Oh My Goodness, I've Missed Y'all!!!

So. I started blogging again to log my experience with Plexus Slim for 6 weeks. In general I feel great. I eat less. I do a lot better than I used to with cravings, though I have been slipping. My exercise hasn't been what I want it to be. My fault. I've been lazy. I'm down a pants size since I started, from a 10 to an 8 for the most part. I haven't been taking full advantage of the Slim, though. IT IS A TOOL!!! Not a magic pill (or drink!). And, at week 5, I wish I had taken better advantage of it. I was pretty burnt out from the last 4 months, though. I DO want to continue for one more month, but am not sure if I'll be able to. Summers are hard pay-wise, between no pay in July or, if you're lucky and pick up summer school and VERY short month, camps for the girls and life in general. And unfortunately that's when I chose to start Plexus. In general I would have bought an extra month's worth earlier in the year. As an "ambassador" and with shipping and handling it is still 75 cents less than an iced coffee every day. And while I have been drinking more coffee since I quit soda, it is still more affordable than most of our habits. I just need to get rid of the coffee one ;)

So where have I been? I had a hard week. And then it felt like a huge burden to catch up. So I avoided it. Yes, I know I said I was working on that. Well this is me working on it. As I was blogging I started adding more personal stuff to it. And I honestly don't know if anyone outside of Sarah Dean (Hi Sarah!!!) is reading. But it feels nice to write, though it is obviously not one of my gifts. And that's okay. It is fun. Does this stay fairly impersonal? Yeah, to an extent. I'll talk about menstrual cycles and mammos all you want. Or more of I keep the really personal stuff in, as we all do.

So what have I been up to? I rearranged half the house. My cousin helped with the living room. I did my bedroom. I have my "office" in the bedroom. It was housed in a cheap, tall bookcase, whose addition necessitated the rearranging of my room (that and my bed against the windows wasn't working for me I don't care what the doctors say, it does make you sick...). So I moved my bed and two-ton dresser...at which point my bookcase snaps in half because it's, well, cheap! And I ended up not needing to change almost anything, but because I already had I wasn't moving it back. Crap's HEAVY! But my room is clean and my drawers are usable. It's been a while. 

My living room. It now has half the furniture in it. And it looks adorable!!! It's nice to come home!!! Mind you, we just did it last night. After a walk on the beach and a great dinner at Ruby's. Shirley Temples, BABY! Except not the cherries. I hate maraschino cherries...

My cousin and I have been working out. And she has a favorite saying. So I had shirts made for us with it on it. And since this started out about weight loss I'll show you the photo of me wearing them, 'cause I don't look as fat as I used to. The awesome Christina made these for us. Check her out. Large and small orders, anything you need customized. She also loves working out and her hubby is a great photographer :) 

The pink is Sarah's, she likes the formfitting tanks when she works out. Mine's the orange because I like the looser. But I'm wearing both in these pics.

So that's kinda it. Not all, I'm sure I've forgotten bits. That has been the hard part. There have been things that I wanted to share. I just couldn't bring myself to get on. And some of those may be lost forever. Were they important? No. But I got to "tell" my friends. Sheesh, I need a life! And it's only going to get worse with work and school starting again...

Moonlight Monday

Well, first off, I forgot my Slim all day. It's hard to write a post about how something makes you feel if you forget to take it. But I'll go over the past few weeks. Then I'll get to my fun day :)

First, it lets me know when I eat a bunch of junk. It then proceeds to flush it from my system thoroughly!

I do not feel nearly as "hungry" (maybe more just wanting to eat) and my mind/mouth isn't stuck on a flavor or food until I can't think about anything else.

I do wake up pretty refreshed, though I will throw in that I haven't had to leave the house at 7 am like I do during the school year.

For the most part I don't feel tired during the day. There are always exceptions, but those were usually due to extra exercise or an emotional day.

My Sarah that is in love with Plexus says she feels clearer-headed. I do not disagree but don't know if I am officially clear-headed. There is a lot to clear up in there...

So, my day! It started with a homemade soy latte. Then Cousin Sarah and I went for a walk...to Starbucks ;) Skinny, sugar free Vanilla Latte, baby! We walked back with our drinks, bringing us to almost 3 miles. We also did our abs. After hanging around her place for a bit, including eggs and toast for breakfast, she decided we would go to Moonlight Beach in Carlsbad. It was nice! And the bathrooms were so clean!!! We didn't get in the water, but I helped Nephew 2 build sand castles. We had Trader Joe's turkey club wraps, pink lemonade cupcakes, blueberries, persian cucumbers and cheese doodles! I made it to work and had ham and beans. Mainly because that's what I had time to pack! My after work snack wash half a Lavash wrap and two pieces of turkey lunch meat. Overall I ended up at 1550 calories. I remember when I would eat that at one sitting!

It was fun eating just bits of the fun foods at the beach. Though I never got one of the uncrustables the kids had. Those are so good! I wonder if we could get them to make a peanut butter and pickle version...

