeeZee and I are covered in throw up I have to call and have one of the helpers tell her that I'm not coming back. Fun. So we came home, bugged Mr. Philip and took a bath. ClaireBeth and I snuck some food while the little girls were busy, since they're STILL throwing up. At least they're both old enough to get to the toilet (or at least the bathroom) to throw up. They're currently watching Dora and I'm wondering if I'm going to go to work all day tomorrow. Not that I have much of a choice. *sigh* Dora's over, so time to cuddle. Definitely one of the best perks of having three little princesses!

What a great weekend!

I haven't had such a great weekend in a while, though I have definitely had some good ones. It started with getting out of work on time Thursday. That very rarely happens, especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have to go pick the girls up at 1730 every day. Tuesdays and Thursdays office hours end at 1700 but we still usually have patients when I leave to get the girls and so have to come back. Mondays and Wednesdays we're open until 1800. I come back on Mondays and work usually until almost 1900 (and sometimes later), though Wednesdays the girls and I have class or choir so we go straight to church from preschool. Anyway, back to this weekend!

We got out on time Thursday and went to Sam's club for pizza. One of our favorite stores combined with one of our favorite foods. How can you go wrong? Friday I took ClaireBeth to class and then went and did some paperwork that I still needed to do for her school. The little girls and I came home and cleaned up and then we took ClaireBeth to the doctor in San Diego for a rash (fun-don't worry, she's not contagious). After that we went to my parents' and spent the night. We made cookies and had a lot of fun! I even got to talk to my sister! (Roger's daughter who's about my age.)

Saturday I left the girls with my parents because they've missed the girls so much. I went to a much needed hair appointment with the awesome, fantastic, wonderful Marcella. It had been three months and you could definitely tell. Ugh. I still can't do it like she does, but I'm trying. Kind of. The I went to a cookie exchange and saw quite a few friends from The Fellowship. Ladies, I miss you! Then I came home and waited for Philip to come down. Even though I woke him up at 0630 and he left around 0700 he didn't get here until after 1400! Stupid LA traffic. When he got here we went looking for car parts (it seems to be a favorite past time of his), out to dinner at a nice Chinese place, shopping were we got a Christmas tree and then to church for the Christmas musical. It was a very fun, very busy day! Though I guess I should confess that I locked us out of the house. Twice! We take his car when he's here, so I didn't really need my keys. Until we got home and he realized that I didn't have them and so we couldn't get in. Thankfully the manager was home. Then we left to go shopping and took the little set with us (with the mail, laundry room and extra apartment (I thought) keys) so we could make an extra one for Philip's key chain. We forgot to make the extra but figured we were fine. Until I tried to unlock the door and realized that it was the key for the storage, not the apartment. And guess what, the manager was gone for the night! At this point I realized that I also forgot to give my parents the girls' car seats. Sometimes I am amazed at how blonde I am! I had called the manager and she called me back, thankfully, saying that someone could get in and give us the keys. Otherwise we were going to have to drive to San Diego to get keys and still drive down to pick the girls up the next day since I couldn't get into the van for the car seats. So, disaster averted. Whew!

Sunday we drove down to pick up the girls and picked out ornaments for the tree. This year its red and silver. I've never had red before because Eric really didn't like it. At home we ate lasagna and watched the Little Einstein's Christmas DVD that Philip bought for the girls. We decorated the tree (during which Philip did like five years' worth of updates on the computer) and hung the lights outside. Then we ate lots of cookies from the cookie swap! And in the process of rescuing the new movie that ZoeBel got stuck in a funny place we found Barbie in The 12 Dancing Princesses that we've been missing for over a year! So Philip has since started the five hour drive home and we are watching Barbie in the glow of our Christmas lights while I blog about a great few days. They weren't without frustration, but we definitely had something to laugh about.

