Hi

I'm still alive, I just haven't felt the urge to sit down and blog. I still spend plenty of time in front of the computer (I just joined Facebook and look through ebay even though I know I won't buy anything.) I've been busy, but not super busy. I just haven't blogged.

Yesterday, Sunday, we went to a birthday party at Admiral Baker Field. It's a campground/ picnic/golf course. I parked, found the party and then saw the other parking lot someone had told me about. So I decided to move the car. Now over close to where I had first parked there's a sign saying softball field, park at own risk. So I parked a few rows away from it. No problem. Well to get to the other lot you have to drive between the golf course and the picnic area. Can you guess what happened next? As I was driving along in my mom-mobile, listening to big girl music-as opposed to Pa Grape singing "Zaccheus was a wee little man, and a wee little man was he!"-a golf ball hit my windshield. Yup! It was a pretty good swing, too. It cracked all the way through and I have glass all over the driver's side dash board and carpet. The road curves and I just happened to be in the path off a ball that was hit off the green, off the course and into my car. The first thing I did, since the gentleman was responsible enough to come over to the 3 foot fence that is supposed to protect hapless bystanders like myself, was tell him that that was why I didn't golf. I was supposed to pick up Eric at Camp Pendleton, they're up there for Crucible week, and had to call him and tell him what happened. If I hadn't had to pick him up, I might not have told him. He's there until Thursday and would have never known. The worst part is that he thought I parked next to the golf course. It took like two minutes when he got home for me to convince him I was driving. I asked him how many guys he had told that his Dang wife had parked next to a golf course and had her car hit. He told me a few. So I'm thinking great, this will never be lived down while we're stationed here. He's mad enough at the other guy that hit the ball that he might tell people it wasn't my fault.

I was afraid I was going to get pulled over and be stuck on the side of the road until I could get the windshield fixed, which if I have to pay for it and be reimbursed won't be until Wednesday, which is payday or how long it would take to get cash out of the cash account. I'm hoping I can have the glass place bill the insurance to keep it busy until then so I can get it done today. At least the other guy has the same insurance company. He's like "I can't believe that just happened. This is the worst." And all I said was "Oh, no, something else a lot worse could have happened." And unfortunately it's true. I know God will provide for us. I just don't like waiting for God. I guess that's that patience thing I keep hearing tell of.

Good Morning.

Goodness, well my tomorrow from the 11th is the 16th . Sorry. Beth Moore was fantastic, though a little rushed at the end. Being women, who talk a lot, the speaker spoke a lot. It was a great lesson and being with that many women-over 9,000-who love God was phenomenal.

Today is our 6th wedding anniversary, which means we started dating 7 1/2 years ago. Oh my goodness. I met a friend for lunch yesterday and I'm like "Did you realize we're getting old?" He's three years older then me so he can understand how I feel. But most 24 year-olds don't have three kids-the oldest getting close to 6-with the same father either.

As for lately, we're here. Ziggy has some tummy problems, Vee's diaper rash is finally clearing up (is teething pain and rashes God's curse for the fall for babies like labor pains and monthly girl issues are for women? I really can't imagine it was supposed to be like this in Eden.) I found out that ClaireBeth loves to write. Well, she likes to compose. She hates writing what she's told to write. Like her bible verses for AWANA. She loves learning them and is great at it, but to have her sit down to write them out-it's a good way to learn them and improves her writing-and she'll be there for an hour writing two verses. I've had to start setting the timer. The timer is used a lot around here to get things done that certain people may be dawdling on. Maybe I should use the timer on myself! I just don't know how to discipline myself if I don't get it done. Speaking of which, I'm off to clean my upstairs hallway. It looks like a hurricane came through, including the water if you look after bath time.

P.S. I did my laundry that way again and it worked great. I'll have to see if it works when you do laundry less than two weeks apart now.

