Monday, March 31, 2008

I stole this.

The last day or so I've been so lonely (or maybe self-pitying or both) I've felt like crying. I went to a meet-up today. I invited some ladies from church and one came. She and I got to talk for a bit before other ladies came. Nothing too deep, but I haven't really talked to her before. She's quiet and I don't get to talk to her much, so I don't know if she likes me or if I bug her or what. I had fun though. Then ladies from the group came (the woman from church isn't part of the other group). I wish we hadn't gone and joined them, it was more fun one-on-one. She had to leave early, and I sat there in the group and just felt left out. I was supposed to be there, I was invited, these people have a good bit in common with me and it did no good. It's not necessarily their fault, though they could have tried to be a little bit more inclusive. I'm just odd. If you know me and aren't sure if I know I'm odd, rest assured, I am fully cognizant of that fact. I get Encouragement for the Day from Crosswalk. When I got home I read it, even though someone forwarded it to me before I left. This has been my life for the past few weeks at least. So here's what I stole:

Connecting with Friends
By Renee Swope

"I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." John 15:15b (NIV)

Devotion:I noticed that I had developed a habit of checking email repeatedly. One morning I checked it as soon as I woke up. Then I made breakfast and checked it again. Had my devotional time and checked it again. Ran some errands and when I got home, checked it once more.

Now, I have a thing about keeping white space in my inbox, but this was more than just managing emails. My heart was going back for a reason. I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me to pause and ask myself, "Why do you keep checking your email?"

I sat there and let my heart respond honestly. I wasn't sure if it was God or me answering, but my soul intertwined with His Spirit whispered: "You keep coming back because your heart longs to connect with a friend."

Somewhere in the busyness of life I had let many of my friendships reduce to quick connections via email. Over the past year my schedule had gotten so full with kids, school projects, family needs, investing time in my marriage, and new responsibilities at work that something had to give. I didn't want it to be my family, so I asked God to help me find balance.

I'd felt Him leading me to cut back on the amount of time I spent talking on the phone, socializing with neighbors and hanging out with friends. Although I hadn't completely cut out my friendships, my face-to-face connection time with my friends had been reduced to a minimum. That morning as I sat at my computer, I realized I hadn't found balance. The pendulum had swung too far.

Here I was checking email repeatedly, trying to fill a God-created need for relationships with a white screen and black alphabet keys.

I knew I needed to make some adjustments to find a better place of balance, to fill the lonely place in my heart with friends I could talk to and share life with in person. That day I closed my laptop and called one of my closest friends. She happened to be available so I took some time off work to spontaneously meet her at a coffee shop and go for a walk. It was just what I needed.

Friendships are not easy to build. Time is limited with lives that keep us so busy. But in this age of technology, it's important to evaluate things in our lives that create a false sense of connection like email, television, text messaging and overboard activities. Although these things are okay in moderation, they can't substitute real-life connections. We have to intentionally carve out time for friends that are in close proximity. Times where we can share what's going on in our lives and, like today's verse says, encourage one another with what God is teaching us. Long-distance friendships are precious to me, but I also need friends close by. That day I learned that there's just something in my heart that is filled when I connect with a friend in person.

God created us for relationships where we can see each other, hug each other and talk to each other face-to-face. Jesus knew this need, as well. He encircled Himself with intimate friends -- first His Father, then His close friends John, Peter and James and then the other nine disciples. He also had friends like Mary, Martha and Lazarus that He spent time with sharing what He was learning from His Father, laughing and having a meal together. He modeled for us the picture and the power of connecting with friends.

Dear Lord, You created me with a need for friends. Yet, I find myself rushing through my days with little time for heart-to-heart connections. Help me to seek You first as my ultimate Friend, and then reach out to others so I can have and be a close friend. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Grow Closer to God and your girlfriends on the Girls Get-A-Way Cruise with P31
A Walk to Remember: Living and Leaving a Legacy DVD, with Renee Swope

Traveling Together, by Karla Worley

Application Steps:Visit Renee's Blog to read and share more girl-talk on women's friendships today.