Fun In The Sun-day

You know, I'm liking these cheesy titles ;)

The day started off funny. I did homework and then we had to get ready for church. I never thought I would think 9:00 was too early for something but that's how church feels when I have to make sure Vee is ready, too. She sleeps until 7:45-8:00, which is WAY later than I sleep! So I never got to my Slim. I did have a small bowl of beans and a latte made with Thin Mint creamer because I used the rest of the milk in the corn bread.

Lunch (and dinner) was chipotle. I don't think I had ordered from there before. Maybe once. And let me tell you, that is not a place you can easily make good choices! But since the burritos are so large I had no problem making two meals out of it. Though I did have my Slim and a sandwich for a snack in-between (I forgot my veggies again!).

But then I ran into trouble. Slim is doing a great job in helping me control my cravings and not feeling as hungry. But my head still wins sometimes. Like last night. I had to go to Fresh&Easy for milk. And my brain said "You might get hungry. You know you can't go to sleep if you're hungry!" And macaroni and cheese cakes were on sale (think crab cakes except with mac-n-cheese). So I got them. And ate all 350 salty, not that great, carb-loaded calories right before bed. I try to make sure I let myself have yummy food. But that doesn't mean I don't make mistakes. The mac-n-cheese cakes were a mistake...

I didn't exercise, per se, but we went to the beach and played in the waves a lot :) And I took a photo in my bathing suit for you ;)

We call this the Randi pose. She looks a lot cuter when she does it ;)

Saturday "Sat Around"-day Day 20

Vee and I...sat. And laid. And chilled. And watched a bunch of anime. She played, I promise. I talked to my best friend/sistery person. Hi, Randi!!! I got the bathroom mostly cleaned and organized. But not much exercise. Or movement. Or anything. And I loved it!!!

Breakfast was Slim, oatmeal, soy milk and strawberries. I had 2/3 cup of oats and it was too much.

Lunch was 2 ounces of tuna with brown mustard and a teaspoon of mayo with two pieces of bread. You know, I never got around to getting my veggies out!!!

Dinner was ham and beans with cornbread. I made it with soy milk and flaxmeal instead of eggs. It wasn't bad. We're still working on some of the substitutions...I didn't add any salt to the beans and it was still too salty. But that is comfort food for me. Wow, another deficit of veggies...not normal.

I'll admit, I had a piece and a half of peppermint bark and a mini twix. I also finished my soda from the night before. We split the last three peppermint thins to get rid of them. I ate the twix because I was walking around and saw the bag and ate one. I put those in the freezer. I don't like hard chocolate. The soda was diet and I STILL have that chemical sweetener taste in my mouth. That used to be a constant. I'm glad it's gone. But because I was drinking that soda all day I didn't drink enough water. But I felt in control, which I'm honestly giving credit to the Slim for. Normally I would have had to eat it all so it was out of the house. But I felt good. And able to resist. It's a great feeling!

Yeah...You Won't Be Seeing Those...

I took some photos of myself. Boy shorts and the cheap sports/shelf bras I wear around the house. I figured I've scared off all the males and since this is about weight loss using Slim it would be okay. My niece and nephews saw me in about the same yesterday. Except I couldn't post them. At first I was thinking "Okay, that's not so bad. I can see the spoon shape." Not a pear, a spoon. Then I saw the flabby belly. And the way my undies press in. And my loose arms. And my thighs that TOUCH.

I hate working out. I have no problem with moving. But once it gets hard I get out of there! I'm kind of working on that, both the working out and the tendency to avoid hard things/things I don't want to do. Having a workout partner helps. Thanks, Sarah! But, you only get out of it what you put into it.

Actually, I will post one of the photos...

My funny bed head. I think I went swimming the day before and forgot to wash it :P

Friday "Try"-day Day 19

I went and did something new!!! But let's start at the beginning ;)

I met my mom and grandmother for breakfast at Denny's in Mission Valley. It was packed! I tried the Fit Fare Veggie Skillet. Decent flavor and texture. 340 calories (really good for eating out). And pretty greasy at the end. But not bad.

Then I went PADDLEBOARDING!!! For five minutes. And managed to fall in...It was windy so we decided to turn them in for kayaks and on the last turn I wasn't able to turn all the way before the wind pushed me into the rocks. Oh well. I am aware that I am not the most coordinated. I've learned to live with it and laugh at it most of the time. Ask Randi about ice skating ;) So my friend and I kayaked for a good hour and a half or so. It was awesome! I killed my fingers on the side of the kayak. I got sunburned because the sunblock wasn't in the car. And I got to spend time with someone who has been really important to me for most of my life. Goodness, almost 20 years.

She also suggested a great fish and chips place where we split a shrimp salad and divvied up some fish and chips, though I ate the lion's share of that.

