What I won't usually say...

So I'm part of a fitness challenge on Facebook. We've all seen them. You join, you flit in and out for a week and then you peter put. But you're "friends" with the lady so you join the next one and do the same thing. I have about 6 weeks until some friends come into town. They don't care what I look like, but it's a date on the calendar, a deadline. This new challenge is also encouraging us to spend time with God as well, a spiritual and physical work out challenge. And so I really want to commit, a birthday two days ago, a new name today, a new month. And I started to write on the page. But it was really personal. So I quit. There was potential for too much interaction. But here's what I started. I stopped writing before I finished so I finished it here. Because I do need to say it.

Hi, I'm Jessica. I'm the one that will sign up and then disappear and will do well for two days and then give up and like myself even less then decide it doesn't matter anyway. I have been having a hard time even believing God exists. I work long hours. I will usually choose to sit and do nothing than anything useful. I have a hard time focusing on the positive when it comes to myself. I don't like the way I look, and part of that is because of how I feel about myself. And why I look the way I do. I don't feel that I am worth it, either mentally/emotionally or physically. I notice the same thing with my home.

Still no clue what to do about my relationship with God...