Make a list of friends you enjoy being with. Call or email them to set up a time to get together for some girl-talk. If you're not sure who to call, ask God to show you someone you can begin a friendship with. Invite them to lunch this week.

What are some of my biggest obstacles in developing real friendships?

Power Verses:
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (NIV).

It was a help, I just don't know who to re-connect to. So if you're feeling sad and lonely and need a friend, I'm here. Call me, e-mail me, whatever. Let's feel lonely together and see if the feeling goes away.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

One is the loneliest number.

I feel lonely this evening. I have no reason to, I just do. I went to Class 201. It's a basic beginners' class to Christianity. Or at least the habits to develop a relationship with God and Jesus. I went to worship night at church. I went to church this morning. My friend brought ClaireBeth home today and we talked for a good bit. Eric's gone, probably for the rest of the week, and that's not everyday anymore, but it's not completely abnormal. Numbers around me aren't the problem. I just feel lonely. And if I hear mama one more time I'm going to cry. I didn't eat much today, that might be part of it. Off I go to try to feel better.

I'm being a bad mama

Well, sort of. As I'm writing this Vee and Ziggy are watching Little Einsteins. Yup, I'm ignoring them. My house has once again reached bio hazard status. Most of the dishes are done but you can't tell what color the counters are supposed to be. You can tell what we've had to eat for the last week though. The toilet was dirty for Easter because someone-2.5 feet, brown hair, undetermined eyes-hid the cleaning wand. I found it like Monday but still haven't cleaned the toilets. Half the food from the commissary is still in bags on the floor. I have a load of laundry sitting on the coffee table. It rained today and I had all the stuff from the last three times I emptied the car in the backyard, including an encyclopedia , kids books, my favorite (and only) brown shoes, toys, a purse and myriads of other flotsam that collect in the bottom of the giant roly-poly bug called our van. It's now sitting in the kitchen with the food. I won't talk about our bedrooms, which aren't too bad but definitely aren't the havens of serene peacefulness they're supposed to be. My cousin, whom we joke is Martha Stewart with brown hair even though she has four kids, saw my room at Easter-it was even worse then-but she was kind enough not to say anything. Thanks Sarah! Actually she said she wouldn't mind a two story so she could do the same thing. She seemed very impressed with my wicker baskets which I try to use to lug all the displaced junk at least to the proper floor. It looks classier than the plastic laundry baskets. And my friend is dropping ClaireBeth off around 1 or so. Oh well. The illusion will be shattered I suppose. Maybe she'll see the real me and we'll become even better friends because there are no secrets between us anymore. As if. She'll probably just want to make sure she has her shots before she takes the girls again.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Some days are poopy

Is it possible to potty train a 13-month-old? Her diapers are bad because of teething. Ziggy somehow pooped not in the potty today too. I still haven't unclogged the toilet from like 6 this morning. Thank goodness we have two other toilets. Apparently you're not supposed to put toilet paper, 15 flushable wipes and yucky stuff in the toilet at once.


Well, today's Saturday. The little girls are in their room. They're supposed to be sleeping, like that ever happens. Eric's at work. When does that not happen? I'm typing instead of cleaning. That always happens. ClaireBeth is at Disneyland and just had her picture taken with Ariel.

My friend Julia delivered the baby at 1 this morning. She held it and will have it buried in Virginia in one of the military cemeteries. An autopsy will be performed beforehand. They weren't able to tell the gender, but should find out during the autopsy. My friend Sarah found out she's having a girl! Miss Jane Anne. Two other people I know are pregnant. It's just babies all around. I don't even really mind that much. And definitely not as much as I could mind. I just like the delivery and naming them. I don't like the pregnancies all that much. I'm down to one in diapers except at night. One hopefully goes to preschool this year. I'm good. I do kind of miss nursing, but not really. It was such a habit and it feels odd that I can't soothe Vee like that anymore, but I'm glad to have my body back pretty much to myself.