So on the time with Vee. Who sweet talked me into The Minions. Last time we went the tickets were $6.50 each. They were NOT $6.50 this time :( But we were already there. Then, I was stupid. We had already decided we wouldn't get anything from the concession stand. But I wanted a drink. You know, to go with the mini Twix, Andes peppermint bark and teriyaki nori that we brought with us. I drink all the time. Like at least 120 ounces of water a day if I'm using the trenta cups from Starbucks. I love those cups! And I usually drink more than that. So I got a soda. We sat down and I wanted popcorn. I could have told myself no. I should have told myself no. But I didn't. And then Vee wanted a drink. Fair enough, she doesn't really like what I usually get. Not I'm not upset about the food or calories. I'm more frustrated that I had to work 3 hours to earn  what I spent and that I did it anyway. The tickets were one thing. And not worth getting upset about. But the food was my own fault. Vee was against it. Sometimes kiddo knows best.

I definitely started feeling the rowing by the end of the night. At first it loosened up what was sore from Thursday. Then it started feeling twingey. I love that feeling! I didn't drink my Plexus Slim until we got home and dinner was just a quick mash of rice, beans, chili's and tomatoes. Some things just end on an odd note, rather like this post :P

Day 18

I worked out with my cousin. It's so much more fun with someone else! Even if I was typing for half our walk. Sorry, Sarah! Next we went to the park and did some arm exercises and then home and did some ab exercises. Breakfast was a boiled egg, a piece of toast and butter, some coffee and creamer and some blueberries. I love breakfasts where I don't have to cook! Then just hanging out, playing in the pool and sitting in the sun :) Slim and lunch around 1:30. In an attempt to transition from meat I'm starting to use beans. So lunch was half a cup of great northern beans, 1/2 a cup brown rice, 2 tbsp green chiles and a tbsp tomato paste. It was okay. Definitely edible. I'm not big on beans, so I guess I'll make a pot, like I do for rice. I also didn't feel FULL but beans and rice are both so full of calories that I was being conservative. I'll probably do 2/3 cup each next time. Dinner was pork chop, rice and Brussel sprouts and my snacks throughout the day were strawberries, popcorn rice cakes, a half turkey sandwich and a half cup of soy milk. Oh, and a trenta sugar free iced coffee...Overall it came to 1130 calories. Plenty of water.

I was tired. Like lay down and still not snap out of it tired. I didn't sleep well Wednesday night. No real reason, just didn't. Tonight was also my first day back to my normal evening schedule at work and it felt SOOOO late. So when I got off I came home and...laid in bed for forever

I did things I didn't want to do! If it is an activity I will often get it over with. But if it's a conversation where I will feel vulnerable or where I'm not sure I'll be successful in accomplishing or conveying what needs to be accomplished or conveyed then I put it off...a lot...When your text or email notifications going off make your system flood with adrenaline you tend to avoid whatever you can. My therapist actually got on to me about it! I actually don't mind that. She uses to more client-centered approach. And while I'm not expecting anyone else to do stuff for me, sometimes I wouldn't mind if she were harder on me.

Working On This Today And Everyday

Day 17 and I Couldn't Work Out Alliteration For It...

So food...I started watching calories again. I think my LoseIt! app set me at 1100 something but I am cool with 1200. Breakfast was Slim, potatoes, mushrooms and sausage and a homemade soy latte. I put a teaspoon of sugar in there but decided it wasn't worth it because I couldn't really taste it. Snack was a half sandwich and mini peppers. Lunch was a portobello sandwich, tomatoes and mini bell peppers. Dinner was 1/2 cup brown rice, a dry sauteed zucchini and 2.5 ounces of pork chop with a mystery marinade from before I started choosing to lose weight. And a cookie. It was a yummy cookie. But again, I was totally fine with just the one. I ate dinner early so I had another half sandwich with two pieces of meat and another latte with no sugar. Except I had another piece of bread and meat to soak up some of the jitteries so I could try to sleep. I wnded up at 1214 calories. And at least four 30 ounce cups of water.

Energy-wise I felt good! I worked through the coffee sleepies (I'm not 100% sure why I actually drink coffee...I'm not even positive if I like it! But it is easier to drink unsweetened than tea). Being busy and halfway motivated helped. No set exercise today. And that's okay because I'm sorer than I thought I'd be from yesterday's workout since I didn't push myself like I could have. Can't wait to do it again tomorrow!

Today I cleaned the kitchen. It took most of the day. Y'all, I'm going to be transparent. I'm not usually because this blog has been used against me (I'm not paranoid, I promise). So if that's why you're here, "Hi. I'll see you when I pick up the girls :)" Otherwise, here's where I started this morning and where I finished at...

This area was messier than it looks!

I even hung up the candle holder and trivets :)

Organized, wiped out and all of the mystery stuff gone.
Plus it helped me menu plan!

After, Vee and I went to the beach and played soccer and walked the pier. She actually asked to do the pier and then wanted to do it again! This is huge! Even two years ago I had to carry her over the doorway of elevators because the cracks scared her. The pier is ALL cracks! She had issues with it earlier this year and she has NEVER asked to go. So I was stoked. Then we saw a seal right below us and dolphins not for off! DUDE! Unfortunately all of my pictures are lamesauce. Next phone is going to have a kick butt camera!