Baby Lily info

My friend Julia called with an update on Lily. There was no way to do tests on the fetal tissue, but the doctor had some placenta saved. It seems like half the people didn't know about it, but the doctor didn't forget. Lily had three sets of chromosome 13-trisomy 13-which the doctor said is usually fatal and in this case was. She did not have Turner's syndrome though, and the doctor did not actually mention gender. Julia's glad she at least got 16 weeks with Lily.

I'm WIRED

It's Friday and I need to be leaving for Beth Moore in an hour. I'm excited. I also just did two days at my church with WIRED through Lifeway. It was a conference for women who are looking to expand and improve their ministry. To be honest, I don't have a ministry. I don't know what my regular gifts are, let alone my God-given Spirit anointed ones are (when you accept Christ as your savior you are given gifts or areas where you excel), not that regular gifts aren't God given too. I went anyway, mainly so I could help out, spend time with adults not covered in baby spit and not have to figure out what to feed the girls every ten minutes. While I do things in the church-teach the children which is a big responsibility and co-plan extracurricular activities for our MOMS group-I'm not sure that's where I'm supposed to be. I'm not sure how to put it. So I'll keep praying about it.

I went to Emerging culture which was about reaching out to the new generation of people in an effort to show them how much God loves them. It was a little weird because it's my generation they were talking about. But people from the last three generations could probably say that too. Michelle Hicks was the speaker and she was fantastic.

Today I went to Ministering to women in crisis. I thought it would be about abortions and drug use and more "sinful" things than it was. A lot of it was about the crisis of a loved one, either sudden or drawn out, abuse, divorce, more domestic things. Divorce has always seemed so common it's hard to think of it as a crisis. Death just hasn't struck me close enough for the feelings to leave a mark. My uncle died almost two years ago, but my aunt had such wonderful people helping take care of her that I just felt the loss of him, not the emotional overload of having to help someone. Abuse no one talks about, I don't know anyone that admits to being abused. However I did learn quite a bit. Leighann McCoy has a book that I'd like to buy but can't find called Pray Right. I'll have to look some more. So I'm off to get the girls dressed so they can go to Cecil's and I can go to Beth Moore. I made sure to take all of my make-up off so I won't look like a raccoon. I'll tell you how it went tomorrow.

Already?

Is it really the 9th? Goodness gracious. Life's been rolling along lately. Let's see, I taught the preschoolers on Sunday, went to small group where we started a video series. Monday I went to Camp Pendleton to visit friends and then San Marcos to visit my cousin. I had a lot of fun talking with big people. Tuesday was MOMS bible study and working to spruce up the church for a conference. We're starting Having A Mary Heart In A Martha World by Joanna Weaver. I've read the first two chapters and they're very good. It's about learning how to sit down at the feet of God everyday instead of giving in to the rat-race we normally call a life. I encourage you to read it. It's more of a reading book with the revised edition having some questions in the back to go with each chapter. Today is my clean the house because Eric has the girls all day Saturday day and I won't be home at all Thursday and Friday. Today is also Eric's promotion board. I'm trying not to be expectant or worried or sick. We can only pray and see how it goes. Thursday and Friday are the WIRED conference at our church. It's been painted, decorated, renovated, now it just needs to be invaded. Just kidding! It should be a lot of fun. I'm working, which means I get to go free (I think someone took care of the tickets for us), there's childcare both days and I work like a total of 30 minutes. Friday and Saturday are Beth Moore. My friend's husband has the kids Fri (9 total) and Eric has them Saturday. I'm more worried about Eric with the three than Cecil with nine.