Eric went to the battalion segment of the meritorious E-6 board and will proceed to the regimental board in April. He hasn't been told when it is (watch it's the day after our anniversary so he won't get any time to relax and won't be any fun) or how many are being promoted. It looks like there will be 12 Sgts competing on that board though. There are four companies in each battalion here. And three battalions in the regiment. For his battalion, there were 13 people, three from each of the other companies and then Eric from Delta. Four of them were selected. One company never showed up. So we'll wait and see where God has us go from here. Not that Eric would say that God had anything to do with it. Little does he know. For those of you that prayed for him, thank you.

Well, I hear little voices and big crashes coming from the room 10 feet to my left. I'd better go.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


Okay, I have got to be the most computer illiterate person who can still shop online. I uploaded pictures, but I don't know where they went. And only one of the four come through, but I couldn't tell where it came through to. AAAHHHHH! Did I ever mention that I'm brunette on the outside but blonde on the inside?

Lord, why?

Yesterday, Tuesday, I found out that my new friend's husband had asked for a divorce. It's sad to see something that's supposed to be sacred fall apart. I watched her four children so that she could go to her mid-point ultrasound. There she found out that the baby most likely had Turner's syndrome (only 1 chromosome-X-or two X chromosomes with one of them being extremely abnormal) and that there was no heartbeat. The same day Eric was told that he's on a meritorious board for Staff Sergeant (early promotion because he's doing a good job if he's approved). This would of course help us quite a bit. I just wonder at the Lord's timing. As I'm trying to not get excited and assuming he'll get promoted-the last board had 12 slots for promotion, 10 men on the board and promoted 9 (one obviously did something wrong)-I'm trying to help through grieving and despair. Obviously all anyone can do is pray, which I'm actually rather clueless as to how to do. I'm hoping that we do a prayer study in bible study next. We haven't decided which one. I know some people love the Power of a praying . . . series, but I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. I still haven't learned the basics. I was saved at four, and I think that was one of the worst things to happen to me. I never really learned what to do after that. Please don't take this out of context, I mean that I never learned how to actually have a relationship with God (see Hello are you there, last paragraph).

As to family life, everything is pushing along. Ziggy finally stopped peeing on the floor in protest of the big potty. She learned how to potty using a small potty seat on the big toilet. I got tired of having to wipe the seat everytime I took it off to pee, so they disappeared one day. Not really. They ended up in my bathtub to be cleaned until I had to take a shower and then sat on the counter for three days. Vee bit an eight-month-old today (she sure showed that baby sitting in his carseat not bothering her!). ClaireBeth is going to Disneyland and to stay with Auntie Mia for the weekend. I take her up Friday and Mia brings her back on Sunday. Mia is a good friend from high school and is dating my other good friend from high school, Charlie. Took them long enough. I told you about Eric, though he's as Eric-ish as ever. Some days it amazes me that we thought we were a good match. We are so different. Maybe it's the whole opposites attract thing. There's no other explanation. I'm usually exhausted by the end of the day and I have no clue. If you look around the house, you can tell I haven't gotten anything accomplished. It might be all the junk in the house and the fact that our place is always messy. Just by the time I can do anything about it (have you ever tried cleaning up Candyland with a 13 month old chewing on the red piece and fighting you for the Queen Frostine card. It's amazing how many cuss words there are in the vocabulary of someone who doesn't talk) I'm beat. Or maybe I'm lazy. Or both. On that note I'd better attempt to get something done. Eric's got duty tonight, so I don't have to go to bed at 7 to lay next to him while he snores, since that's about the only time I get with him some days. Wish me luck! Or maybe pray for me. Anything's gotta help at this point.

P.S. I'm going to Playhouse Cafe Mon at 1000 with a group of ladies. If you'd like to some let me know.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Christ the Lord is risen today!

Well, two days ago anyway. Our Easter started on Saturday. I took someone I met on Thursday to the airport. Then the girls and I went to a babyshower. I hope the woman it was for feels blessed and realizes that we all care for her and would like to help. Her baby has what seems like very under-developed muscles due to something that happened in the womb and will probably never walk, though in the last five months (she's almost six months) she has made more progress than doctors ever said she would. It was fun to be a part of making her feel special and cared for. That night we had dinner with small group. Eric went, but was half-asleep the whole time. Poor guy.