Breasts, Best Cousins and Boats

So firstly, I forgot my Slim. Today's going to be more chronological than categorical. This will explain why.

My morning started with a trenta iced coffee. Then on to...THE MAMMOGRAM!!! (insert dun.dun.dun noise) Sometime in the week before school ended and I went to Utah to visit Randi I found a large lump in my breast. I waited through a whole cycle to make sure it didn't change and then called the doctor. With my age and history I knew what it was, it just still needed to be checked out. So cue my first mammogram and an ultrasound at age 31. And..it wasn't that bad. Typically they take two shots on each side. One with the machine facing straight on and then a side view of a sorts where they tilt the aching to 45 degrees. Those were fine. At the site of the lump we had to take extra shots and one of those was a tish uncomfortable, but I am obviously here to tell the tale. The ultrasound wasn't nearly as cute as looking at baby ultrasounds. And the final verdict...is exactly what I knew that it was before. benign, harmless and a bit irritating but painless.

And in all this I have only had some coffee and an apple! I raced to work because the other girls were sweet and were helping me out. Thankfully I had a slim-fast and a pork, yam and broccolini meal from Fresh&Easy while I was there. One of the guys from summer school said he would call me and we could go running with a group he goes with. I didn't really expect it to happen. And it didn't but I opened up my schedule just in case. And my cousin texted me! And we worked out to Jillian Michaels (who is evil!). And we went swimming. And we hung out. And we had taco boats! They are cool!!! But I had to pay attention and not overfill them. We also had brownies and I had coffee. And you know what...I wasn't feeling the brownies. They were yummy but I was fine just having one,

And the best part is that I stole some of my cousin's clothes after we went swimming. I looked like Christmas! 

Day 15

Slim and a thin bagel and three pieces of lunch meat and mini bell peppers for breakfast. A soy latte from home. An apple and a banana for snack at work. I had the same thing for lunch as for breakfast. A popcorn rice cake and some random veggies. I tried to be super conscious about the snacking and the reasons behind it. So I had a lot more water at home today. Dinner was a large bit of fish and brown rice and peas.

I'm feeling a lot more convicted about eating meat. It's one thing to "not like how they're treated", which is where I've been so far, and realizing you are biting into a piece of an animal and tearing its flesh apart...so I guess I'm going to be eating a lot of beans until we decide how bad soy really is for us. Though I'm still not against eggs if I had chickens or milk if I had goats. But since I don't we've been skipping those, too.

I went for a run that ended up mostly walk. Like ALL walk. I went around my neighbourhood instead of the beach. Elevation sucks. Hills suck. Humidity sucks. Heat sucks. And forgetting my water bottle sucks. Oh well, just means I have to work harder...

Days 13 and 14

The weekend was...there. It was raining and I felt blah, which is not a usual thing for me. So while I took my Slim I still had a hard time with eating too much. I would do fine until the late evening. I think part of it was not enough water and part of it was wanting something I couldn't identify. And an off schedule due to working earlier and for less hours.

I've done well the last two weeks with not wanting sweets, but Sunday I had whipped cream...then whipped cream with hot cocoa powder mixed in...eaten with crackers. It might have been a craving for iron, which is why chocolate is so popular in conjunction with hormone cycles. And I don't have any in the house. This is often a problem for me...

I measured again, since it's been two weeks. And I have lost a grand total of...0 inches. Even though I've lost some pounds. This is my fault, though, for not exercising. The biggest thing is remembering that Slim is a tool, not a magic wand. I worked hard to lose the 30 pounds with no help. I still have to keep working hard, even though I'm tired. The Slim can't work if I'm not giving it anything to work with. Or if I'm overloading it with junk.

Day Twelve

I WENT RUNNING!!! Well, walking fast with a tish of running.

And my feet hurt! And my back is workout sore! And I'm tired! And I feel AWESOME!!! We'll see if I still feel like that when it's time to go out tomorrow ;)

Slim and boost in the morning followed by cottage cheese, a thin bagel and some watermelon. And of course coffee and creamer :) I had half a cinnamon sugar bagel with cream cheese at work. It was the only one in half. But I didn't have any chocolate! An apple before my walk (I hate saying that, I feel like I'm 60 going around the block in my keds...). Half a quesadilla from Tuesday and some coffee with sweet-n-low. I used to love it. I hate sugary sodas and would only drink diet. But now I'm not liking it in anything. So YAY!!! I miss soda but I'm hanging in there! Dinner was a portobello and spinach on a piece of processed bread and some Brussel sprouts with bacon and a butter sauce. So they weren't healthy like I usually do but they were yummy. Except since there wasn't much protein or many carbs I ended up eating two pieces of lunch meat and some brown rice and spaghetti sauce. I really just want more coffee and I haven't had nearly enough water.

This was stolen from a friend's Facebook page and I have no clue where she stole it from, but it is accurate. It still takes work and hurts and doesn't always seem worth it but looking back it was worth it.

Though this one works, too...

And LOL, even Quizzdoos are telling me I should run more...