I also signed up for summer camp. That was a big step. The cost is fantastic. Normally for me and the girls it's almost $1000. With a military scholarship you automatically get 50% off. Then they ask you to pay what you can of the 50% but at least $100. My grandma still wants me to come out in May (that's next month!) and now my mother-in-law wants me to come out when the girls do. I only have to buy my ticket, so it's not too bad. She mainly wants Vee to come out since only she and Grandpa Kenny have met her. I just go along to change diapers! She also offered to let me drive to Tennessee to see some friends I haven't seen in years. I have to work it around Eric's work schedule and Claire's school. There are summer camps and everything but we can miss those. Miss Jane Anne is due in August, and while I'm not involved in that process I'd like to be in town. But no matter what I'll see her anyway, 2-3 times a week at least for the next year. And I can be of help whenever I get back in town.

I've gotten up at 0500, made the bed and read and talked with God two days in a row. I didn't have much luck today with reading and talking though. I was really distracted, even through praying. I read 1 John and it wasn't absorbing. Now I've dawdled long enough. I cleaned my bathrooms yesterday like I was supposed to, but I didn't do my cleaning yet today and the girls are waking up. Maybe one day I'll write out what my day's supposed to look like. Until then I'll stumble along tripping over the shoes and toys left on the floor.

My laundry experiment

Well it worked. I have almost all of the laundry done. I have only to fold and put away the pants. Eric switched and then promptly left them last night to do his work clothes. And my shirts are still hanging in the laundry room. Other than that I'm laundry free, at least for the next ten minutes.

Maybe this will explain it.

Between Two Worlds

"And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual people but as to carnal, as to babes in Christ."— 1 Corinthians 3:1

The Bible mentions a category of Christians who are described as carnal. These are people in an arrested state of spiritual development. They have never really grown up. They're caught between two worlds: they have too much of the Lord to be happy in the world, but too much of the world to be happy in the Lord. They're the most miserable people around. Many of us realize that this world doesn't have the answers and can't be trusted. But at the same time, we don't trust God either. We haven't made a stand.

This is kind of how I feel. This is part of a devotional by Greg Laurie. The rest didn't quite fit my situation, so I didn't post it.

I had my first daughter when I was 18 years, 5 months and 2 days. I wasn't ready for a baby. I hadn't grown up yet. I was still immature, bratty and self-centered. It took me three months before I realized I wasn't babysitting. I still rather feel that way about my relationship with God. I've never grown up spiritually. I still want to be led everywhere, which is why I think I'm rebelling against studies where you have to kind of find the answer the author wants.

I'm trying to get into the habit of reading and talking with Him in the morning, but I've failed a lot so far. People say I just need to spend time with Him. I'm horrible at actually doing it though. That's the problem with a lot of studies I've done and devotionals I've read. At the end of this one from Greg Laurie, he said "It's time to take a stand in God." But HOW? Sometimes it's like God has said "Okay Jess, I keep trying. Now it's your turn to put some effort into us." So that is my goal. And remembering to set my alarm. It's hard to talk to God when you're snoring through His time.

I HATE laundry.

I do. Last week I separated out all of the hanging stuff and washed that by itself. It was a big help. I've always separated the jeans and the towels from shirts and stuff. My mother-in-law doesn't and it drives me crazy. Let's wash our lacy undies with our jeans and a silk shirt (love you Andrea:). I've had to throw away some of ClaireBeth's clothes after she came home because there was no way she was leaving the house in those. But then again my mother-in-law's laundry is always done instead of sitting there for a week untouched. But I digress. This time I separated the folding stuff even more. I'm washing all the undies (underwear in Eric's case) and socks by themselves so I don't have to deal with them when I'm folding everything. Hopefully this helps. How do 5 (4 really since you almost can't even say that Eric lives here) people make so much laundry? It must be one of the mysteries of the universe, one of the things we'll ask God when we get to heaven, like is time travel ever going to be possible and when you do do the laundry, where do all of the socks go.