Sunday I taught the little kids. Our church seperates the 2-preschoolers up into two to three groups. Then they rotate rooms for different activities. I teach the main bible lesson in one of the rooms so I see all the kids instead of staying with one group. Teaching them with their enthusiasm and hilarious little personalities really helped me remember that Easter isn't one more day to clean and cook for, clean up after and then forget. We had our family dinner over here, which is fun for the kids. My upstairs was off-limits-meaning a biohazard, but we have a whole toy room downstairs. We had the required egg hunt, no fights, and I did very little cleaning or cooking (Eric actually did most of it for our part). How much better can it get?

Friday, March 21, 2008

Some days. . .

My mom came over to help today, but we got into an arguement as usual. I don't know what it is about her that makes me act like this. She usually ends up instigating and I get in trouble for doing it with her. How fair is that? Anyway, so she left at 0800. I called a friend up in Fallbrook and asked if we could help her today instead of tomorrow. She said yes, so up we went. I haven't driven up the 15 in a long time. I forgot how stretched out it is. We helped Erin for six hours. I don't actually know how big a help I was, what with Ziggy drawing on a book, strewing flowers all over the house, and using a little potty because they didn't have a potty seat and Vee trying to pick up Baby Jared twice, but I tried. And poor Travis was always off running errands. I wonder why?

We left and I gave in and got Carl's Jr. The sad part is is that I like their food. When we get home, a friend calls about a bible study I was thinking about going to. I told her "No, thanks." I was tired, the girls were fussy-a polite way of saying that they act like horrible uncivilised heathens at other people's houses-and it was movie then bed time. But the girls wanted to go. Don't get me wrong, I don't cater to the girls. Ever. It's not easier to give them stuff because I don't want to hear them whining and crying. If you give it to them, it just means you'll hear it all the next time you say-or try to say-no. If I don't want to hear it they go to their rooms and I turn on music or a movie. So after affirmation that they would act well as opposed to the boogers they had been, we were off.

Traffic in that direction is usually horrible. There wasn't a single brakelight the entire way. I didn't have a book. I was able to borrow one. I did have to pay for a babysitter, and I shouldn't have payed her the whole amount-she was late, didn't notice that Ziggy peed on someone's bed and didn't offer any of the kids drinks-but I'm hoping someone will work out a babysitting co-op among all the small groups. I've suggested it but no one's listening. That happens. Over all, though, it was fantastic. It's through a meetup, so I was a little worried about the people, whether I would fit in, but I loved the ladies and felt like God had me there for a reason.

And throughout this all is Eric. He's supposed to have today (Friday) off. Then he calls and says he wants to go out with the guys. I don't necessarily mind, I'm just not fond of what most of the guys do. And I trust my husband. He needs to get clothes-he works an hour away-but they want to go out up where they're working. Which means he would come down to get clothes, go up to go out and come back down. Then he tells me doesn't have the day off. At this point I'm rather irritated. I have to fight tooth and nail to get Eric to watch the kids. Honestly I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I almost never go out without them. The last time I even came close someone else's husband watched two of them. I had bible study I could have gone to without worrying about babysitting or a girls craft night. So he goes out and I get a little mad. He calls later and says "I'm coming home. I don't have to be in until 4:30 p.m. (I have to insert p.m. because he usually has to be there at 0445 am)." And he's wearing new clothes and shoes. Instead of coming home he went shopping. Sometimes I don't know what to do. I really don't. Don't get me wrong, we're fine. Nothing's leading anywhere, except maybe me to the nuthouse. Just how can two people be together this long (3/4 of a decade) and still have no clue what to do with the other person? In my case I pray; about how I'll talk to him without blowing up; how I'll forgive him for something he doesn't even know or need to know that upset me; how I won't beat him just to work off frustration (just kidding-but pugil stick therapy does work, I'm sure). That being said, he's great. Just different than I am. And I'm supposed to submit to him, not the other way around. Guess I'll have to keep working on that!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I love babysitters!