The quiz was "What new hobby I should take up" ;)

Day 11 with some Day 10 stuff

Slim and boost with cottage cheese and a thin bagel and coffee and creamer. I had some awesome bread pudding today and I don't like bread pudding! It wasn't gooey :) I also tried a papusa. It was school food, so not great but it was still good. Then I did something that was hard for me. I went out with some coworkers. I had a Georgia Peach Mule and sweet potato fries...and some fried zucchini...and cheesy bread...and a fried pickle spear...Dinner was a thin bagel with turkey lunch meat and mini bell peppers and cauliflower with a bit of hummus. And another coffee.

So I weighed yesterday. My first picture put me at 143 but it was a tad high. Yesterday morning was...

And it was pointed out that I never posted any real photos, so here ya go...

You can see why I don't usually like photos.

I gain weight in my belly and the chub you see isn't made worse by my pants, that's just how it is. My 10s are getting loose!

Tenth Day

My Slim and boost didn't come in the mail until the afternoon. Breakfast was cottage cheese and some watermelon and iced coffee with creamer. I ended up splitting a breakfast burrito with someone and it was a good thing, I was having a hard time with patience with some of my students. I forgot lunch. Dinner was spaghetti and kale and potatoes. Later dinner was more spaghetti...and the rest of the breaded fish...and two small rice cakes with hummus and a piece of turkey...

I took my Slim and boost before dinner. I wasn't tired during the day but about an hour after I took the boost I tanked. I don't think the boost was responsible, though, because I sat down and it was after 6:00. Part of why I have to keep going is because generally otherwise I'll crash. I do think the boost has been helping with that but it's hard to tell because I don't usually stop.

Day 9, Doctor's Appointment, Don't Know What To Wear

Today I weighed! But forgot to take pics. So tomorrow it is. Hopefully. Slim and boost in the morning with a thin bagel and 1/2 of cottage cheese. I took some coffee and creamer to work. I tried Pioneer Woman's Iced coffee! I had part of an apple for snack, like just the part around the middle. Lunch was half a quesadilla from Frazier Farms (a local Sprouts-type store) with a LOT of onions and cilantro! Right before a doctor's appointment! Dinner was a quinoa spinach salad with about 2/3 of the dressing pack and a "healthy" frozen dinner. Then after work I got a taco and small fries from Del Taco...

I wasn't too hungry today and my energy was fine. It felt much better than feeling put of control like the last few days. But I have to get over some times were I expect to eat. I feel like Pavlov's dog. As soon as I get in the car to go home from work it's "Ooh, I'm going home from work, I must be hungry!" So last night I had some fruit and veggies. Then I ended up having a piece of bread and two pieces of turkey. I have convinced myself that if I feel hungry I won't go to sleep. And sometimes I say, whatever,  I don't care, so what if it's a bad choice it doesn't matter. And not in a good attitude. Hence the Del Taco.

I went to the doctor today. I had found something to keep an eye on and after over a month decided to go in. I know it's one of two things, both nonserious. So I go and I'm told "You have this." Yeah, duh. That's why I called. So they will call me to set up tests. I know it probably weeds through lots of unnecessary tests and such, but the whole appointment felt like a waste. I know the next steps. I know what that word and procedure are. I can tell you which two things I think it is. Do I really have to come back here? Apparently the answer is yes.

And so...clothes! I have managed to not wear the same shirt for the whole three and a half weeks of summer school. At first it was because I had picked up some cute clothes while shopping with my sister. They have some good thrift stores and consignment shops in Utah! I had also picked up some cute pieces in a thrift store by where I grew up in East County. So it kind of became a game about halfway through the second week. And I have tomorrow figured out. And Friday. But am stuck for Thursday. And I'm choosing to fuss over this than other junk because sometimes you need to focus on something silly.

Day 8

And I need more Slim! And I didn't go running today because I had homework which didn't take as long as I was worried it would but I was already home. And tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment. And Wednesday I have therapy. And Thursday I'm supposed to go out with friends. And Friday I will probably be behind on my homework again! Ugh.