Philip

So, to continue a chapter that has had a few surprise turns. Apparently a girlfriend with three girls can be a bit to take on all at once, even though you've just spent the last nine months talking to her everyday and think that she and the girls are fantastic. So Philip decided that we weren't dating. This was especially hard because he wanted to be a part of the girls' lives that early and that's why I introduced them to him. For someone who's been single for so long like he has I can understand. I let it be for a few days and then curiosity got the best of me and I called him and asked if we could actually talk about it (and to ask him to ship my makeup, favorite razor and tweezers and the load of laundry that were left up there). So we did and we've decided to talk and see each other but to remove the girls from the situation for right now. He loves the girls to death but I chose this to protect them. I wouldn't have brought him in so quickly if he hadn't wanted to be. And to be fair to the girls his problem is just more with the whole picture than with them. But it seems safest for them so they don't get more attached than they already are.

So just an update on that. It seemed quite dire at the beginning of the week but has levelled out some. Thank goodness for maturity and reason! The ability to sit down and talk to someone about the problem is amazing. And definitely not what I'm used to.

So what's going on...

I started this almost two weeks ago and am just going from there, so it might seem messed up, but you'll have to deal :)

Hmm, where to start? Well, it's a quarter till 9 and I hear a two-and-a-half-year-old and a seven-year-old playing tea set. Did I mention it was 9 PM? I think back about my day and marvel at the good and the not so good. I went to ClaireBeth's parent/teacher conference. She's doing very well. Great grades, great conduct. The usual. But I wonder how she's really doing. I hear a lot that she's well adjusted. Sometimes I wonder if she's already learning to fake it like I do all the time. Like many of us do.


Thinking about how well ClaireBeth is doing makes me think about ZoeBel. Already I can see that this blog is going to seem random and ill-organized. I think I'm okay with that today. ZoeBel is sick. A fever and a cough, mostly. Though she did throw up tonight, but I think that was my fault. I was brushing her teeth and might have gagged her. But ZoeBel's different. She is so sweet and open and begging to be loved. It's hard to fill her up constantly. Especially with working all the time. I have a hard enough time going to GOD for love and contentment, which just makes telling the girls to go to HIM even harder. ZoeBel is smart, but she has this streak that can turn mean and hard and bitter if not tempered. I just have no clue how to help her at this point. It makes me very scared for her future.


VeeZee is just VeeZee. Sometimes I think there's a stranger in the house. I've lived with her for three years and I feel like I barely even know her. Part of it is how much she's growing and changing at this stage. She does something new and unexpected at least a couple of times a week. And unfortunately I usually miss it.I don't see how people can stand choosing to have children and then putting them into daycare. Don't get me wrong and please don't take it personally. I know that sometimes circumstances change and you might have to work or sometimes a child is a surprise (been there and done that with both situations!). But I'm missing my children grow up and it makes me so sad. I feel like I'm cheating VeeZee out of her toddlerhood and me out of mamahood.


Umm, on to me, I guess. Well, I've been divorced for two weeks come tomorrow (yea me?). That first day I felt sick and disgusted like I'd physically been torn in two. I guess hence the verses about us becoming as one flesh. The next day I kind of went back to normal. It helps, I guess, that we were divorced on the 27th, which was four days short of a year since he left. Also, my friend Philip came down. But more about him later. That day, though, I picked the girls up from school early and went home and slept. Philip and the girls and I went out to dinner that night and I went back to work the next day and the world went on. It's actually pretty sad. Who's Philip? Philip is a great guy that I became friends with in February. We went to the same church for a year or so but never actually met. Gotta love facebook! So we started talking and became friends. Then we started talking about dating if/when the divorce finalized. Which it did. I'm still not sure if we're dating or not but we're having fun, considering we live 5 hours apart.

Work is still work. I'm up in front a lot more, where I feel completely inadequate to be. Not that there's too much choice. We had an intern for a while but she didn't work out and so now I'm doing front and back again. I like the office and I like the work I just hate being away from the girls.

I found a great church home for us. Or rather, GOD brought us to a great church home. I'm taking a bible class and the big girls are doing choir. ClaireBeth has a solo, which I think is hilarious since she sings about as well as I do, which is not that well. But they love it and I love that they love worship and praise music. I just wish they made music that I liked a little more. Dang Christians, being so moderate!