My friend's daughter came yesterday and watched the girls while I cleaned. I spent half my birthday money to have her come over, but it is so worth it. I got the kitchen almost done-I won't comment on how it looks now though-the laundry folded and put away and I had someone to talk to. Her name is Isabel and she's 12 1/2. And being a normal 12 1/2 year-old, she'll sometimes listen to me more than her mom. We got to see her again today at the park and she asked when she could come back over and watch the girls. I told her when her room was clean and de-cluttered (they're moving in a month and she needs to get rid of all the junk so they're not taking it with them) and she kept it like that for two weeks she could come back and babysit. Mom definitely agreed! If you need decluttering tips and help, check out

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Hello. Are you there?

It's been forever! Oh my goodness.

To recap the last week: Tuesday I painted at church. It's great to make a noticable difference and to have a break from the little girls. I love them to death, but they act completely different when they're not around me. Then I got to watch a friends children while she got her hair done. I suggested the girl who did it. If you ever want a number for a hairdresser let me give you hers. She did a fantastic job on my friend's hair. She is also very reasonably priced.

Wednesday I painted some more and that's usually AWANA night. I love AWANA. Truth be told, I don't absolutely love kids, especially other peoples'. I try my best, but I just don't have enough patience. But with AWANA, I get to work with two age groups for 30 minutes each. I'm game director, so that's extra fun. This week was also banana split night (they get a certain amount for each section they do) and it's just too comical to watch them dig into a trough of ice cream. We also get pizza at church before AWANA and the girls love that.

Thursday was ClaireBeth's last day of school before Spring Break. I took the day off from church because I was supposed to help hide Easter eggs at 0945. So I took her running and dropped her off in pyjama shorts and a t-shirt because I was going to clean and then take a shower before going back. The teacher says "Just a moment ladies, I think we'll do the egg hunt now." Did I mention that I had no glasses or contacts? And I'm pretty much blind as a bat. So I'm thinking "Awesome!" Major sarcasm in case you can't tell. But oh well, I did it to myself, so we go throw Easter eggs. We did it in a grassy area and the kids had to find the eggs with their individual number on it. The kids are really sweet and helped each other out. Very fun to watch-what I could see of it. Then ClaireBeth's friend says "I'm going home with you Mrs. Green." I'd forgotten she was spending the night! The house is a huge mess and Eric's home! Eric does even worse with other people's kids than I do. Most of the time he won't talk or even look at them. And I had to take her shopping since it was shopping day.

Friday it was back to church, this time with 4 kids instead of two. So we paint, paint, paint, then I watch the kids in the nursery. Basically, in case you haven't noticed, I spend a lot of time watching kids. Fridays I usually watch a little boy so his mom will watch the little girls while I volunteer in ClaireBeth's class. I didn't this week, but you can see that I'm basically a nanny. But Friday afternoon I think we finally got to relax. But I might be forgetting something.

Which brings us to yesterday, Saturday. Oh yes, we keep going. As we're getting dressed to go to the library and visit Daddy's car (we do that a lot when we go on base since we don't always get to actually see Daddy) my friend Michelle calls and asks if I'd like to help her purge, organize and rearrange her bedrooms. Since I wanted to avoid cleaning my house I said sure. We were there for 6 hours. Michelle's husband Cecil is fantastic. He watched my three girls and his three girls the whole time. He's great with them. Even at church he's willing to help out with the kids. I asked Ziggy if Mr. Cecil was cool and her reply was "Yep he is!" We got two rooms almost completely clutter free and rearranged. Then we had pizza and the girls and I went home. But it's fantastic to see what a little time can do to a room without having to spend hundreds of dollars to buy new stuff.