I took my Slim and boost right when I got up and forgot to weigh! So I'll do that tomorrow. Breakfast was peanut butter and pickle on a thin bagel and a trenta sugar free iced coffee. My Starbucks card is empty, so it's no more Starbucks :( Though someone asked if the whole thing had been full of coffee. I told them I just gave up soda, coffee was my next thing! I was hungry when I got home from work, and had a slim-fast and a piece of watermelon around 1:00 or so. Second lunch around 3:00 was a sandwich on 2 pieces of 45 calorie processed bread and two pieces of lunch meat and a handful of sugar snap peas. Dinner around 6:00 was reruns of breaded fish and rice and a sauteed zucchini. The problem was I wasn't quite hungry but kept feeling like I should eat. So it was more of a compulsion than a need. I'm trying to work on that. Throughout the day I threw in some cucumber sticks. When I got home from work I had 3 pieces of watermelon and a handful of snap peas. I tend to treat veggies as a whatever, whenever food but am thinking I need to reclassify them as a gateway food-they do just enough to make you want something more. So I'm drinking more water and telling my taste buds they need to be quiet.

~~~*~~~*~~~Girl Talk Below~~~*~~~*~~~

I didn't feel as tired as I have been lately. But I haven't been feeling as full. Today was the first day or the day before the first day of my cycle and I'm really wondering if that has anything to do with it. I know I've been thinking it would start soon but I was off by a few days. I finally broke down and started using a tracker and realized my cycles are around 34 days long. So I'm not going to complain, but I can't say "Oh, that was around the 12th, that should start again soon."

Day Seven. A Day Late Because I'm Disappointed In Myself.

Yesterday, Sunday, started with my Slim and boost. Breakfast was good. A mini bagel, cream cheese, watermelon, soy yogurt and bacon. It was a large breakfast but not too bad. Trenta sugar free iced coffee during working the nursery. Then lunch. And someone had the dumb idea to get pizza. I initially stopped at two pieces. Later I had two more pieces, like around 5:00. So not horrible, right? 4 pieces in a day isn't horrible. Except the last piece kept calling to me. Can y'all guess who won? It wasn't me. Then I still had rice and bacon later that night! And somewhere in there I ate a pint of tomatoes...And a bowl of lucky Charms and the last of the milk...The worst part was I didn't have that full feeling I had had the past week. That was how I was more in charge of not eating all the time.

I nodded off while we watched a movie, but I had also worked the two-year-old room during church. My back muscles let me know they got a good workout from carrying toddlers later, too!

I'm hoping the full feeling isn't gone. I actually appreciated it. I'm also hoping my shipment comes in soon! I ordered later on day 5 and am now on day 8. They just shipped last night and I'm not positive the package has actually officially left. It's not that they are taking too long, l just don't want to have a gap.

But today is a new day and it is worth it to keep going even if it isn't as easy as before (I think it was a one time thing, either due to hormones or emotions). So you tell yourself to stop whining!

On the plus side Vee and I painted our "pantry" so I can get my fridge and counter back which will make making good choices in the kitchen easier!

Sixth Day...

So last night I went to Bunco. It was a lot of fun. It was potluck...I took veggies and hummus ;) But I did okay with food. I had a plate of yummies!

What you don't see are two of these! Oh goodness, they were delicious!

And something happened that has never happened...I stopped eating. If there is food out I am usually constantly picking at it. I did have one extra wonton and it was so not worth it. It was awesome to not be constantly wandering by the food table picking stuff up. It was a friend's birthday and I did finish her cupcake. She'd eaten about 2/3 and I ate the rest. It was the perfect amount and while it tasted good I just didn't want any more. I felt free!!!

And then today...we went out around 7:15 to get some stuff to refinish a bookcase. Before breakfast. You can see where this is going...I didn't have my Slim and boost. That's okay, you can have it before any meal. Then we ended up going from Lowe's the Food4Less to WalMart to WalMart to get gas. Except there was a stop to Jack In The Box in there...two tacos and some curly fries later and Vee and I weren't feeling super great. I'm glad the eight-year-old is able to tell that she feels yucky when she eats junk food :) We also had a taco and a few curly fries for snack. Yuck.

I had my Slim and boost around 12:30 and lunch around 1:00 was 2/3 of a thin bagel (Vee's a bagel thief!), 1/2 cup of cottage cheese and a bunch of veggies from last night. Much better!!! I had a homemade coconut milk latte and some watermelon throughout the day. Watermelon sticks are fantastic!

Dinner around 5:30 was a 1/2 cup of rice that I didn't eat much of, a quarter head of roasted cauliflower and some breaded tilapia. I was hungry by 7:45. I'm guessing because I didn't eat my rice. I was also short on water which I know didn't help anything. I had a 1/3 cup of rice and 2 sausage links around 8:45.

Energy...I nodded off today around 2:00 or so. But I got a good bit done and didn't feel draggy today, so that was good.

Thoughts on blogging this. At first it was a good idea, and I still think it is, but it's starting to feel like a chore. And I'm back to measuring food. I don't feel the need to obsess over calories, focusing more on content than content and numbers. I feel fairly confident listening to when I'm full (except today, today feels off-my mouth is saying "feed me" but I'm trying to listen to my stomach, which isn't really saying anything". And I know all this isn't necessarily super interesting to you. Blogging's mainly for me anyway, but still.

Day Five and I'm gonna Party!!!

