Maybe this will explain it.

Between Two Worlds

"And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual people but as to carnal, as to babes in Christ."— 1 Corinthians 3:1

The Bible mentions a category of Christians who are described as carnal. These are people in an arrested state of spiritual development. They have never really grown up. They're caught between two worlds: they have too much of the Lord to be happy in the world, but too much of the world to be happy in the Lord. They're the most miserable people around. Many of us realize that this world doesn't have the answers and can't be trusted. But at the same time, we don't trust God either. We haven't made a stand.

This is kind of how I feel. This is part of a devotional by Greg Laurie. The rest didn't quite fit my situation, so I didn't post it.

I had my first daughter when I was 18 years, 5 months and 2 days. I wasn't ready for a baby. I hadn't grown up yet. I was still immature, bratty and self-centered. It took me three months before I realized I wasn't babysitting. I still rather feel that way about my relationship with God. I've never grown up spiritually. I still want to be led everywhere, which is why I think I'm rebelling against studies where you have to kind of find the answer the author wants.

I'm trying to get into the habit of reading and talking with Him in the morning, but I've failed a lot so far. People say I just need to spend time with Him. I'm horrible at actually doing it though. That's the problem with a lot of studies I've done and devotionals I've read. At the end of this one from Greg Laurie, he said "It's time to take a stand in God." But HOW? Sometimes it's like God has said "Okay Jess, I keep trying. Now it's your turn to put some effort into us." So that is my goal. And remembering to set my alarm. It's hard to talk to God when you're snoring through His time.