Lily

My friend Julia told me today that she named her baby Lily. They told her they won't do an autopsy because she didn't make it to 20 weeks. A baby born at 20 weeks will probably not live, but there's just something about the halfway mark that they stick to. At 20 weeks you go to labor and delivery as opposed to the ER if something happens. 20 weeks is the earliest for a lot of things. But she picked Lily because it means pure, which this child is. She never had something bad happen to her to make her bitter or scarred. She never sinned. Don't mis-understand me, as a human she had a sin nature. It was just never given in to. I say she. They think it was a girl. Physically they said it looked like it probably was. And since they won't do an autopsy, Julia is just going with the fact that she felt like it was a girl during her pregnancy. I saw Lily's footprints today. I looked at pictures too. There was one with a hand and arm draped over some one's finger and a similar one with her legs. Those weren't too bad. There was a whole body picture that was more difficult to see. She was 2 ounces and 6 1/2 inches long. Don't worry, I won't go into anymore detail. But Julia was given a memory box with wristbands and a blanket and the like and a comfort cub, which is really heavy for a teddy so we're assuming it's supposed to be as heavy as a baby. It had a card attached that was very sweet. They're moving to Virginia on Sunday so they have a place to be while waiting for the divorce to happen. It's sad but God is in charge no matter how bad things seem. Tests are to bring us closer to Him.

And the old becomes new

Okay, so I can't find the verse that inspired the title, but it's in there somewhere. If you know leave it in the comments section please. For Aprils Fools it was a great day. I got to go to my small group leader's house. She runs a daycare and so does her friend. They get together a lot so it's always fun when we go over there. She played jokes on the kids throughout the day, like jello instead of juice in their cups for snack and a meatloaf cake iced with pink mashed potatoes. Today the trip was to work on being prayer partners, something I've never done before. We worked out when we'd contact each other about our prayer needs. Not that we don't email each other when we can. I also spend at least the first half of the day trading emails with my other small group leader a day or two a week. Sometimes it's about something the group is doing soon, or today it started with the sling I'll make her for her baby girl Jane Anne. While we're trading sometimes odd remarks-usually on my part-she'll encourage me with something I needed help on. It's wonderful having these women to lift me up. I know God's prepping me for women that will need help from me.

On that note, I'm a welcomer, as it were, for One Hope (the meet-up; I figured I ought to mention it's name so I don't have to explain it all the time). I got to meet a woman who said she was looking for a friend, an encourager and just someone to stay apace with in God's word and world-my wording not hers. When she got here she said she didn't think it was the right time for a friendship. Either she didn't like me (the kitchen was pretty bad. I tried but just didn't get a chance to clean it) or she's scared of meeting people and getting close or something like that. She's moving really close to a small group, and maybe she doesn't want anything keeping her from fully submerging into that group when she finally goes. Or maybe I just suck. Who knows. If you think you know that answer and it is not positive in my favor please do not let me know.

As to the title of this post. I'm trying to learn new habits. After being a Christian for 20 years I'm hoping to finally learn to spend time with God. It's such an integral part of the relationship between God and man and I've been ignoring it because I've been lazy or would rather read a fun book than God's word. I've never made it past a week or so. Apparently it takes three weeks for a habit to not become a struggle and then three weeks for it to actually become a habit. Ughh. The only thing I've ever been for 6 consecutive weeks is fat, lazy or pregnant. And sometimes all three at once! I'm also trying to make new habits concerning the house and it's upkeep. I'm going insane and feeling miserable. I don't want the girls to feel this way when they're older. Unfortunately I'm their biggest role-model. I wonder who's bright idea that was. He tells us that he puts us where he wants us and where we need to be. That doesn't help me much. I couldn't tell you what I actually think about that statement, as in what I think is wrong with it, just it sounds like a bunch of hooey to me. Maybe because I don't know what on earth he would want to use me for and I don't see what use I can be to anyone. So I'll pray some more. I do know my bedroom needs me, even if I don't know who else does. So I'm off to clean. Eric said he'd be home late tonight (it's already 8, does it really get any later?) but he started breaking up so for all I know it was an April fools joke and I didn't hear that part. Better not chance it though.