Breakfast was Slim and boost, Starbucks English muffin with cage-free egg whites and turkey bacon and another trenta iced coffee. While I wasn't AS beat as the last few days I was still tired. I had not quite a half of a piece of pizza at school and I got all the pepperoni. The person I shared it with is a vegetarian, so I got it all!!! (a note on that in a bit) Lunch around 2:30 was "fast-food", meaning whatever fresh&easy had on clearance and I could microwave there. Today it was chicken caprese, so pretty much a chicken breast piece, pasta, spinach, mozzarella and tomatoes. Dinner will be whatever we're having at Bunco! I'm spending time with adults! Someone might even say my name and be talking to me as opposed to work Jessica or school Jessica.

I haven't had enough water yet today. And even when my body felt hungry my stomach never felt empty. Almost like when you drink too much water and you feel all sloshy but without the sloshy itself. So lunch almost felt like too much. So I'm hopeful I'll be able to listen to my body tonight.

I ordered product and after talking to my amazing Sarah I decided to go with just the Slim, though I'll finish my boosts to see if my body starts feeling energized by it. I have taken 5 (I think) of the 12 that I have. If I get a better reaction over the next few days I'll get some more. There's a probiotic that would be nice to try, but not right away.

So we're trying to go cruelty free. Except sometimes I forget, like when I go out to eat. It's a new concept for me and I don't impose it on the girls but am introducing it to them. I don't necessarily mind eating meat. But I don't agree with how animals are treated and slaughtered. So we're slowly transitioning. If I had chickens then it would be "eat all the eggs!" but since we don't have chickens, or a cow or anything else meatish, we're using up what's in the freezer and working on new types of protein.

Day Four

And it's time to commit. I need to buy more supplies in order to do the full 6 weeks and I need to do it soon. And it's a little scary because it's a bit expensive. Especially since it's only been four days.

But in the four days I have definitely been less hungry and I've totally been able to deal with the cravings. Not even "I deserve this because of ______________ or ____________". I'm not sure about the energy part, though, the boost. Between my mum and my youngest being diagnosed with ADD and knowing myself and my habits and the fact that stimulants often put me to sleep I probably should have realized this sooner. I have been pretty tired the last few days and didn't even think about it until talking with one of my colleagues. She has personal experience with the same situation and she's a special education teacher. But Plexus has other add-ons or I may just do the Plexus. It's actually called Slim, so I suppose I ought to call it that.

Yesterday I posted I wasn't quite sure how it works. Here's a little blurb. Nothing overly scientific...

Today foodwise I had a bagel thin with peanut butter and coconut milk, half of each for breakfast and snack around 2:00. Snack at work was a pack of carrots and I had a trenta iced caramel coffee (no milk or half and half, just coffee) before a 1:00 appointment. I had an early dinner around 4:00 of the rest of my spaghetti and garlic bread from last night and a Tropical Chicken Salad with no dressing from fresh&easy after 8:00. The salad was almost too much.

Water has been fine. Two bottles at work and two+ trenta cups this evening. Adults should be drinking half their bodyweight in ounces of water. So I'm 142ish which means I need at least 71 ounces of water. If I exercise I drink at least another 24 ounces. For kiddos we aim for their weight in ounces.

I haven't officially really lost any weight yet, but the low has gotten a smidge lower, it's just not consistently there all the time. I'm also due to restart my cycle soon so we'll blame it on that ;)

Day Three

This whole "30 minutes before eating" thing is kinda buggin'. I went down to have breakfast with my mom and got stuck in traffic. I drank it in the car when I should have been about 30 minutes out but...Then my breakfast got delayed by a phone call. I need to see how close to a half hour before it needs to be. I had breakfast at Ikea. A crappy but delicious breakfast. Fried/baked potato chunks, 2 pieces of sausage, scrambled eggs, french toast sticks with syrup and coffee. I made myself eat and it had to be something that would last because I knew I wouldn't feel like eating for a while due to nerves about a meeting.

Dinner was mediocre spaghetti and a piece of garlic bread at a pizza place-don't ask why I didn't just get pizza...and I get to eat it again tomorrow because there were leftovers :P So it's 9 pm and I'm not hungry at all but feel like eating, it's been a habit to eat when I get home from work and it's not the easiest one to break. I've had an okay amount of water, but probably not enough. I'm still going on that.

How am I feeling? My system isn't trying to clean itself out as much. I got really tired midday but it almost felt like the tired after you exercise the first few times, which has not been the case lately. Yay, Friday! I can't wait to go for a run. I'm just worried about how bad it's going to hurt! And I'm really tired right now but it's been a long day.

Second Day...

I got busy this morning and wasn't really feeling breakfast. I got to sleep around midnight last night and wasn't feeling getting up! I ironed and made my latte with 1/2 cup of coconut milk and realized I had to take my Plexus and boost but then remembered I had to eat. Except it was 730. You take the Plexus 30 minutes before you eat. I still can't remember if I took my boost but I could only find one more pill so I hope so. Breakfast was a banana and half of a potato, ham and egg scramble from fresh&easy that was on clearance.

At snack, the kids' lunch around 11:15, I was actually feeling somewhat hungry. I had another teeny banana and a bag of baby carrots (like a palm sized bag-25 calories or so). School gets out at 12:15 and I was truly hungry but nothing sounded good except more water. At school I had finished my latte and a bottle of water.

