Why do we even bother?

So something that Justin and I have worked at for about a year and we love has been taken from us. More so from Justin than I, but it still feels very personal to me. Because it is. We've spent a good bit of time with the girls doing soccer. Justin coached ClaireBeth's team last fall and he and I assistant coached VeeZee's. ZoeBel and RachelLynn didn't play. Winter ball rolled around and we coached 2 of the three teams that our four daughters were on. For spring we coached both teams that the three girlies (VeeZee was in Ohio) were on and Justin started reffing.

I avoided soccer for years because of the time drain I figured it would be, not to mention the expense. Finally I broke down and did it because ClaireBeth had been begging for, at that point, three or four years. Plus Justin was here so we could actually get everyone to practice. And we signed up with SMYS. We actually love it :) Yes, San Marcos is a little out of the way. Ehh, we can deal with that. People have done crazier things. Some of the parents can be pains (if you spend a ton of time thinking you can coach better, please, just coach! or shush. whichever. I'm not picky). But the girls loved it! VeeZee's doing pretty well. Like very! ClaireBeth is a pretty good mid-field/defender. And she's got some keeper in her, too. Since ZoeBel's started she's working the back as well.

But onto my rant this evening. Apparently dedication and desire don't matter. Not to someone who is simply out to make themselves look better regardless of anything else. Thinking you are entitled to something and then whining until it happens, no matter how unjust, is much more important than anyone else. Trying to lie about the situation and making it sound like the girls said something they never said is getting old. And ignoring someone that needs your love and craves your attention just because she's not the oldest is disgusting. Just like fall season when only the oldest one was paid attention to then. Get over yourself. You do not have to insert yourself into everything just because you feel left out or that you're being "disrespected/unacknowledged as ___________". You are the reason we left the previous activity. Your back-biting and rumor-mongering were unwanted. So yes, we quit. I'm sorry we stuck it out long enough that you weren't able to use it against us.

And so now we lost something that ClaireBeth and Justin were looking forward to; him coaching her U12 team. We still get to coach ZoeBel and VeeZee's. "Then why are you making such a fuss?" Because I always try to work things out and I'm sick of trying. Especially when someone only cares about one of the girls and lied to get what they wanted. I hate the fact that this was even brought up to the poor soccer people. I may be loud and annoying, but I'm  not drama. I also don't appreciate drama being brought around where we "live". Keep your problems to yourself and don't put other people in a hard predicament. I don't blame anyone that had to make a decision. It's not their fault and I can't imagine the fuss that would have occured if a different choice had been made. I'm not even sure the girls would have been allowed to continue playing soccer. But don't try to insert yourself in something you had no interest in until you saw how happy we were and that the oldest doesn't suck at it. 'Cause, for one, you're on the wrong boat. ClaireBeth has only played for 1 year and is showing promise. But since you're only concerned with what you see to be the best and only want the trophy child, then you should focus on VeeZee. ZoeBel hasn't even really played and she's doing well, too (though I wouldn't hold out too much hope for her because it will never be horseback riding-not that you really bothered to go to her lessons once we started taking her).

And I'm upset with myself because I let this bother me. I want to be loving. I want to be kind. I want to love my persecutor (ugh-we're directed to do that more times than I can count!). But really, I don't. Because I'm tired of feeling like a doormat still. Sick of being treated like somehow I don't count, and therefor neither does Justin. So I pray. Usually after I'm done ranting and raving and having mean conversations in my head (yes, yes, I know. Thoughts and all that are just as much sin...). I know that I should pray first. For patience. For a still tongue. For a love for my children to overcome other feelings. For safety/comfort of whatever is involved. Mainly for me to show the love and grace and mercy that God has shown us, not to mention the dignity to deal with it all (fine way to do that, whining on my blog-the only good thing is that no one reads it!). It still doesn't come naturally. I still just feel like David pouring out his perceived hurts. And wanting to cry because yet again something else is taken away. And wanting to be left alone for just once. Is coaching soccer really that big of a thing. Yes and No. Does God still care about the little things that hurt us? Yes. But as I've seen; just because we want something doesn't mean we're going to get it.

I'm not even sure how to end this post without sounding trite (ha-too late!) or like I'm accepting and giving in. So I guess I'll just say good night...