*There aren't five eye shadows the same color that my wife insists are all different left all over the bathroom.
*I don't trip over the scale in the middle of the night that my secretly weight-obsessed wife left out.
*There aren't tampons with three different colored wrappers all over the place because I can lock the cabinet so Baby doesn't get into them. Why do they need three different colors anyway?
*No one cares if I leave the toilet seat up just once.
*There's no hair on the counter.
*I can empty out the 15 bottles of product in the shower. Good old Zest is all you need.
*It doesn't matter what color towel I use to wash my face dry my hands or after a shower.
*I always put the toothpaste away.
*No one's yelling for me to bring more toilet paper because the baby threw it in the wet bathtub.
Obviously these are written by the wife, and we won't include the gross ones.