My main meal consisted of the lunch special and the halfway decent sushi place down the street. I felt too full but hoped I wouldn't have to eat much later. I've had another 3 glasses of water and a killer headache, which I'm guessing is from the chemicals in the soda rather than the caffeine.

Chicken cutlet, rice, salad, California roll and miso soup. I didn't eat all the rice...

"Dinner" consisted of ramien and an egg. I feel icky. But I was too blah to wash and cut up veggies. But I've had three grapefruit waters! And now you have to read the next paragraph because you're hooked. Muahahahaha!

I took the advice of a few friends and combined soda water or sparkling water or whatever it is with grapefruit juice. Why grapefruit? 'Cause it was on sale. You'll start to see a theme with that. AND I made you a video of me trying it. 'Cause I love y'all that much ;) On that note, it took me a few hours to finish that first glass. Not a fan, I've decided. I think I miss the sweet artificial chemicals, not the fizziness. Now I know...but don't I look adorable in my video ;)

So I'm not really into supplements and gimmicks to lose weight. The first thirty pounds were honestly hard won. I would make bad choices and see the results in how my system felt and how the numbers went up. I would make good choices and see the effects when I felt better (or evened out from the bad choices) and how the numbers would go down. At one point I was checking my fitbit and lose it apps constantly, which is silly considering the lose it only reflects what I put in there. I had them synced at one point but was driving myself crazy. I haven't worn my fitbit zip since Friday. I simply can't find it. That being said I'm giving this a try.

So why Plexus? It had the best sale. And my awesome friend that I would trust with anything in my life trusts Plexus. Not to put too much pressure on her ;) I don't really know how it works. Right now I'm just seeing if it does. I'll give it 6 weeks. 42 days. And see how I feel.

I haven't been able to go run for a week and I am really noticing a difference. The Plexus and boost are supposed to help with endurance and I can't wait to see if it's true!

Trying Something New

So in January I went to a conference with my cousin. My mama paid for the tickets and she left early! While it wasn't "meaty" it was a good reminder of how loved and valued I am. And that I was worthy of taking care of myself. Especially since no one else can. So I went home. I got on the scale. And saw 170.

Halloween 2014. And this was a kind picture!!!

January 25th. Love that hill!

So the next day I went for a walk at the beach. For like 2 miles or something like that. And I did a hill or two. And started watching what I ate.  I had joined a weight loss challenge a few weeks before but had just figured I was throwing the money away. I decided to actually make an effort. Soon I tried Zumba when they had it at church (we have a fitness group with a rotating schedule...I'm not overly fond of yoga, though that is how I knew I was "FAT". I could stretch but the fat was in the way...). And I lost 20 pounds on the challenge and came in tied for 3rd for percentage of body weight lost.

We had a round two where we set a goal. Mine was to get into the 130s, meaning 139.9 would count ;) And I made it right before I went to my sister's and ate everything! So for the last few weeks I've been about 141-142. And I feel fatter now than when I was 170. I didn't realize how heavy I was. There's no one to tell me and all of my clothes were stretchy. I was in 14s, almost 16s. Now I'm in 10s and almost 8s. But I'm not happy with were I'm at.

So 10 pounds is my goal. around 130. But mainly I'd like to be more toned. It's not for anyone. I live by myself and so it's not to please other people. It's more to be healthy and feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't have any before pictures, really. Or measurements. But right now I have a 32 inch waist, 39 inch hips, 22 inch thigh and wear a 36B/C bra,

One pill and one packet per day with some water :)

So enter Plexus. This morning I took a packet and a pill half an hour before I ate. Then I had breakfast. I took a few hours to dink a venti skinny vanilla latte with an extra shot (and now you know my order if you ever decide to bring me Starbucks ;) ). At snack I had two of the cutest, teeniest bananas!!! They weren't even special ones. For lunch it was half a whole wheat turkey wrap from Sprouts and a few handfuls of grape tomatoes and some super strong iced tea. Dinner was a cup of white rice (it cooks faster than brown, unfortunately), zucchini in a teaspoon or so of olive oil and about a cup of dark chicken. I finished my wrap and the pint of tomatoes and two bottles of water. Then I ate veggie straws in the car on the way home from work.

Me in new shoes from my sister!!! June 27, 2015

So how am I feeling? I didn't feel the energy that is supposed to be a benefit but I also worked super late after a late night the night before. But I wasn't really hungry. I had moments where I needed to eat but the cravings were definitely less than usual. My system is cleaning itself out, so it will be nice when all the ick is out. I really wanted a soda but I think part of it was more habit than anything. I'm a diet soda girl, but all of it's bad for you. I wanted more water but was balking at drinking it. Lemon in my water was suggested, as was sparkling water then adding my own lemon to see if it's the carbonization that I like. I usually feel like I need to eat (more of a feeling than a need) when I get home from work. Either I ate more veggie straws than I realized or the Plexus is working on the cravings. I really hope it's the Plexus!

I am...

...lost...hurt...scared...numb...apathetic...trying to hang on...closed off...lying...shutting everyone out...tired...not sure what to do...useless...worthless...a failure.

I am having a hard time with God. Forgiving Him, maybe? Possibly. Avoiding, for sure. Afraid if I rely or trust in Him my problems still won't resolve and then I'll be even more hurt and lost and feel worse for not trusting Him.