So here we are at Sunday. I got up, cleaned a bit (besides watching kids, I clean a ton) and prepped for teaching Kindergarten Sunday school. The lesson today was that Jesus was perfect and never sinned, and why He died on the cross. It was a great lesson, and we have good curriculum that provides all of the material for visual lessons that really help the kids. After we get home my mom and her fiancee come over. It's great having Mom and Roger visit. I dragged them to my small group, where a smaller group gets to interact and learn about God together. They might keep coming to that small group. We'll see how that goes. But I love my small group. I still feel a little out of place there, but I'm at an odd spot in life. While all of us have three kids, I' a bit younger than the rest. Most people my age are still in college or just married or maybe have a baby. Not married for almost six years with three kids, one of which is in school. I also don't feel as confident about myself as the other women seem to. I also feel less mature in my faith. Like I'm still scared to actually let go of my life and submit to God's will. So there still feels like something's off. A woman I know explained it as you see God as how you see your father. Her father died when she was fairly young, and her mother always told her about him, but she had no personal contact. It took her a while to realize that wouldn't work with God. And she's right. I see God as there, but even if I bother, I'm not expecting Him to respond, why would He bother to respond to me? Rather like my dad is. So I ignore what I learn, and eventually stop trying to talk to Him because I've refused to acknowledge that He's with me. I'm trying to spend time with Him everyday and throughout the day, but it's hard when you're not used to actually listening or paying attention. He still loves me and is waiting for me with His arms open, I just have to stop being a brat.

Monday, March 10, 2008

A normal but great day.

My day today. I got up at 0500-okay, 0504-and cleaned the downstairs. Or at least got it cleaner. I'm so not in love with this two story thing. I did that for an hour and a half and then read my bible. I started 1 Peter. We're going through a fantastic book in MOMS, Lisa Whelchel's Busy Mom's Guide To Bible Study. It's not a topical study like some other (fantastic) one's I've done. It's just different ways to look at God's word. One of my favorites is highlighting in different colors. I use the Crayola twistable colored pencils. They just don't make enough colors!

I put a bar stool together, got them up and fed and made lunch to go with us. Claire got to school and then we were off to church for work day. Somehow I ended up working in the men's bathroom. I have no clue how, but being there I did what I was told. Not only is it great to see the transition from old to fresh and new, I got to meet some of the ladies that came out to help us all the way from Texas. One's my age and in her third year of graduate school. Another's a sophomore undergrad. I loved talking with them about normal stuff. It kind of made me realize what I missed, or at least how it could be if you're not out partying you way through college. I just don't think I could give up the stepping in pee thanks to the potty-training two year old or looking for the teacher's book three minutes after we should have left for school or the teething.

Mondays I get to work in ClaireBeth's class. Sometimes I play games with the kids, others I paint. Today I was given the privilege of individually correcting the synopsis of Rumplestiltskin. Oh my goodness. Claire did the best job-judged by the teacher, not me-so she brought Bobby Bear home, which means more homework!

The real surprise was when I got home. One of the kids from one of my JROTC classes found me today, courtesy of Eric registering me on the Mt Miguel alumni website (thank you Honey). He was one of my babies, meaning I was good bit ahead of him. He's being commissioned (becoming an officer) in July. It's amazing how time passes you by.

Then dinner was bad, so we went out. Eric actually got to come with us! He goes to work at 0500 and most of the time doesn't get home until 7:30/8 if he comes home. Every fifth night he has duty. And this is a really great schedule compared to some he's had this last year.

I hear my bed calling, and I can tell how tired I am by reading this, it's more of a ramble than a well written narration. Oh well. Off to bed to start all over again tomorrow, with babysitting and a party thrown in just to make it interesting.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

On a lighter note.

Okay, what to write that's fun, still interesting and not another sermon? No clue right now. Maybe this is what happens to other people's blogs. I love reading them but they just kind of putter out. Huh. I'd better go to bed anyway. Up at 0500 to clean here before I take ClaireBeth to school and then work day at our church. We're doing a lot of stuff around there. I'm excited to see it getting done and even more excited to be of use. And they have nursery for the little ones that I don't have to work in. How much better can it get?

You are what you think.

It's amazing how one or two little thoughts change your whole attitude. I called someone I love and we have a good relationship, but out of all of us that they deal with, we're the ones that get forgotten or relegated to last place the most. I don't think it's a conscious decision but maybe we're the most self-sufficient or maybe they just don't like us as much (just kidding!). I'm also sure that they have no clue that I perceive it as such. My husband tells me to shut up and deal with it or get over myself most of the time. But I started thinking about the stuff I'm holding onto, all the bitterness and resentment, and my whole attitude changed. This is all within 5 minutes. I lost my patience. My tone changed. My posture got worse. I tried praying, but it feels like I asked God to take it and then didn't actually get around to dropping it off. So I went to the bible on my church site ( and typed in bitterness. The most useful return was Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and railing, be put away from you, with all malice: (I followed with looking it up at the crosswalks bible online so I could look at different translations-big help).