So I'm done avoiding cleaning for right now. Have a great day!

Hmm...

So I want to blog. I miss blogging. I keep thinking of things to blog about, or at least trying to. I've lost that up-beat, slightly sarcastic, poking-fun at myself but still entertaining tone that I used to have. It's been gone for about 11 months. Wow, it's actually gone by fast.

There's not a whole lot going on. Eric is still insistent on the divorce. It should be finalized in the next month or so. I kept hoping he'd change his mind but I really doubt that's going to happen. I quit praying for it just because I doubted it so much. Oh me of little faith. I know GOD has the ability to do anything and can soften the hardest heart. And HE still can. So I'll start praying. That our marriage is restored? I don't know. After it's final I won't remarry Eric unless he were to make GOD the center of his life (if the subject ever came up which I doubt it will :P). But that at least Eric realize there is someone who loves him way more than anyone on this earth can.

Work is there. I went to San Francisco with Dr. for the California Dental Association. We had a lot of fun, I learned a good bit and we went to see King Tut! Very cool! We're trying to get some people to help me, but now we have so many people that it's an even bigger mess. We have two high school volunteers who are just trying to pad their resume. They're seniors, though, so I'm not sure how much good it will do them. One is doing special stuff in the front. Another is an intern from a dental assistant who wants back. So I'm switching somewhat to front when she's there. If she stays. She's a single mom with two kids.

The girls are doing well, what I see of them. ClaireBeth is really enjoying school and going to a birthday party on Tuesday for one of her really good friends. ZoeBel and VeeZee are doing really well in preschool. They're both doing very well with the stuff they should be learning. ZoeBel is doing basic addition. VeeZee is counting and as long as she's counting something she does okay. Mainly I love that Meemaw and Papi love all three girls.

So that's about it. We've had a lot of friends move recently, but we've been spending more time with family. One of my best friends comes back from deployment next month. I have a cat who loves me, even if she's not that into the girls (can you blame her-just kidding!). But yup. That's about it. I've missed you guys and hope everyone's well!

Most Difficult People To Deal With

This was sent by one of my favorite people in the world. She has been a great mentor and source of love for years.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!

I am sure that you had encountered some people whom you find most difficult to deal with. Perhaps this reminds you of someone as you read this. Your problems with them are not really due to how they are, but rather due to how you respond to how they are. People are different. Therefore, it is highly recommended that you learn their "language" to communicate. Learn to deal successfully with difficult people, and you learn valuable lessons about yourself. People are the way they are. Get past the need to try to change them, past the need to judge or condemn, and look for the value they offer. If you happen to pray for them, do not pray that they would be changed. Rather, pray that you would be transformed so that you will discover hidden value in them, and that you learn how to deal with them. In every difficult person you encounter, make a point to look past the difficult part and focus your attention on the person part. So, we can conclude they are your teachers! Through their difficulties you see things within yourself. And it takes courage to view yourself through them. But the rewards exceed the overcoming the fear.

"The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord test the heart." (Pv 17:3)

Walk with the King and be a blessing!

Sometimes It's Not Fun Being A Big Person

This was just an irritating week at work. That's a lot of it. The repetitiveness of work completely makes me ignore the repetitiveness of the up-keep of the house. Monday I was there until after 2000. ClaireBeth was supposed to get some sealants done and instead ended up having a tooth that needed three fillings! Tuesday, Wednesday and today were long, too. I was almost able to go home after picking up the girls but I couldn't find something expensive. I finally found it, and still somehow ended up working until 1930.

On an up note, VeeZee is progressing quite well at potty training. I put her in panties and plastic pants on Friday and she's been in them since. After getting the hang of it, which took a few days, she's had one accident a day. At least with pee (I'm not sure how to put that delicately). We're not really getting anywhere with the other. She doesn't quite realize what her body's telling her. But it's been less than a week.

I'm also looking at trying some new recipes tomorrow. Snickerdoodles and cream puff cake. I'll let you know how they go.