It didn't immediately help. I felt no overwhelming sense of joy. But I have a new memory verse. One that I can hide in my heart for next time. And the realization that God won't instantaneously make us feel all warm and fuzzy, but will give us direction and strength and peace to change our attitude. The feelings aren't the sin, it's the carrying them around and acting out of how they changed our emotions. I also felt the love that God has for us by the fact that he gave us instructions. I don't know how many times I've told ClaireBeth to do something but not told her how and then gotten irrationally mad because she did it wrong. God thankfully is not like that.

As I sit here and read through this, I realize it ties in with our sermon at church today. We're in Joshua 6 where Joshua and the Israelites take over Jericho. And God told them exactly how. He gave them very explicit directions. All they had to do was follow them. Obviously I have a lot to learn from them. I may not conquer a city or win the war all at once, but I can win a battle against the devil and myself.

Saturday, March 8, 2008


I just found all of those posts I started but didn't finish! I wondered why it kept saying I had 7 posts. My dorkiness amazes even me sometimes. And of course they all sound better than what I actually posted. Oh well, the world will go on.

Whats in a name (revised). . .

Okay, I've tried writing this four times now. Once it got lost, once I left it and my husband closed it, and I can't remember what happened last time.

So to explain the name. It's one of my husband's sayings, as in "Of course, why wouldn't that happen to cause discomfort (usually on his part)." Like when dinner burns and I try to explain why I got distracted-Vee needed a change, Ziggy bit Claire, then the phone rang, or I didn't get his laundry done-"Of course, why would you feel like doing the laundry when you can watch Barbie with the girls for the billionth time?" It usually denotes the constant frustrations of life, especially the horrible repetitive ones. But it sounds better than his "I do what I want-YO."

Of course, I've started adopting the saying. "Of course, why wouldn't you pee all over the floor when I just cleaned it, people are coming over in 20 minutes and I just got out of the shower but haven't done my hair so it's going to dry and look all funny while I clean up the pee?" So this is a common and mostly valid question in my house. Sometimes I should expect it and even know it's going to happen, but hope it won't anyway. Like listening to the girls in the bathtub. Don't worry, I'm six feet away and can hear every splash and gurgle. I also know the floor's flooded and who the main culprit is. Three feet tall, blonde hair, blue eyes. It's always the same culprit. Eventually the baby will start too. I'm just hoping by then Ziggy will have stopped. But why would she? Or I order something and mine is the only one that gets lost. "Of course, why wouldn't it?" I pray for patience (sometimes after I lose it), try to laugh (even if through the tears because I'm mentally exhausted from 5.5 years of cleaning up poop and throw-up) and run and hide in my room. That's what the baseball doorknob covers are for.

P.S. I added all the parts that sounded good from the other ones I wrote.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Introducing me. . .

Hi, I'm Jess.

I'm a wife of a Marine and mama to three young girls. Most important, I'm a Christian woman who is constantly trying to grow in the Lord, though sometimes I feel like the Christian life is harder than advanced trig. It's not, of course, it's usually just me being lazy, grumpy or complacent.

Mainly this blog's to re-think things a bit, vent a bit and see what I can learn about the computer when Eric's not saying "Get off the computer". HaHa! As you'll see, I'm almost computer illiterate. I can write e-mails and shop, that's about it.

My husband's a Marine and has been in for almost 6 years (yay pay increase!). He's a DI in San Diego, but we're from here, so the area's nothing new. As for my girl's, I've got a 5.5 year-old we call ClaireBeth, a 2.5 year-old named Zoe that we call Ziggy and a 13 month old called Vee (short for Veronica-we were avoiding Roni).

We'll see where this goes, and probably no one will read this. That's okay. My girls can read it in 20-30 years and realize what they put me through.